Dave Brumbley commented on an excerpt of It's All Fun and Games

one OF the runners. ((I apologize for all of these tiny comments. I'm really enjoying the story and the twists involved, and I don't mean them to come in as only negative editing comments, they're just the kinds of things I would want someone to point out to me if they saw them. You're doing some awesome things here))

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one the r

Dave Brumbley commented on an excerpt of It's All Fun and Games

One S. Desert.

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dessert

Dave Brumbley commented on an excerpt of It's All Fun and Games

remove "it", I think.

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when they rounded the bend it they came upon a

Dave Brumbley commented on an excerpt of It's All Fun and Games

remove "another" here, I think.

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Stu let loose a third another arrow

Dave Brumbley commented on an excerpt of It's All Fun and Games

Very nice. Subtle, but effective drop-in here.

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“Have fun storming the castle!”