Joni Dee · Author · added over 9 years ago

Many Thanks Lauren. @Lauren Razavi

Lauren Razavi · Reader · edited over 9 years ago

Thanks for the invitation to look at your book project. It's a bit outside of my realm of interest (I'm a non-fiction writer/editor and a features journalist), but I wish you the best of luck with your work.

Joni Dee · Author · edited over 9 years ago

@Faith A. Not at all Faith, i think your comments are worth their weight in gold. and i would never do anything to jeopardize your amazing editorial services. However, i did integrate the suggestions into the text and re-uploaded the chapter, so that people can see a clean text - i hope you don't mind.

Regarding the chapter taking place in the past - you maybe right. i thought about it. and that's why I said it in advance in my update. But, if u had the full book you would have probably realized it at some point (one of the next chapters take place in th red square in Moscow, right after the '91 attempted coup for example).
At the moment i will keep it the same, but your point is very valid and i am considering it.

reader · Reader · added over 9 years ago

Hey there, enjoying the 3rd chapter! I left a couple small tweaks, hope it's not annoying, I can't help the editor in me! :) Btw I wouldn't have realized it took place in the past if you hadn't said... maybe add some tagline of the chapter that says the year?

Joni Dee · Author · edited over 9 years ago · 2 likes

Ahoy all. The followers have increased in numbers & I have only u guys to thank for that, though I am still quite fearful about taking this into the next step... I have uploaded a new chapter (still from part I), it jumps back 35 years back in time (the book would do that occasionally) to both shed some light on future events to take place in the novel, and to emphasize the contrast between our world and the days of the cold war.

But i babble too much, i like updates curt and I digress. Will let you judge if you like it or hate it.some people think that jumping timelines are irritating (I'm clearly not one of them)

on a different note - if you haven't already - come check our newest syndicate "Thriller Night". I dare you!

Thanks!!

Jonathan

Joni Dee · Author · added over 9 years ago

@Faith A. Many thanks - I really appreciate the comments in text. Were you ever a professional editor?

Joni Dee · Author · added over 9 years ago · 1 like

This is a bit off topic. discussing with a few other members I am thinking of leading a thriller/mystery/crime etc Syndicate , as i think these genres are a bit under-represented in general. (don't get me wrong - i love SciFi & if it has a thriller element will be considered as well for backing)... Although i'd hate this to be a flop, so.. If u like this comment i will assume you are on board. thanks all!

Joni Dee · Author · added over 9 years ago

@Faith A. Thanks Faith! I appreciate the meticulous comments in the text as well. I didn't know "Pattern Recognition", had to look it up... Maybe my next read then... Will take it as a compliment! :-)

reader · Reader · edited over 9 years ago

First chapter sounds very interesting and sets up a good hook for the story - who is the old man, why is he mumbling those things, who is chasing him? I do think you could cut back a little on the description of John and instead try to fit it in more as part of the story. The main character reminds me a little of one in Pattern Recognition by William Gibson (the guy's name is Boone Chu), in a good way.

Joni Dee · Author · added over 9 years ago · 2 likes

Hi all, chapter 3 is in the air, maybe less figurative/descriptive but a dialogue that is very important in order to understand where this is going to. initially was part of chapter 2 but decided to keep chapters short and to the point (at least for now in these previews). over the weekend will edit and upload chapter 4 which takes place in the past, and will see how to take it from there. hope u enjoy!