You accidentally added two commas here. Also, the "in reality" part seems unnecessary. I’d get rid of it.
The door creaked open,, and my mom squinted at me in sleepy confusion until she realized that I was, in reality, shivering on her doorstep.
Great opening line! It caught my attention right away!
My breath froze in my chest as I bolted from the safety of the warm cab into a rainy English night.
I’m very new here, and this is my first foray into trying to get a book published (it’s also my first writing contest!). I’d really like to get some feedback on the first chapter to see if its powerful enough to draw readers in (I don’t feel like it is, sadly.)
