SATURDAY SHORTS

Here’s a sneak preview of something that will be appearing in one of the Daily Me features on my Web site on Wednesday:

My Wall Trumps Your Rights

ANNOUNCER: Welcome to Speaking Spanish the Donald Trump Way, a series of instructional videos to help border guards, immigration officers and anybody interested in the future of the United States learn how to speak to Mexican immigrants.

TRUMP: Job stealing criminal drug dealers and rapists.

ANNOUNCER: We haven’t started yet.

TRUMP: I started the moment I was conceived, and I never stopped! Get on with it.

PAUSE.

ANNOUNCER: Where is the nearest financial institution?

TRUMP: I need to rob a bank to feed my drug habit. Is there one near here?

PAUSE.

ANNOUNCER: You have a beautiful wife.

TRUMP: You so much as look at my wife the wrong way – oh, screw it, even the right way – and I’ll sick immigration officers on you so fast it’ll make your empty head spin! Pervert! Next phrase.

PAUSE.

TRUMP: I said: next phrase!

ANNOUNCER: Do you speak English?

TRUMP: Of course I speak English! Who do you take me for? Jeb Bush? Loser! Or, maybe some other loser who can’t make it in his own country so he comes over here to mess up our country? Listen, pal, the United States is the greatest country the world has ever known, and you don’t get anywhere here speaking frigging Mexican! You wanna live in America? Learn to speak frigging American. You probably won’t be able to speak it so good as me, but as long as you know the basics, you should be able to make yourself understood to a real human being. I mean, come on: how hard is it to say, “Where’s the nearest Welfare office?”

ANNOUNCER: (over him) This has been Speaking Spanish the Donald Trump Way, the first in a series of instructional videos to help border guards, immigration officers and anybody interested in the future of the United States learn how to speak to Mexican immigrants. Order yours today!

SOURCE: Weekends!

[http://www.nobc.com/Weekends/video/play.shtml?mea=227528]more