But this I quite like. Having the viewpoint of all the boys gives a broad sense of the cultural setting while drawing the reader in with verisimilitude. We can all relate to looking up to a stronger, more accomplished peer.
Had they just witnessed a miracle? A shot like that was unheard of. Lifting such a big marble from so far away! It was incredible but Kihn had done it. Kihn the Incredible had done it. With the exception of Yanko he was much older than the other boys and carried the mantle of undisputed leader well. They all looked up to him. Kihn could run the fastest. Kihn could jump the highest. Kihn could throw the furthest. Kihn always had the best ideas for games. And now this. Kihn the Incredible had pulled off an impossible shot and stolen Yanko’s legendary big green. What remained to be said?
I’m a bit perplexed by this shift in POV. Or, rather, the lack of a definite POV until this point. My first instinct when confronting a new scene is to orient myself, and without knowing whose shoulder I’m meant to be looking over, I feel a bit like I’m being pushed from place to place.
Next to leave was Yanko himself.
Bit of a run-on sentence here, but the droning insects and "heavy resinous scent" are very evocative of place and mood.
Mid-afternoon, late summer and the air was thick with the drone of lazy insects and the heavy resinous scent that oozed from the scrubby oil trees that surrounded the clearing.
Author of WITHERFIST and 1000 FACES. Sci-fi and fantasy fanatic. Software developer. The J stands fo...
