SATURDAY SHORTS

Here’s a bit of frippery from the latest Les Pages aux Folles (http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca) update:

Hamlet's soliloquy from the nunnery scene, as rewritten for Benedict Cumberbatch:

To beep or not to beep, that is the question;

Whether 'tis Nobler in the wings to suffer

The Pings and Sharings of outrageous Fanboys,

Or to take Arms against a Sea of handhelds,

And by opposing end them.

'Tis a consummation Devoutly to be - oh, would you please shut it!

I write a lot of social and political satire, primarily on my Web site, but it does find its way into some of my short stories and novels. You can’t talk about embodied identity, as I do in Both Sides. NOW! for instance, with acknowledging that it has a political dimension (beyond the fact that the President of the United States is a character). Just so we know what we’re talking about: satire is a specific form of humour which holds bad public behaviour up to ridicule; once the reader has stopped laughing, she is invited to think about the object of the ridicule.

 Obviously, people who are held up to ridicule and their supporters could be offended by one’s satire. Does this bother me? There are a couple of glib ways of dealing with this question. The first is that as long as people whose public actions offend me are the ones who are offended by what I write, I’m good. Another is that just about any work of art has the potential to offend somebody (as witness conservative efforts to ban certain children’s books from schools); that’s just a risk anybody who does something as public as writing has to take.

 My more considered answer comes out of experience I had years ago.

 In the 1990s, I was part of two radio sketch comedy groups: Earth Two and Dead Air. With Earth Two, we actually got into the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation’s offices and recorded half an hour of material; it still tickles me to think that somewhere in the bowels of CBC headquarters is a DAT tape with my voice on it. Dead Air ran for six half hour episodes on community radio; we released a 100 minute collection of our best sketches, most of which hold up to this day, if I do say so myself.

 Being around funny people was great because, of course, we talked comedy all the time. And, one of the things that I remember from those conversations is that a comedian should always be “on the side of the angels.” What does that mean? For me, it means you should always be able to articulate why you make the artistic choices you do; with satire specifically, it means that you must know what the object of your attack is and be able to justify it. I have sometimes been know to do outrageous things in my writing, but it’s usually not out of a desire merely to be outrageous; I usually have a deeper purpose that I can explain if called upon to do so.

 I’m sorry if innocent people are offended by what I do, but I hope that they’ll come to trust that I know what I’m doing.

TWENTY IN TWENTY

Okay, the first twenty unique readers have preordered copies of Both Sides. NOW! All of a sudden, this shit has gotten real. So, here’s a premium for those of you who may be sitting on the fence: for the next twenty people who preorder a copy of Both Sides. NOW!, I will send you an autographed copy of a SECOND BOOK from my stores of those I have written. You can choose from among the following:

1. The Alternate Reality News Service (6 books in the series)

They send reporters into other dimensions and have them write news articles about what they find there. This series of books has been described by a couple of readers as “a science fiction version of The Onion.”

General Collections

i. Alternate Reality Ain’t What it Used to Be

ii. What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children’s Toys

iii. Luna for the Lunies!

iv. The Street Finds its Own Uses for Mutant Technologies

Advice Columns Collections (think of a humourous sci fi Dear Abby)

v. The Alternate Reality News Service’s Guide to Love, Sex and Robots

vi. What the Hell Were You Thinking? Good Advice for People Who Make Bad Decisions

2. The Transdimensional Authority (3 books in the series)

For people who are hung up on, you know, plot and character and that kind of stuff, I have written three novels in this series. The TA is the organization that monitors and polices travel between dimensions: when you’re doing something naughty in a place where you shouldn’t be, they find you, stop you and take you back to where you should be.

i. Welcome to the Multiverse*

ii. You Can’t Kill the Multiverse**

iii. Random Dingoes

* Sorry for the Inconvenience

** But You Can Mess With its Head

3. Anthologies

I’ve been fortunate to have some short stories published in some really great anthologies. These are all worth having for your collection.

i. UnCONventional (theme: what goes on behind the scenes at science fiction conventions)

ii. Doorways to Extra Time (theme: what would you do if you access to a second, a minute, an hour or other time that nobody else had?)

iii. Explorers: Beyond the Horizon (theme: going where no one else has gone before)

iv. Love, Time, Space, Magic (theme: speculative fiction love and romance stories)

All of these books retail for over $10, some of them substantially more, so this is a pretty darn good deal, if I do say so myself. What do you have to do? Simple.

STEP ONE: Preorder Both Sides. NOW!

STEP TWO: Email me, the author, Ira Nayman at aardvarkseyes@hotmail.com with your name, your InkShares name if it’s different from the one you normally use, the street address where you would like me to send the book and which book you would like (most are available on Amazon.com if you would like more information about them before making your choice). If you cannot make up your mind, just say, “Surprise me!” and I’ll send you a random book from among those listed.

You can’t get much simpler than two steps. One simpler – that’s it. As with other crowdsourcing premiums, this will come into effect if I reach my goal: in this case, if I do actually come in in the top five of the competition, I will send out the books the next day.

I should warn you that I have a limited supply of some titles. If I do run out, I will announce it on Inkshares and/or email you asking for a second choice.

“But, Iiiiiiiiiraaaaaaaa,” I hear some of you say, “what about those of us who have already bought books. How can we get in on this free autographed book deal?” Not to worry – I have thought of you, too. For anybody who has already preordered a book, you can win a free, autographed book by getting another person to preorder a book. This adds a new step to the process:

STEP ONE: Somebody you know preorders Both Sides. NOW! on your recommendation.

STEP TWO: When that person emails me (at aardvarkseyes@hotmail.com) with their contact information and choice of free book premium, have them include a line saying that they were referred to me by you.

STEP THREE: Send me an email (at aardvarkseyes@hotmail.com) with your contact information and book choice, making it clear that you have won this premium by getting another person to preorder Both Sides. NOW!

I will make 10 books available for anybody who convinces new people to preorder the book. Again, you only get the premium if I come in in the top five, after which I will immediately send the books out. And, yes, it is possible to win more than one free book this way. For example, if you are one of the next 20 people to preorder the book, and you get a friend to also preorder the book, you will be eligible for two free books. Also, if you get more than one person you to know to preorder the book, you will get a free book for every person you sign up. I

f there are any questions about this, please feel free to ask. Otherwise, let’s have some fun!

THE WRITING CONTINUES, PART 1

Organizing this campaign takes a lot of my time and brainspace, so I have had to cut back a bit on what my life is really all about: the writing. To use the obvious example: I had gotten about 63,000 words into my next novel when I signed on for this. That has ground to a halt. (It’s not necessarily a bad thing, though: I had been on a tear over the previous month, going from 26,000 words, and perhaps I needed a break. When this is over, I’ll be able to get back to the novel afresh, sprinting down the home stretch towards my 80,000 word target.)

Nonetheless, the writing goes on outside this campaign. For one thing, there is the Insatiable Maw that is my Web site, Les Pages aux Folles (http://www.lespagesauxfolles), which must be fed every week. (I’ll have more to say about that next week.)

Then, there is the business of being a writer. Last week, I submitted a short story called The Stupefying Snailman, Gastropod of Justice Versus The Disease That Steals the Soul to a new British speculative fiction magazine called The Singularity. The story is a parody of superhero comics, of course, and I hope readers will find it hilarious, but it has a serious theme: the main character has Alzheimer’s Disease. My grandfather died of Alzheimer’s, and, as I get older, I have to wonder if my own memory lapses are just a symptom of passing time or early signs that I, too, have the disease. This story gave me the opportunity to explore how the disease affects people.

The story was accepted in less than an hour, the contract signed a couple of minutes later. I have never had an acceptance happen that quickly; I didn’t think it was physically possible given the physics of this universe. The story will appear in the second issue of The Singularity, roughly three months from now.

Sometimes, a good guy wins one. :-)

PS: Major props to Liz Hurst, the publisher at Pop Seagull Press (https://popseagullpublishing.wordpress.com/), for ordering a couple copies of Both Sides. NOW! yesterday. Check them out; they have published some killer spec fic anthologies (and, I’m not just saying that just because I have stories in them :-). You may not have heard of Pop Seagull, but give them a couple of years and they’ll be making some big noise, so you owe it to yourself to be one of the first people on your street to support them. Who doesn't love being able to say, "I knew them before they were big?"

So. me. What would you like to know?

I decided to devote my life to writing humour when I was eight years old; it’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do, and I’ve pursued it ever since. I remember the first things I wrote: parodies of the Sherlock Holmes stories that I was reading at the time. I wrote them out in longhand on the backs of my father’s legal-sized accounting sheets (the fronts had too many crisscrossing lines); three stories, one per page. And, I remember thinking, “How do writers come up with enough material to write whole long stories?”

At this point, I’ve written 30 books of prose, all told, so I guess I must have figured it out.

It’s strange, when you think of it, for an eight year-old to devote his life to comedy. Stranger still that he manages to actually do it (after all, how many people are actually lucky enough to make the careers they dream about when they’re children?). And, yet…

There’s a wonderful TV series called The Green Room. It’s just a half dozen stand-up comics sitting around in a room talking craft, but for humour junkies like myself it’s pure gold. On one episode, Eddie Izzard was one of the guests. He spoke of an encounter he had with his idol, Richard Pryor. After a little small talk, he found that the two men had something in common: they both wanted to be stand-up comedians when they were four years old.

When I heard that, my response was: “I thought I was precocious when I decided to devote my life to comedy when I was eight, but I was actually already half a lifetime behind the curve!”

PS: Great thanks to Shawn Hancock for preordering a book yesterday, and especially for his sage advice. You’re a smart cookie, Shawn.

I have two goals for entering the Inkshares/Nerdist writing contest:

1. To win an American publishing contract. (D’uh!)

2. To not be * THAT GUY *.

You know the guy I’m talking about. The one who alienates all of his friends and family by constantly pestering them to preorder his book. The one who checks his stats every five minutes to see if somebody else has preordered his book (even though we get an email telling us when somebody has preordered a book, so there’s no point to checking). The guy who walks up to random strangers in the street and begs, “Will you please preorder my book. Please? Please? Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaasssssse!”

Yeah, that guy.

Because this is my life. I have to live with the consequences of my behaviour. I try to live by a couple of simple rules. The obvious one is the Golden Rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I want to be treated well by others, so d’uh again. The less obvious one is to leave wherever you are better than when you entered it. If you treat others merely as tools to reach an objective of your choosing, you are denying them their autonomy, their right to choose, and demonstrably making the world worse, not better.

I have approached a couple of people I have minor connections to for help, and I have certainly asked my friends and family for their support. I think one or two things I have done already may have crossed the line into being annoying to the people I did them to, going a little way to making me that guy (this is the first time I have ever entered anything like this, and I’m kind of groping towards the best way to accomplish goal one while respecting goal two), and I may cross some boundaries in the future. I’m human.

In the end, though, whether or not I win a publishing contract, I will have to live with what I did to get there. And I will try my best not to be that guy.

PS: How awesome is my sister, Lisa? She bought three copies of Both Sides. NOW! without even knowing what it was about. I just said one or two things about the writing contest, and her response was, “Where do I sign up?” (The fact that she’s the kind of person who is likely to love it is just a bonus.)

Family can really be great.

PPS: And a big shoutout to First Thursday friends Ian Pedoe and Richard E., who also preordered copies of the book yesterday. And lots of hugs to Patricia Bobisha, a long-time family friend who took hardly any arm-twisting at all, really, to preorder the book, and with whom I had a long middle of the night conversation afterwards. Friends can be really great, too.

I’ve been a bit left-footed when it came to the Nerdist writing contest. I only found out about it two days after it had started. That means that I have two less days to run my campaign than most people. However, if I had been aware of this contest two months ago, I would have started contacting people and lining up support then, so, in fact, I’m probably far, far behind other people. Oh, well.

It also means that I’ve been feeling my way around the Inkshares Website since I started, and am only getting the hang of certain features. That is why I only got around to putting up a video last night.

Which is kind of a roundabout way of saying, “Oh, hey, folks, I put up a video last night!”

It is called “A Book Trailer Called ‘Book Trailer.’” It was originally created to promote my second Alternate Reality News Service (more about that later) book called What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children’s Toys (available at all better Amazons near you). As you will see once you get past the opening credits, though, it’s really just me being goofy and having fun with the concept of books trailers.

Enjoy. Oh, and, if you like it, vould it kill you to mention it your friends a bissel?

PS: Big shoutout to Jeremy Thomas for being the second person I do not know to preorder a copy of Both Sides. NOW! Another 988 people like you, and I’ll meet my production quota!

SATURDAY SHORTS

No, that’s not a fashion suggestion (even though the weather in my part of the world is currently conducive to it). My Web Goddess, who knows much more about marketing than I ever will, has suggested that I post occasional short bits of my writing to pique the interest of people who are following me. I have short pieces of writing – I can do that! Expect something every Saturday.

To celebrate the inaugural Saturday Short, the writing I will post is not writing at all, but a cartoon (this is my first attempt to post an image on this site, so cross your fingers):

http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca/index.phtml?pg=59&chap=3644

I know what you’re thinking: “But, Ira, what makes you think you can create cartoons when you can barely draw a straight line with a ruler?” My first response would be: you know me way too well, you know that? Then, I would think about it for a moment and respond: I’m a fan of a lot of cartoonists who have what could be considered a “rough” or even “primitive” artistic style. The important question really is: is the cartoon amusing and/or does it have something to say?

You can be the judge…

PS: Delicate Negotiations can be found on my Web site, Les Pages aux Folles. I’ll have more to say about that in the coming weeks – stay tuned!

PPS: How awesome are my friends? The first person to preorder Both Sides. NOW! was Stephen. The 11th person to buy the book was Siew. They are married. What are they going to do with multiple copies? One for the bathroom, one for the bedroom, perhaps? Give one away as a - it has adult content, so Christmas gift may not be appropriate – Valentine’s Day gift? They don’t really know, but this is how they support a friend?

Awesome.

Great thanks to Elsewhen Press stablemate Dave Weaver for being the latest person to preorder Both Sides. NOW! We're now in double digits! Next time I'm in England, the first round's on me, mate. ;-)

“Why is what you write so…you know, weird?”

Ah. Thank you, Anonymous Fan, for that insightful question. Here is my (hopefully) insightful answer.

I decided when I was eight years old that I wanted to write comedy. Comedy. I have been combining it with speculative fiction for almost a decade, but you have to remember that my first commitment is to making people laugh (more of my thoughts on that will come in a future post). Therefore, what most writers would think of as hard genre boundaries, I see as just so much tissue paper.

This is most obvious in my second novel, You Can’t Kill the Multiverse*, which starts with a wizard trying to get a spell right that would allow him to take control of our universe. Fantasy, right? The next two segments of the story follow a couple of street cops investigating the chaotic aftermath of his spell. Police procedural? What’s that doing in there? Once they realize that the wizard is from another universe, they call in a member of the Transdimensional Authority, the organization whose job is to monitor unauthorized travel between universes. So, finally, we have science fiction!

But, the porous genre boundaries occur in other ways. There are a lot of cultural references in my writing, many to speculative fiction (ie: in my first novel, a character is described as wearing a bowtie “because he had heard somewhere that bowties were cool”), but other’s not (one of the settings in You Can’t Kill the Multiverse* is a place called Joe’s Garage; there are a couple of stoner characters in my first novel whose names are Tommy and Richard; etc.).

For me, it’s all about what will get a laugh in the context of the moment in the narrative. All other considerations (such as genre boundaries) are secondary.

There’s a second aspect to this question; to consider it, let’s go back to that eight year-old boy. He took it into his head that the best way to become a successful artist was to tell stories that other people weren’t telling in a voice that was uniquely his own. If I were able to go back in time and tell him what I now know about writing, I might have told him that he was completely wrong: the easiest way to become a successful artist was to tell the same stories everybody is familiar with (with small variations) in a bland voice. But then again, I might not. Because books with stories I haven’t read before written in a unique style are the kind I love to read, and they say that writers always write the kinds of books they would like to read but can’t find enough of.

So, I’m sorry if you find my books…you know, weird? However, everything new is weird when you first encounter it. But if you give my writing a chance, I think you’ll find that it’s really…you know, fun.

* But You Can Mess With its Head

PS: Big shoutout to Kris Calvin, the first person to pre-order Both Sides. NOW! who isn’t either a friend or family member. You rock!

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