Caps might not be the best way to show the audience that the character is shouting/proclaiming. You already tell us that he does this, so maybe you don’t need them!
"OH MY GOD, HERE WE GO AGAIN WITH THE MIXTAPE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN"
I like the way you quickly characterize Sean, but I’m not sure if alcohol swimming and blunt chiefing work as fluidly as club-hopping. I think that I get the idea, but maybe its the chiefing...you can go hopping and swimming...but not really chiefing.
club hopping, alcohol swimming, blunt cheifing machine that he is,
apparently might not be necessary here. More powerful to be firm.
Ashley’s mom on the other hand was bad news apparently.
I’m not sure what a deputoubt is. Sometimes, when you type directly into the edit boxes, an autocorrect function can change some words. Is that what happened here? Interesting concept though...kind of like Breaking Bad with an SF or Weird Fiction twist?
With the grace of young deputoubt she reached a slender, tattooed hand out to receive her purchase.
Hey everyone. I’m new to the site and wanted to introduce myself. My name is Marcell. Some folks call me Cell for short. I’ve been writing on and off for years now and only recently decided to get serious. I love writing works of fiction. Anything from superheroes, cyberpunk, and dystopian futures to things a little more grounded in reality. I put up my first draft for one of my many projects the other night and I would appreciate any feedback you guys have to offer. Thanks.
Sci-fi writer, casual gamer, and total geek
