Feedback request / swap

Created almost 2 years ago by J. Graham-Jones with 12 comments
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Cb b w small inkshare Cem Bilici · Author · edited almost 2 years ago · 1 like
As a reader I felt it conveyed just enough thoughts for an opening to get a sense of her. This is what I took away when I read:

Irusai went out to the desert to basically forget, to not feel or think. When she is forced to by the attack and awakening of whatever it is in her it makes it feel stronger as a reader. I felt the writing conveyed that really well, whether it was by happenstance or planned.

I felt there was plenty conveyed about her thoughts for who I saw her to be in that moment, and things were conveyed without having to expressedly state them: in the tug of her bandages, the fact she bothers to think about the young girl rattling names on the flag rote, etc.

Plus there’s action happening around her for half the chapter.
Me J. Graham-Jones · Author · edited almost 2 years ago · 1 like
@Brian Seabury I didn’t consider the feedback brutal - it was helpful. Constructive feedback, that helps me improve, is incredibly important, so I’m grateful that you took the time to provide it.
Picture Brian Seabury · Author · added almost 2 years ago
@J Graham Thomas I really did enjoy the book.  I left some brutally honest feedback on the page. I know inkshares is for promoting books. However, I feel like knowing where you can improve can be helpful if it wasn’t for the fact that talking about a minor problem gives a mis-impression of the book.  Anyway, if anyone wants to leave feedback I would imprecate  it.  All of those things being said, The description in your book is top notch. It really brings you into the lives of your characters.
Me J. Graham-Jones · Author · added almost 2 years ago
@Luke Fellner - brilliant, I’ll do just that.
@Jess Moran - thank you for the feedback. I’ll definitely pop over to check out Dawn of the Raven Goddess :)
Img 20160806 023915 Luke Fellner · Author · edited almost 2 years ago · 1 like
@J. Graham-Jones If you need an example of thoughts check out my sample. I know mine’s different from yours in that it’s in first person, but it might be able to help with thinking of how a character would think.     
0wfytc7d Jessica Morán · Author · edited almost 2 years ago · 1 like
Witherfist is a really interesting and engaging piece! Love your knack for creating immersive worlds. I wonder if you can spare a sec or two...If you’d check out my project Dawn of the Raven Goddess? Thanks and good luck! :)
Me J. Graham-Jones · Author · added almost 2 years ago
@Cem Bilici - delighted to hear that you enjoyed the story so far!
Cb b w small inkshare Cem Bilici · Author · edited almost 2 years ago · 1 like
What an awesome opening. World building and intrigue and fast paced action all bundled up beautifully with a cliff-hanger bow. I’m hooked. 
Me J. Graham-Jones · Author · edited almost 2 years ago · 1 like
Thanks Luke! The feedback is much appreciated. I can definitely see what you mean about how characters are feeling. I always find that one a tricky one to balance, to avoid getting too lost in their thoughts. Something to think about when editing!
Img 20160806 023915 Luke Fellner · Author · edited almost 2 years ago · 1 like
@J. Graham-Jones I’m just going to put my review down here. I love the whole Mad Max feel your setting has. You do a great job at presenting your scene and giving it the Fantasy style. I’d definitely recommend putting how the characters think about the situation their in. That’s just something I find to be important, but it’s only a suggestion. Your story would do fine without it. You also have a good description for the story, good luck with the contest!     
Img 20160806 023915 Luke Fellner · Author · added almost 2 years ago
@J. Graham-Jones  Would you rather I put my thoughts here or in a DM? Feel free to delete this comment after you respond 
Me J. Graham-Jones · Author · edited almost 2 years ago · 1 like
Hello all,

I’ve just this afternoon uploaded the first bit of content to my Geek and Sundry fantasy contest entry, Witherfist

I’m hoping to get some feedback on what I’ve written so far, and in return would be happy to share my thoughts and feedback on your project, if you’d like.

Thanks for taking the time to look at this thread and my book. Hope you enjoy!