This is just a broader note that occurred to me as I read this chapter if it helps you. I was trying to figure out what exactly the Sleeping Man was trying to do, and discovered this paragraph on my second go-round. I think it’s the most important paragraph in this chapter because it sets up what the Sleeping Man’s goal: get to the Compendium, and I like the mystery of whatever that is. But somehow this goal didn’t stick with me the first time. I wonder if you’re throwing a few too many detail at us right off the bat -- you have the Sleeping Man and the Desert, which are vital, but there’s also the Green Mountain, the Cannoi, the Compendium, the Volto Empire, all in the first 4 paragraphs, so it’s hard to weigh how important the Compendium is for a new reader. Maybe you can let the other details out a little later, once we’re hooked. Whatever the solution is, I think the more you can make his immediate goal seem urgent and important in the beginning, the more you’ll pull me in right away. I hope that’s of some use...
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