Look, Alyssa, and tell me if my eyes deceive me.”
Could be wrong on this, but this kind of seems like a strange tense change. Shouldn’t it be... "Was I dreaming? What was this? I wonder if this was what out-of-body experiences felt like?
Am I dreaming? What is this? I wonder if this is what out-of-body experiences feel like?
Now, this is what I’m talking about! Excitement! :D
They must have hit me with a brick.I tried to move, but a sudden rush of darkness swallowed everything.
CAPS FOR EMPHASIS. But seriously, you don’t need to do this. It’s better to write the sentence as normal and maybe include some description about how her Dad’s voice sounds.
“WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU JUST TOOK OFF!”
After about an hour of zombie-like wandering, I decided to get on the computer and check in with Audrey.
I like the imagery in this. Reminds me of myself in the morning.
After about an hour of zombie-like wandering, I decided to get on the computer and check in with Audrey.
