Antimony Noon commented on an excerpt of The Spark Internal
"He took" rather than "Taking"? The sentence reads like it should flow on rather than stopping. 
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    Antimony Noon highlighted an excerpt from The Spark Internal
    Taking just a moment to unlock the barriers guarding his way just as he had above before stepping into the chamber
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    Antimony Noon commented on an excerpt of The Spark Internal
    wound
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      Antimony Noon highlighted an excerpt from The Spark Internal
      winded
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      Antimony Noon commented on an excerpt of The Spark Internal
      This doesn’t make sense to me? Is "it was even a factor" needed in this sentence?
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        Antimony Noon highlighted an excerpt from The Spark Internal
        It still worried him however it was even a factor
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        Antimony Noon commented on an excerpt of The Spark Internal
        This feels a little clunky. Maybe "if he weren’t a seasoned warrior, it would threaten to" or similar?
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          Antimony Noon highlighted an excerpt from The Spark Internal
          threatening to drain him of all his strength. He kept pushing on though for they had no effect on a seasoned warrior who had dedicated his life to fighting evil
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          Antimony Noon commented on an excerpt of The Spark Internal
          I think you need to be careful about  too much exposition in one go here. Some of it can probably be integrated into the rest of the paragraph/scene and it’ll read as being a little less information-heavy.

          I’d probably get rid of the "Since the founding" section of the sentence, and jump straight to "It remained locked" 

          I’m going to hazard a guess at this point in the chapter that The Emberheart is going to be pivotal to this story as a whole, so make it the absolute focus of this section. 
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            Antimony Noon highlighted an excerpt from The Spark Internal
            At the end lay one of the Qivar’s most guarded secrets, The Emberheart, the ancient artifact of a shadow demon that had threatened to destroy the material plane. Since the founding of the Qivar a millennium ago it has remained locked in its chamber only disturbed when a high ranking Qivar checked on the barriers that held it or sought to study it.
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