~Reckoning~
The Chamber
He would just go and bury his head in a corner, but of course they would put him in this round cavernous room. No corners to be had.
“The walls are closing in on me! I can’t breathe. I gotta get out of this place! Damn! I can’t breath.”
Jackson continued to talk to himself out loud as he nervously paced the confines of this holding area; round and round he went. He feverishly rubbed back and forth on his head as if this would alleviate the thoughts of his mortality and impending insanity.
“I mean, have I done enough? Is it over or is this simply some sort of recess?" He had lost all of his bearings. He could not grasp the severity of what was to come or the gravity of what he had been through. He simply answered their questions as best he could.
But the roller coaster they had put him on, his up and down ride of emotions, could he stand any more of this?
The pain, the loss, every mistake he had ever made; intentional or not, it had all been fodder for these proceedings. And those images! How had they gotten those, he wondered. Just like everything else, he imagined. He had become a lab rat! Exposing him like a patient on the operating table. Except it wasn't his body they were cutting into, it was his mind. It was his heart. It was his soul. And they weren't trying to fix anything. It was more like an autopsy, an exploration into his soul, as if there were a cancer that could give explanation to who he was.
“What more could they want from me? There can’t be any more to this can it?”
“CAN IT”? He pleaded to no one and nothing. But he was being listened to.
“Dear God, when is this going to end?”
Time seemed no more, in this space, in this place. The very concept seemed to have lost its meaning to him. He could not even begin to hazard a guess at how long he had been here. Here? Yeah. Can’t guess that either. With an exhaled breath of resignation, he realized that attempting to figure this all out wasn’t helping. So, Jackson tried to clear and focus his mind. He thought of how perfect his life seemed before all of this. How happy he was when he was with her. Until the end. Even that seemed like forever ago. Not helping either, he thought.
Think of nothing, he tried to command his brain. Think of nothing. Nothing, he whispered once again. He closed his eyes and simply stood in what he figured to be the center of this room facing a curved wall and waited.
He had finally settled into a meditation like breathing rhythm when he felt a brief disturbance in the air. The ever so slight whisper of the large metal doors opening behind him was unnerving in their near silence. He felt a faint rush of air pass over the back of his neck and knew that his time in this place was coming to an end. He was being summoned from this holding room. With a furrowed brow and slumped shoulders, he turned and stepped towards them as they patiently and silently waited for him to move. He was solemnly and quickly led back to his place in the cavernous main chamber. Step by agonizing step, ever closer to the prison made of light still waiting for him just ahead.
After he arrived and was moved into the center, he once again found himself bathed in the brightness emanating from somewhere unseen high overhead. He looked up but could not discern its source. This one swath of light that barely kept the surrounding darkness at bay seemed to appear from nowhere. It just was.
It was so black in here he thought as he dared to look around....one last time? As he cautiously looked around drinking in the emptiness that threatened to swallow him, his body shivered ever so slightly as he awaited his fate.
He felt alone and resigned to whatever lay in front of him in this place. Wherever this place was. Whatever his fate would be. It was his new reality and there would be no escape from it. Only one way through, he thought. Or so was his hope.
The council members sat high above in front of him silently observing him. Still, they remained cloaked in shadow. Still, he could not see them beyond a faint outline of their forms. The light in which he stood never reaching them. But, he indeed knew that they were there. He had the impression that they regarded him as one would a caged animal on Earth. No emotion. No empathy. Only questions. Only judgement.
This had been the longest night of his life. Time continued to have no meaning in this place, no progress, no way to measure, but it felt like an eternity had passed since he had been put through these proceedings. He had been forced to relive, seemingly, every mistake that he had ever made and had his soul laid bare before this tribunal, splayed about as one would a wild game kill.
He had been put on trial as much for the things he had done as the person he was; or rather had become. And now it appeared as though he was reaching the end of this examination of his life. Or simply the end of his life?
How had he ever gotten to this place he wondered, again. It was no doubt the most humbling and excruciatingly painful experience of his life. Had he done enough? Had he impressed upon them who and what he truly was? Was his abhorrent behavior taken for what it was? An abhorration? He had no idea. They gave nothing away in their demeanor.
Whatever the outcome, lest it be death, he would be glad to put this whole thing behind him. He had no idea how this would end for him. But he knew that his life as it had been to this point was over. That is, if he even survived this ordeal to live a different life. He was snapped out of his thoughts by the booming voice from the middle of the raised panel.
“Order is gained. These proceedings shall reconvene. In the matter before us and in standing and accordance to the governing universal laws and covenants, we have heard all arguments and have arrived at our decision. We have reached a decision”, boomed a voice from the center of the panel.
“Face me young man.”
Jackson lifted his head to face the voice. His stoic outward demeanor betrayed a cauldron of emotion bubbling within. He dared not show any weakness or trepidation at this moment. It took every bit of self control he could muster to remain still and kept his face placid.
This was the moment. From everything that had been said to him. All the threats and reminders of the worse outcome and what his eternal soul would suffer, this was the moment. His absolute moment of fate.
His body slightly trembled at the thought of this not working out in his favor. At the thought of an everlasting eternal hell. It was almost too much for him to process. His mind began to go blank. His body starting shutting down. The space before and around him became almost claustrophobic. He could barely remain standing. As much as he could, he maintained a calm expression. Besides, there was nothing that he could do anyway.
“Jackson.”
With dry lips and a quivering tongue, he croaked out a weak, “Yes?”
“The time has come.”
Again, he felt as if he could not breathe. The tightness in his chest and pounding of blood in his ears, rendering him almost deaf.
He was on the verge of losing control of his faculties. He hoped the worst had passed. He would be wrong.
“We find...”