Synopsis Edits: Reset the System

Created over 1 year ago by Jeremy R. Strong with 6 comments
Sort by
(scroll to first comment)
Img 20160419 190710 kindlephoto 1225449 Tabi Card · Author · edited over 1 year ago · 1 like
Well, not much to critique page-wise so I’d suggest putting up a longer blurb (after the initial short one catches and draws people to your page, they’re going to want to know a little more!) and some info on what inspired this story, what you like about it, what your hopes/thoughts are about it, etc.

For the story itself, very rambling. I enjoyed the dry, biting sarcasm but it felt rather wordy at times - lots of name-dropping that, to me, cluttered up the story, especially in the beginning.

Overall, you’ve definitely got something here and with a little polishing, it will draw those SF hungry crowds in! =)
Jeremy edit Jeremy R. Strong · Author · edited over 1 year ago · 2 likes
Thank you very much Craig, Nell and Evan. This is simply great advice about the synopsis. Evan is right, and HiveCoin is sort of like Bitcoin, but I really like the suggestion to remove anything jargon-like from the synopsis that has the potential to alienate a potential reader before they get into the narrative. This is probably great advice for anyone trying to write a cleaner/shorter synopsis too. 

It is great to hear that the premise of the novel intrigues you - I did consciously write this with that idea in mind, that many of our human problems here on earth simply translate to our posthuman descendents in their negotiation with a wider environment and larger energy sources. In this sense, the book is very anti-cornucopian, in that it rails against the idea that transcendence would solve all of the problems we face. Even capitalism proves to be a very hard thing to shake off, as Hive society in the book is uber-capitalist (hence the contest to raise capital to escape the Milky Way). I will be working up a book jacket length description this week that will follow the draft, hopefully you will also check that out! Thanks again guys, I really appreciate this.
 nzkhmgt Evan Graham · Author · edited over 1 year ago · 1 like
I’m also a bit hung up on "HiveCoin." I’m assuming it’s like bitcoin? Some kind of future currency or credit needed to cover interstellar transportation fees? If I’m on the right track, it’s probably not even needed in the description, it’d be enough to say "Treb must compete with 40,000 transhumans in a final contest to secure an immortality he’s not sure he wants."
I do really like the premise, though. The idea of a cosmic energy crisis never occurred to me, but it makes perfect sense. It’s a way to bring current, real-world problems into a sci-fi setting, on a new scale. I’m intrigued.
Dragon Nell Walton · Author · edited over 1 year ago · 1 like
I was lost with HiveCoin - I can’t grasp what it might be.  I think your rework here is much better.

Dsc00487   copy Craig A. Munro · Author · edited over 1 year ago · 1 like
I feel like the synopsis is a little too long/heavy. I’d also try to avoid terms that we can’t relate to without reading more (HiveCoin). Keeping about half still gets the same message across: "The sun is dying. Treb must compete with 40,000 transhumans to secure an immortality he’s not sure he wants. Get ready, they are about to reset the system." 
Jeremy edit Jeremy R. Strong · Author · edited over 1 year ago · 1 like
I am participating in Draftshares from May 30th to June 4th, during which time I hope you will consider helping me out: #critiqueme #critiquemypagetoo. My novel is called Reset the System, and I think you are going to love it! But I want to get it right, and so I want to hear as much honest advice from all of you other hard working writers and especially you SF people...you know who you are. Thanks everyone.