Yowies Rule
By Greg Scott
Out in the bush and late at night something is lurking that will give you a fright. All over Australia it snoops and it sneaks, hiding in caves and caverns and creeks.
That something is big and terribly mean and because it is sneaky it’s rarely seen. The Yowie has long arms and is covered in hair; with his big teeth and sharp claws he’ll rip, shred and tear!
The Yowie is scary and really quite vicious and he eats kid sausages ‘cause he thinks they’re delicious! He makes them from children who won’t go to bed. He sneaks into their bedroom and eats them instead.
If you listen at night when the sun has gone down you’ll hear some strange noises that’ll turn your smile upside-down. A rustle, or a snap, or a crunch or a shriek and you’ll open your eyes to have a quick peak. A flash of some fur, a glint of an eye and a strong stinky smell. Yes, a Yowie’s dropped by!
He’ll prod you and poke you to see if you’re ripe. Then he’ll cover you in sauce to make sure you’re just right. With two slices of bread and some butter for taste, he’ll mince you and squeeze you so that there’s no waste. He’ll gobble you up and leave a clean plate. I’m not kidding nor joking. Fair shake of the sauce bottle there mate!
Now children don’t worry and please don’t you fret. There is no need at all to get very upset. There’s a few simple rules that us Aussies all know, that I’ll teach you right now which will help you all grow. Now listen up carefully and turn on your ears. It’s important you know to avoid any tears.
Rule number 1 will help you dodge certain death. So clean up your chompers to have squeaky clean breath. So brush your teeth well but don’t be too quick, you need fresh minty breath to make Yowies feel sick.
Rule number 2 is really quite easy. Nips from tics and fleas make the old Yowie queasy. So if you want to give him a fright, make sure when you lay on your pillow at night, get your mum or dad to say “Sleep tight” so you can shout bravely “Don’t let the bed bugs bite!”
Rule number 3 is the last on my list, it’s the easiest to follow, so take note, I insist. Your Mum and Dad are the wisest about, they were young once, they’ve seen life play out. So don’t you be rude, and hear what they speak, they don’t want to hear any of your cheek!
Naughty kids are a lure, they bring them right in. You don’t want to end up in the Yowie’s biscuit tin. So simply listen to what your Mum and Dad say, as it will help keep the hungry Yowie at bay.
Despite all the stories there is nothing to fear. I’m misunderstood, I am truly sincere. I’m a really nice fella, it’s true, it’s no joke. I’m a scholar, a gentleman, a tip top old bloke.
I’m lonely, you see. There’s no one about, I’m all by myself. All the rest have died out. People are meanies and I’m really quite shy. I’m the last of my kind and I don’t want to die.
I’m not scary at all. Trust me, it’s true. I’m as cute and as cuddly as a baby kangaroo. Some people they say that I smell really wrong but I wash and use gum leaves to ensure I don’t pong.
You may see a few footprints or even tufts of my hair but by the time people see them I’m asleep in my lair. I’m a curious old critter, so I snoop and I sneak and at night I explore and I poke and I peak. I hide in the shadows so you won’t see me, you’ll look out your window and you’ll think I’m a tree. I like the excitement, you see, and I need to have fun, I’d love to have mates but I’m the last one.
It’s true I like sausages. Yes, thick, thin and fat. But not made of people who’d want to eat that? You’re too icky and gristly, I don’t mean to throw stones, but your meat is too gamey with too many bones.
Your parents, you see, like to tell tall tales of creatures and critters from throughout New South Wales. They do this, you see, to get you to be good. And they’re right you know. Really, you should!
So behave for your folks and then life’ll be sweet and it won’t be kid sausages that I’ll have to eat!
Greg Scott
47 Primrose Ave
Rosebery NSW 2018
PH: 0416 163285
E-mail: possumbrush78@gmail.com
Yowies Rule Greg Scott |