Discussion

Yhp0 9p8 Elizabeth Rain · Author · added 6 months ago
@Carlee I think it’s fine we have a differing of opinions! As you said, all criticism is subjective, but I do come from a place of helping the author! Who by no means has to bend to every critique they receive (that would be ridiculous). I always want to give some criticism, no matter how amazing the story is, so that the writer can ponder about things they may not have thought about regarding their story. Perhaps they think my view is garbage, unreasonable, or simply out of touch. Perfectly fine! But otherwise, I hope the author is reflective of all their reader’s views. As without critique, we’d never improve our craft, which is all I ever hope for every writer. Either way, I’m happy you’re enjoying the story as much as I am, and I hope @A.Yasin updates soon. :) 
File0173export copy A.Yasin · Author · added 6 months ago
@Elizabeth Rain  and @Carlee 

Thank you both so much for your concise reviews! I originally went with Carlee in that an opinion can be subjective, however many of the characters Elizabeth mentioned hold a lot of weight later. For instance, Zari’s uncle is at the foundation of the main epic I’m writing (he is mentioned in Chapter 1 of Warmonger as the captured Zahavan madman actually so there’s a spoiler as to his fate LOL). The guard taking care of Rishi also returns on a large scale platform nearer the end. Aryan contributed more to the world building I will admit that. Also, I have to keep in mind this is a prequel and that in the main story, Kyla is just one of a cast of main characters - hence, more exploration and development will continue after this story is over. But other than that, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised as we go on because I tried to join Kyla and Lindorm’s development. When they come apart, it will happen together. I wanted to paint a picture of Kyla’s stoic, unemotional self as a slave to a benign Fae before having her come to terms with the fact that she too can be something more. The emotional climax has to be explosive in my eyes because of course, she’s a Zodiac and that power is at its best with emotion behind it.

Once again, I enjoyed both your reviews so thank you so much! 
21730876 1926740727615656 1955097579237536061 n 1505763060533 Carlee · Reader · edited 6 months ago · 1 like
@Elizabeth Rain I disagree. I think the characters introduced are building toward future inclusion in the story and that the pace feels fast, but not at all like there is anything missing. There is no need to have an immediate reason to introduce a character, as they are introduced to us naturally as she meets them, and are (or will be) given a "reason" as the story develops. 

Kyla is more interesting as a bit of a mystery unraveling. Instead of knowing her thought processes line by line, I think it’s better for the story to allow us to infer it, not wasting pages that don’t move the story.  We know, for instance, that she is clever, despite not being let in on the details of her thoughts for future plans.

I understand your criticism, but I think it’s subjective. As a reader, I enjoy this pace and style very much, and disagree with you that more detail about Kyla would be better. More would muddy the story and bog down the pace. More would just be more. There’s plenty of detail to allow the world created to be full and engrossing, and other than that, a little room for imagination helps, rather than stifles, the reader experience. The problems added seem to me to be well thought out, to be dealt with as the story moves forward, creating an intricate and complex story.

Again, I certainly see your points, and they were made constructively, but they really just boil down to your opinion, which I respectfully disagree with. I find the pace captivating, the editing and conciseness of the story perfect, not too much or too little, and the development of the characters and plot very engaging. 
Yhp0 9p8 Elizabeth Rain · Author · edited 2 months ago · 2 likes
Hello! I’ve gone through all your chapters (seven thus far) and I must say I am enjoying the read. Your world building feels smooth and natural, leaving me interested in finding out more about it.

However, and this could be me, but I feel like you’re rushing. We’re taught to keep a reader’s attention through a moderate pace, but I feel like each chapter is a sprint. You have obvious investment in your ideas and scenes, but there’s more to a novel than plot. For example- I would have liked more time in between Kyla  hearing the queen’s proposition so she can ponder the repercussions more with some planning to show us some insight to her character. It would have then been more interesting to see her react to Indra’s abuse and her questioning if she would want to follow the orders of an obviously cruel ruler. 

Another sacrifice from the pace of things is we’re not seeing as much of Kyla’s thought process as I think we should get from a first person POV. At moments it feels like you’re using the third person but with ’I’ pronouns instead. First person allows us to be intimate with our heroes, and there is a lot stacking on Kyla. I’d like her to see her pondering her circumstances more, as she’s already shown to be clever.

Also, since we’re moving so quickly, character after character seems to be introduced without an immediate reason. I’m not sure why we’re putting any focus on the guard that said he’d help Rishi, to show that not all half breeds are jerks? We could have learned this from Zari. Also, why were  we introduced to the other guard as well when Zari could have found and killed the goblin, showing her skills as a warrior/guard?

I hope you find these criticisms constructive. If you take anything away from this I hope it’s that I want you to slow your pace so I can have MORE of your details. I’m invested,  I don’t want to feel pushed from chapter to chapter, seeing more characters I’m not sure to place (or even remember what they looked like) and more problems added that aren’t thought about. Let your characters have some time to bathe in the light.

Happy writing! 
File0173export copy A.Yasin · Author · added 7 months ago
@Rubyred4655 

Thank you! I haven’t actually read the dragonlance series but this gives me a chance to get into a new fantasy world :D
Userphoto8 original Rubyred4655 · Reader · added 7 months ago
I have read the dragonlance series way back and this is definitely an upgrade, more human if I say so myself. Hope you reach the funding, fingers crossed.
File0173export copy A.Yasin · Author · added 7 months ago
@The Envoy  I usually pick the scene i think is best in the chapter and take the name from that. I bet you can tell which was my favourite scene in the latest chapter xD
Moi The Envoy · Author · added 7 months ago
I really like the names of all the chapter titles. What’s your process for coming up with them? 

Hey all! Should anyone be interested, I have uploaded a draft version of the epic high fantasy that inspired the prequel that is ’Wicked Little Creatures’. Please feel free to read the first chapter!

https://www.inkshares.com/books/warmonger-the-zodiac-kingdom-1-

File0173export copy A.Yasin · Author · added 7 months ago · 2 likes
All, thank you for the support. Things have been progressing well...I have 7 pre-orders on 5 chapters which is a wonderful start. It would be amazing to double that to 14 and I am posting art on my Instagram relating to the story to spread awareness. I’m super excited to update chapter 6 (the story’s really gaining momentum) but I promised myself - not until I hit that 14