repetition of young, maybe try another word?
young age of sixteen she batted her eyelashes at the young
should this be scrape? or did you mean scrap, as in fight?
It’s little details like this that make a character’s description really come alive. I’d like to see a little more of this peppered through Jay’s dialogue and actions through the rest of the chapter.
not something you see often this far west.
Is there a change in tone here? It might be better to separate this word out, also to show that he’s calling to someone else, rather than speaking to the narrator.
Agreed here, my brain initially read this as ’harshly’ since ’hushly’ isn’t a word I’ve ever seen. Maybe a harsh whisper instead?
