WHEN RIVER JUMPED

Chapter ONE

Like twin brothers bound together….

“Can you hear that, did you hear that” – she lifted her head and looked up to try and see who had spoken.

There seemed to be no one around but she heard the voice again, even softer, “Did you hear that, can you see that…. Sound, shape and a colour…… of a feeling”.

She looked around again and saw no one. The beach was deserted, the ocean waves came in and out again. A gentle soothing motion which held her gaze as she thought about the voice and what it said , ‘shape, colour , sound of a feeling’ , the words walked across her mind and she found herself thinking of all the positive feelings she had. Gentleness, compassion, grace, love of her family - all beautiful things which made her smile and feel peace inside. Each of them a blessing , as she felt blessed when she connected to that place deep and safe inside.

She got up and walked towards the water’s edge. The sea felt warm and healing on her feet and she dared to walk in a little deeper than she had done before. She went further , up to her knees and let her hands fall by her side, her fingers running through the top of the surface water. She moved them and watched how the water danced with them, patterns came and went and she followed them all. She then heard it again, the voice. “What’s it like to touch that feeling? Let it touch you?”

She looked back at the beach but there was no one. Surprisingly for her, she was not scared. The voice and its words were as comforting as the warm waters she continued to walk through. She lifted her gaze up towards the distant horizon and beyond the sun which blazed there, far away. The air shimmered, the haze drifted and she felt her thoughts drift away with it. She felt herself moving from one thought to the next in her mind, not stopping to concentrate or focus on anything in specific. Words began to form in her mind things that she had never felt before – beyond the waves and beneath the haze of the day she left that place spiritually.

She floated above the physical form of the world and found herself relaxing more as every second went by. It was like the best meditation she had ever known , her breathing became shallow and her mind clear of the debris she often wanted to leave behind. It felt like she had left it on the beach or it had been taken away from her as she drifted through time and space. , the minutes waving as they flew by. She continued to drift and looked down at the landscape , the scenery beginning to change beneath her with every second. Mountain ranges, snow-capped and vast spread out below her one minute to be re-placed by the lush green meadows of fields where animals grazed throughout the next. In the next moment she looked upon vast fields of sun flowers sitting amongst streams which tumbled and twirled across the countryside feeding into lakes where birds drifted across the top of the water.

A voice entered into her consciousness “You need to come down and be here”.

She found herself slowly descending towards a lake which was fed into by several streams. There was a clearing surrounded by pines and the smell of them intoxicated her senses as she landed softly at the side of the lake. Walking slowly she noticed that where the streams converged there were several large rocks which sat half in and half out of the water. On one of these rocks she noticed a man sitting alone staring at the water. She looked around for somewhere to sit and found herself drawn towards a flat area of grass close to the rock where he sat staring at the water.

She walked over and slowly sat down looking up to see if he noticed her or even acknowledged her arriving. He did neither and continued to stare intently at the water as it tumbled past into the blue crystal waters of the lake. She adjusted her sight to the surroundings and looked round slowly trying to see exactly where she was and what lay around. It was strange that despite never ever setting foot in the place she felt calm and peaceful and a strange sense of belonging to it. Blue and yellow flowers populated the water’s edge and trees lived alongside them, their branches provided shade where necessary from the bright rays of the burning sun. The trees branches did more than that though as they also acted as silhouettes which allowed the light from the sun to filter through onto the areas around both the grass and the water. They reflected onto and into the water and lit up areas where flowers grew wild and free throughout the clearing.

“When you look into the abyss, you become a part of it”.

The voice came from next to her and the man who sat , staring into the water as he spoke.

“I’m sorry I didn’t...”

“When you look into the abyss, you become a part of it I said”.

“Well I don’t know I’ve never looked in there , can’t say if that’s the case or not” she said trying not to sound to knowing.

“Like twin brothers, bound together, entwined, connected”.

She thought for a moment before answering , “When you put it like that I suppose it’s true”.

The man lifted his gaze from the water and glanced at her quickly before returning his eyes to the hypnotic waters, “I looked into the abyss too long, held its gaze for more than I should have”.

She felt she wanted to move away and that the peace and tranquillity of what she had just experienced would be shattered and disappear if she stayed and continued the conversation. Her mind raced to find a way in which she could get up and move somewhere else but she heard the voice from the beach once again.

“Don’t leave him , he needs to speak and needs you to listen”.

She felt that this was the last thing she wanted to do but sat and said , “Like twin brothers you said”.

The man didn’t respond immediately and simply sat staring. Time passed, minutes went by until he spoke again, “Yes like twin brothers or blood brothers. I stood at the edge too long and held its hand for what seemed an eternity. I looked into it , stared , and could not pull myself away. It saw me and I saw all of it and for a while it tempted me”.

She thought about what the man had said and the way that he spoke in such a short and punctuated way, as if he was delivering a poem. “What did you see in there?” she asked after a considerable amount of time.

“Despair, desolation, emptiness and a pit of fear which went on for ever. I recognised it immediately as it was a reflection really, a reflection of my insides. The abyss smiled at me and pulled me close but I didn’t give in to its call”, he paused slightly before adding , “until now”.

She felt the words , icy and cold upon her skin , “Until now?....... But you’re here and not staring at it now. It’s beautiful here”.

“Is it beautiful I will have to take your word for that? My eyes and mind can only focus on what was left behind by that time”, slowly pushing his soles onto the rock and lifting himself onto his feet as he spoke again , “ I think it’s time now.”

She was instantly alert , “It’s time now for what?”.

“Time to go , time to finally jump and find out if it is all that I want it to be”, he said looking up and then down at her.

Then he jumped feet first into the waters of the stream below the rock , disappearing straight away into the cold waters.

She got up quickly rushing to the edge to see him and help pull him clear of the rushing waters as they tumbled down towards the bends of other streams. She looked into the water but could see no sign of him – nothing at all. She ran along the bank and looked further down the stream but again nothing. She ran back to where he jumped in and stared intently at the spot that he entered into the water. There was nothing there , no sign of any sort. She stood up and turned to the rock itself , where he had been sitting , and saw a book which had writing across the front and had the words “From the Inside” written across the front of it.

She walked over and picked the book up , holding it carefully as she did , and opened it.

She started to read.

CHAPTER TWO

Innocence was laughing……..

Inside the book there were pages and pages of notes, scribbles and drawings. Some of the writing was neat and tidy and presented in an orderly way and the sentences flowed from page to page. In other places the writing was more disorganised , lines of poems written haphazardly across the page , over flowing onto other pages. As she thumbed through the book certain ones hit her full in the face.

“When I die and my corpse lays rotting in the earth…….Feel like I’m imploding today from inside to out……Loneliness eats through me tonight……..When you’re not here the devil has my ear, he whispers , he taunts , he creates and he haunts”.

She continued to scan through the pages and found similar themes all the way through it and every space which could be written in was filled with something. She was about to put the book down when her eyes were drawn to a single line written at the top of the last page, “I think it’s time now!!!!!”. She was struck by these words , they were the last ones the man said before he jumped and disappeared. She looked back at the water as its surface rippled with the wind that softly blew across it. There was nothing there , he was not there.

She felt suddenly cold and looked up to see a single dark cloud pass across the face of the sun. She hunted for her bag and pulled out the jumper she always kept in it and quickly put it on. She felt the wind increase and the waters of the lake and streams rise to meet it. She pulled herself into her jumper and tried to bury herself deeper into its warm depths. It wasn’t working and she felt as if someone had just walked across her shadow or her grave as the saying went. She looked around to see if there was anywhere which could offer some warmth and shelter from the cloud which seemed to be sitting directly across the middle of the sun and not moving. The wind continued to increase and the tree branches shifted uneasily above her head. She picked up her bag and started to walk towards the rock face looking for entry into any nook and cranny which may offer her some form of shelter and respite from the coldness which threatened to consume her. She walked along the face of the wall and found herself a small crevice which offered her some protection from the wind and huddled, trying to pull every part of her together to get some warmth. The wind whistled in amongst the tress which shook angrily under its pull and the waters of the streams chattered and whispered to each other as they ran across the rocks underneath its surface.

“He had to go you know. It was time he stopped thinking and did what he needed to. Sometimes you can’t save everyone, they have to save themselves….if they want to” , the voice whispered to her through the sound of the rustling leaves.

Since hearing the voice on the beach she had no thoughts of speaking back. It felt like she was there to listen and conversing was not on the table; she was to listen and not speak. But the unexpected turn of events, the man jumping, talk of an abyss and the rising noise of the wind seemed to change all of what had gone before.

“What did he need to do? I don’t understand” she cried out into the nothingness of the darkening day.

There was no response; the voice remained silent and the clearing stayed empty. The winds died, the cloud disappeared and the full rays of the sun returned.

She came out from where she had been sheltering and felt the warmth of the sun return to her face. Her spirits lifted at its touch, like a lovers soft fingers on her cheek and she raised her head to stare directly into it for some time. Her jumper discarded she walked over towards the stream which ran quite now and bent down to wash her face in its waters. The waters may have been still but she felt moved inside with a sense of loss for someone she didn’t know who had jumped. What was his story, his history, his life? Why could he not have stayed and what was it that he had to do? She scooped another handful of the refreshing water into her hands and threw it across the back of her neck feeling its coldness trickle down her spine.

“Will you play with me now?”

A child’s voice , soft and calm , spoke from behind her.

Her head shot round and she started to stand up. The voice came from a boy who stood looking at her from a few feet away. She didn’t hear him come up to her and for a moment she was startled. His hair was the brightest blonde and hung down over his small and fragile shoulders and he was dressed in a red tracksuit top, blue jeans and black boots which came half way up his slender legs to his calf. In his hand he held a red football, offering it out towards her as he stood there. He looked about 8 or 9 years old from his size although his face showed wisdom beyond those years. The most startling thing about him, apart from appearing from apparent thin air, was his eyes. They were the deepest brown and surrounded by eyelashes so long they half covered their vivid colour. The thought which came immediately to her mind, from nowhere, was that was the colour that chocolate should always be.

The boy spoke again, pleading, “Will you play with me now?”

She tried to stay calm, giving herself time to adjust, “Well yes of course “, before adding slowly “Sorry , forgive me , but I don’t understand. Where did you come from?”

The boy looked at her for a moment before replying, “Here and there. My names River, what’s yours?” throwing the ball high into the air and catching it without taking his eyes away from her face as it dropped.

She felt herself relax, less fearful now, “Me! Well my name’s not as nice as yours, its Sarah”, bending down a little so as to appear less threatening.

“Yeah I knew that, but just wanted to check. They said you would come to play someday, but that seems such a long time ago I nearly forgot”, spinning around again and throwing the ball in her direction.

Sarah caught it just before it hit her in the face and threw it back quickly. He caught it deftly, spun round two or three times and started to walk towards the water’s edge himself. He didn’t stop at the edge, smoothly stepping off into the water itself. He started to walk up against the current singing softly to himself.

“You staying or coming” he shouted back over his shoulder at Sarah.

He was ten yards away from her in a short space of time and Sarah started after him. She was afraid of him being in the water after what had just happened, although he seemed more at home than any other child she had ever seen. She hurried after him trying to catch up.

“River wait, slow down please” she shouted at him, more in confusion than discomfort at his unexpected arrival. Sarah needed him to stop and talk to her. She needn’t worry River suddenly stopped, turned round and looked past her and stood staring at the rock where the man had been sitting.

“Where’s Tony?” he said, craning his small neck to look around her now.

“Tony, who’s Tony?” she said trying to hide any knowledge she might have about who he was speaking about.

River had turned now and started to walk back towards her, speaking as he did, “Tony, sits on the rock all day staring at the water. I’ve never not known him being there. Where is he?”

She tried to maintain her ignorance, “Sorry I don’t know a Tony”, trying to sound convincing.

He stopped, almost level with her now, looking directly at her, the smile he had worn since he had arrived gone from his face , “Sarah please don’t.”.

She shifted her eyes from his, looking away as she spoke back, “Don’t what River?”.

“Please don’t lie to me or try and protect me. I don’t need protecting here ever….Never ever. Where is Tony?”

Sarah lowered her head , her voice lowering with it , “He jumped into the water and I haven’t seen him since”.

River looked at her, his face fell and his eyes closed momentarily. He opened them again but the light which had reflected off them before seemed to fade, sadness entering into them. It contained a depth and intensity of sadness which Sarah had never witnessed before. River lowered his head and stood still for a moment before finally speaking.

“Did he say anything before he jumped?”.

Sarah paused, looking at him and searching to offer comfort with anything she might say, “He said he needed to go, that was the last thing he said”.

River lifted his head and his gaze and scanned her face to see if this was the truth. He found what he needed and started to slowly smile again whilst the sadness remained in his eyes, “Thank you”.

He walked slowly over to her and put his small and fragile arms around her waist and held her close to his face before releasing her and taking her hand in his. He lead her back towards the rock where Tony had been and made her sit down with her back against it , following her and doing the same once she was settled. They sat there for a while, his hand in hers on top of his knee as the sun held them in its warmth and the trees sat silently with them, as they paid them no mind.

River spoke slowly after moments of silence between them and the world, “He used to play with me every day. We used to play here for ages and I was so happy when we did. He used to watch me play on my own also and write things which were so nice and made me laugh”, he paused and then continued after a time, “He said that I reminded him of something long gone. He was always writing and sometimes would share what he had written. I always wanted more but he said some things are best not heard, that they are better left unsaid”.

Sarah listened intently and felt the emotion in the words that River spoke. She looked at his delicate features and found a beauty and grace that she had never seen before. She only felt she could offer him something after a time had passed.

“That sounds really nice and its good you got to play together”, watching his face for a reaction, “What kind of things did he write and tell you?”

River spoke looking out across the stream and lake as he did , “I can’t remember all of what he wrote but he watched me playing one day chasing butterflies and frogs and I remember what he wrote on that day, well some of it”.

“That sounds like a good day “, she said, “What can you remember about what he wrote on that day?”.

“It was one of the best and he was smiling all day. I think it went….across a cloudless sky, innocence was laughing, at a butterfly – resting, on a child’s hand, and as they talked they found beauty…… There was more but I liked that best so he taught it to me before I went for the day”, River replied smiling slightly now as he remembered the memory.

Sarah didn’t speak immediately. River was right it was beautiful and she could imagine him running around chasing and catching butterflies whilst Tony watched smiling. She found herself smiling in response to River’s and the feelings around them lifted slightly.

“River that is beautiful and so sounds like Tony liked you”, she said after a time.

River lifted his head and looked at her, his eyes speaking without words , “Tony loved me and I loved him. That’s the most important thing he knew I loved him” , he paused to let the words sink in for Sarah before adding “ Read me the rest of that poem”.

Sarah’s face showed her puzzlement and confusion, which was shown also in her words, “Read the rest of it. How can I do that River?”

“Look in the book, it’s in your bag. Please find it and read it to me. I’m sure he won’t mind as it’s for me”.

“Sorry River I don’t have Tony’s book in my bag. It was on the rock and I did look at it but it’s not in my bag”, Sarah said directly to his face knowing that the truth was all he wanted.

River kept on looking at her, his smile growing, Sarah it’s in your bag, just read it please”.

Sarah looked at him as he raised his eyebrows and nodded towards her bag. She looked at him again and his smile grew bigger. She turned and reached down into her bag and looked for what he said was there. It was. She pulled it out and looked at him knowing that she had left it on the rock and having no idea how it got there. But then again she had no idea how she had got where she was and should have been ready for the unexpected by now she thought. She opened the book and drifted her gaze over the pages to find what he wanted read to him.

As she searched, River got up and stretched his limbs upwards, stretching towards the sky, before disappearing, running around the other side of the rock, out of sight. Sarah heard him run off and followed the sound, slightly anxious now, her defences rising. He re-appeared on top of the rock and moved towards the edge of it, dangerously close.

Sarah saw him for the first time since he had run off and instantly panicked. She got up quickly, yelling as she did “River, please be careful keep back from the edge”.

River laughed at her anxiety, long and loud, “Sarah don’t worry nothing can hurt me here. I don’t have fear, I don’t have experience to hold me back from what is natural. Look I will sit down whilst you read it to me just to keep you happy”, which he did as he finished speaking.

Sarah felt her heart relax inside her chest, her normal breathing return, “Thank You, thank you I appreciate it.”

“Hurry up then, what you waiting for Christmas”, he said still laughing.

She continued to look through the pages until she found what River wanted. The pages where the poem was written were the only ones in the whole book which had nothing else written on them except for the name River at the top of the page. It was written out clearly, neatly and fitted onto the whole of one page.

“Gonna read it then, are you”, his voice bringing her back from her thoughts, “ Can’t sit here all day just to ease your fears Sarah “ , adding jokingly as he looked down.

“Ok wait a second let me get comfortable”, she said settling herself on the grass next to the rock where he sat.

She took a deep breath and tried to calm her heart , before starting.

“Across a cloudless sky, life was- smiling, a deep resonance of sheer simplicity. And as it walked it found Innocence”.

She looked up to see River staring out across the water , seemingly lost somewhere in the distance.

“And…”

“Then it’s your bit, the words you remember”.

“Ok…after that then what?”

“Across a cloudless sky”, she started, “Beauty was infinite, around and within, it simply ‘was’ - And all together, they found…..love”.

River sat still, continuing to stare out across the water and into the far horizon, “Anymore”.

She looked back down and started up again, “Across a cloudless sky, love was there, It had found Life, Innocence – Entwined with beauty inside. Inside a cloudless sky”, she finished and read the words Tony had written in small print at the bottom to herself only “For River , who lights my smiles” , before looking back up towards River and where he sat.

River was no longer looking out across the top of the water but rather straight into the water at the bottom of the rock, at the exact spot that she saw Tony staring into. River spoke, more so whispered really, “You forgot to read what he wrote at the bottom….for River who lights my smiles” , he looked down at her before adding , “Why did you leave that out?”

Sarah lowered her head, embarrassed slightly, “Sorry, I don’t know really.”

River forgave her in an instant, “Sarah don’t worry I know it was there because he read that bit to me also at the time. Do you really think I would not remember that bit – it was the best part, then and now”.

“I bet it was” Sarah replied trying to avoid eye contact for the fear of displaying her own sadness and as a mark of respect for the depth of feelings that obviously existed between Tony and River.

“Sarah, thank you”, he said, slowly getting up and looking over towards where she sat, her head bowed trying to avoid his eyes.

“I think I need to go to him now”.

River jumped straight into the water, feet first, exactly in the spot where Tony had jumped.

For a moment Sarah was stunned, thrown off guard completely by what had just happened, out of nowhere. Then she was up, without a second thought, she threw herself into the waters, feeling its icy touch invade her every sinew. She dived under, she thrashed, twisting and searching, desperation in every movement. She dived deeper each time, but to no avail, she could not find him. She returned to the surface to catch a breath, she was crying, tears adding to the waters flow. She searched, she dived, and she found herself sobbing each time she returned to the surface for air, tiredness eating into her until she could hardly keep herself afloat, let alone look for him. Eventually the tiredness claimed her and she fell sobbing onto the bank, her hair matted to her head. She looked up and found her eyes drawn to the ball that River had with him when she first saw him. It sat still, unmoving , un-played with.

Sarah’s emotions consumed her. She wept. She screamed out. She sobbed.

The water was still and silent , River had gone.

It started to rain.

With the rain came the wind. A wind that tore leaves from the trees and stirred the waters of the recently quiet streams to as frenzy. The waters rose and threatened to burst out, across onto the grass and flood the area where Sarah lay. She couldn’t move the only sign she was still breathing was the movement of her back as her sobs continued in severity.

She lay in the same position, face down, for what seemed a lifetime. That thought went through her mind; I need to lay her for the length of River’s lifetime. All that did was increase her sobs even more as the wind tore across her back and the rain left her hair matted to her head. I will lay here and not move until the length of River’s lifetime has gone and then I will just lie here for that time again. She had never known grief, despair and loss on such a scale. Even the pain of losing her Father who she was so close to could not come close to what she was feeling inside.

It was like someone had got the biggest stone, or boulder, they could find and forced it down her throat and it lay now in the middle of her stomach whilst someone trampled across her heart. If there were a God why would they let this happen to this little boy? What did River mean by him needing to go now and get him? He couldn’t save him from death or where he had gone, could he? The fear that River didn’t have would not save him there. Tony had made a decision and the ripples of it now had caused River to jump in after him and now he was gone too. From the depths of somewhere, she knew not where, something told Sarah to drag herself up and get under shelter and away from the elements that continued to throw themselves at her and the whole of the world itself.

She slowly moved to rest on her knees and then slower still moved from that position to one where she put her weight on her feet and eventually stood upright.

From amidst the wind and the rain, a voice came “You can get through…”

Sarah didn’t even think before answering, shouting back, “Don’t even think about it, don’t even try and speak.”

The voice tried to speak in between her words but she carried on, “I do not want to hear another single thing that you say, ever”, looking up turning round and shouting as she did, “Go away and stay away from me, forever”.

She snatched her bag up from the grass and threw her jumper across her shoulders and ran. She ran for cover, she ran away from the place where all things had changed, she ran to where she knew she would find somewhere she could escape, at least from the wind and rain.

She ran to the alcove.

As she came to the alcove and where it sat in the rock face she saw that it had changed. It had become bigger allowing more shelter away from the weather which continued to fall in its lament for River. Now, above it and across the front there existed a network of branches covered by large leaves which allowed the area underneath to remain dry. It was on the floor where the biggest change had occurred. On this there lay a bed of what looked like fresh dry straw, fluffy and appealing on the eye, and comforting enough for anyone’s feelings of grief. A blanket or two lay on top and Sarah quickly bent down to pull one of them up and put it around her wet and freezing shoulders. She shivered and moved to lay down throwing her bag and its occupants casually to the side under a nearby rock. She lay down on her side and looked out onto the scene which now lay outside.

The rain was coming down in torrents and the wind threw it at the trees, water and rocks of the nearby clearing. The waters of the nearby streams could easily be heard as they made their way across the valleys, chattering angrily as they went by. All the sounds clashed together like Sarah’s feelings as she lay there – all of them spat out grief, spoke of loss and mourned the going of the child – their child River.

Sarah’s tears continued to run slowly down her cheeks, her blouse soaked by the rain but more so by the tears. She reached for the other blanket and turned round to face the wall. She turned her back on the world and its grief and wept herself. She wanted no part of anything anymore and turned her back on time and its healing. Her thoughts turned to River, her mind turned to his eyes, his face, his laugh and sleep came and found her , whispering soft words of comfort to cover up her grief and despair.

CHAPTER THREE

My soul cries out for her………..

As soon as Sarah succumbed to sleep bought on by the tiredness of grief, the rain stopped, the wind relented and night came to the Clearing. It was a night lit up by the lights of a million stars, each one sparkling in a fight against the others to be the brightest. The moon was out watching their personal fights, full and bright, a spotlight on the greatest stage of all – the summer night’s sky. The clearing was peaceful and still, illuminated by the lights from above, resting from the tragic events it had been a witness to , the loss of two departed souls, one of them a child.

A nightingale sat within one of the trees and shattered the stillness, its song rising and falling across the air for all to hear. With it came to hands of time, trying to step in and heal the wounds laid out before it. But it had misjudged the moment, it was far too soon, and it quickly vanished. It left feelings behind to twist and form in the night air, coming to rest softly on the blanket around Sarah’s slender frame.

On the rock itself, something moved and shifted slightly, a shadow or a figure, not easily identified at first glance. It was a figure of a woman. She sat, her head resting on one knee whilst the other leg lay at right angles underneath her. Her hair hardily recognisable in the night, due to its colour hung in ringlets down to her waist. Her hair was the colour of coal, from the deepest seams of the earth. Her head was bowed and from any distance it was not easy to see if she was either sleeping or simply resting. What could be seen though was her stillness, the way she sat and waited, for what or whom no one knew. Her hair reflected the light of the moon as she sat, sending small silver diamonds out onto the rocks surface.

She lifted her head and looked straight over towards the sleeping form of Sarah and whispers of healing escaped her lips, “Sleep and be comforted, rest and be refreshed and let your dreams hold your grief, my sweet child of grace”.

Her words finished she lowered her chin back onto her bended knee and bowed her head.

The woman was not seen by a figure that choose at that moment to make his way into the clearing. A lithe and athletic figure he moved gracefully and softly through the grass, hardily treading on the softness beneath his feet. His features were distinguished, handsome, and rugged and on his head light brown hair fell down to his shoulders. He wore clothes which fitted loosely around his frame and he moved easily in them as he entered the clearing. He looked up briefly, as if to check his way, and made his way over to the shallow waters of the stream, bending down on his haunches to scoop up the cold waters into his mouth two or three times to quench his thirst. He remained in this position as he turned his head to take in the surroundings and his eyes strayed towards the rock and caught sight of the figure silhouetted against the night sky, instantly alerted , rising to his full height, ready to attack.

The voice, soft and calm, eased his fears as it spoke.

“I don’t think there’s any need to be scared of me, is there?” she whispered throwing soft thoughts out into the air , across his mind.

He paused before he spoke, unusually apprehensive, “Just cautious, and not scared”.

She laughed, slowly lifting her head, “I thought you would be here sooner. I’ve been waiting a while”.

He paused again, his expected arrival confusing, “You have been here waiting for me?”

Her eyes followed him for a while before she spoke , “For longer than you think, maybe even a lifetime” , her head dropping back onto her knee this time on her side, so she could still look at him from a different angle, before adding “Your lifetime of course”.

He was totally lost and confused now, “Sorry I don’t understand. How you knew I would be coming at all. Even I didn’t know that. I got lost”, walking over to the rock where she sat as he finished speaking.

She sighed, a sound that he followed as it left her mouth, “Lost, found, knowing or not knowing where you are going….what’s the difference. You’re here and I’m here, alone together in the dark. No one around”, looking away quickly then straight back at him, “The possibilities are endless”.

If he was cautious before ne now found himself as nervous as a dear caught in the open as wolves closed in, shifting from one foot to another and trying to look away. He couldn’t move though from the spot, there was something in her voice, her eyes, and her sheer presence……just her. She was hypnotic and he was caught in her gaze. His senses reeled and smashed, crashing against each other, until they fell in a heap at her feet.

She laughed, more music to his ears, before she spoke again, “Don’t worry I’m just teasing “, her laughter continuing for a while until she added, “Although possibilities are endless, don’t you think?”.

He looked at his feet, shifting once more, “I was just looking for somewhere to sleep”, ignoring her laughter and teasing at his expense.

She ran her fingers through her hair, playing with each strand, “Here in this place, alone with me, and you want to sleep”, her eyes closing and then opening, wider now.

“I’m just tired and need to rest, it’s been a long day. I just want to lie down and sleep”, he replied trying to sound convincing.

She looked straight into his eyes and spoke, “You want to sleep …..So you can dream”, throwing the words out between them, a hint of a question at the end once again.

If she didn’t before, she had his attention now, and they both knew it. His voice betrayed him as he stuttered a response, “Yes…to……dream”.

“What is your name” she asked, her voice soft and inviting.

“Ty, my name is Ty”.

“Tell me what you dream Ty.”

He looked at her and dissolved, giving in. He needed to be on the ground suddenly, he glanced around and found the same area of grass that Sarah had and moved across to sit cross-legged, looking up at her.

She asked him again, in a voice that was barely audible, “Tell me what you dream Ty.”

He sighed and spoke, “I dream of a girl every night, the same girl – she is stunning in every way. Her looks, the way she moves, speaks, smells. Every night she holds me, she talks to me. Her smell is like…like….nothing else”, he stopped briefly as if remembering it and then added, “She is in here (tapping his head), and in here (holding his heart tightly). My soul cries out. ”.

“Your soul cries out- for what?”

“Her. It cries out for her”, Ty added.

“Ahh, she has you then”, sighing as she spoke, “Are you lost in her?”

He replied instantly, “I’ve never thought of it like that. I’d be lost if I didn’t dream of her”, pausing before adding “What I want is for her to be lost in me.”

She watched him closely, his eyes betraying a trace of pain, “Sounds, and looks, like you do. Maybe you can get lost together…..and find each other”.

“I have found her but…….” he stopped, as if his mouth had finally caught up with his thoughts, and didn’t finish the sentence.

She looked across at him, concerned for a moment “But what?”

Ty continued to look down and spoke, “I don’t know what she looks like”.

She was on her feet quickly, rising gracefully from her seated position, across the rock and jumped swiftly down, without making a sound. She crossed the space between them to where he was sitting, lost in his own world, his sadness, the loss, and his dreams. He was so lost he was totally unaware to where she was now, next to him.

She spoke, her breath so close to him now, “You see her every night in your dreams, you want her, are lost without her but…………..you can’t remember what she looks like. That’s not good?”

Her voice bought him back and he became aware that she was now sitting with him on the grass. He could smell her hair, see the moonlight bouncing off her skin, it was mesmerising, “It’s not good. Every night I pray before I lay my head down and sleep. I ask to remember her before I drift off to her. I dream….. I wake up…………..and she is gone. The image, the smell is gone as she has gone too”.

She looked at him and put her hand out slowly, resting it on his forearm, “That sounds so painful and so sad”.

He let her touch his arm and felt the softness and warmth on his skin and for a moment he felt something he knew, “It is painful, it feels like the worst pain. I want to remember so that I can think of her during the day and hold onto through every waking hour also”.

She smiled, feeling his emotion, “Hold onto her in the day, like living the dream”, she added casually.

He was confused again by her, “But I’d be awake so it’s not a dream; you can’t dream while you’re awake”.

She moved her hand and bought it up to his chin, lifting his head slightly to look into his eyes, “You can’t dream while you’re awake. Now that is painful”.

He looked into her eyes, so close for the first time. They were almond in shape and matched the colour of her hair, deepest black. But despite their colour they were not dark, they were soft, warm, inviting, shining and full of light, most of all they were full of peace.

“I remember her name though, I can remember that”, he said after a time.

She smiled directly at him and he melted. His sadness and loss dropping away like the setting sun, “That’s a start then, a name for her face, for her. I am intrigued now, what is her name”.

One word escaped his lips, “Princess”.

She dropped an eyebrow and looked at him quizzically, “Princess. Is she really that?”

“Really what”.

“A princess”, she replied holding his gaze.

Ty felt suddenly misunderstood, as if he was a cause of humour for her and he wanted to be somewhere else, “No that’s my name for her”, his voice rising in tone slightly.

She refused to move her eyes, “Princess is a title. It’s not really a name”.

Ty moved and started to rise up from his seated position, angry, “It’s a name; it’s her name and I gave it to her” He was standing now, above her almost daring her to taunt him more or say something else.

She stayed seated but lifted her head in reply, “Can you really give someone anything they don’t ask for, even a name”.

Ty looked down and then around. He was lost, no idea where he was and where he was going. Here in the open, in the dark of night who was this girl? The tiredness he had felt when he entered the Clearing seemed to rise up and draw its cloak around him. It consumed and moved him forcing him to sit down as his eyes nodded encouragement to do it. He needed sleep, craved sleep and he wanted to find to go to her , he wanted his dreams.

She had seen how he had reacted and wondered momentarily if she gone too far. Her honesty was her gift to all but at times its use had been problematic in the past. She bought herself back to him as he did move away from her but simply to find a place comfortable to lie down. The air was warm and relaxing and the breeze cooling as he lay his head down, his hands slightly under it, offering some support.

She knew it was time to go and softly moved over to kiss him gently on his sun-bleached hair and then got up to move away. She started to move slowly towards the forest and the trees that signalled its beginning, some way back from the Clearing itself.

Her kiss and her presence so close, woke him from his drifting, “Thank you”.

She heard him but continued to walk away without thinking of replying or turning to go back.

“What is your name”, he added before she disappeared from both sight and sound.

She half stopped and looked slowly up towards the night and the cloudless sky, the stars spread out like diamonds across a purple canvas.

“My name”, pausing and continuing to look upwards towards the sky, “Is Princess”.

He heard the words, he heard her name, but tiredness would not allow him to lift his head, although his eyes opened wider from beneath their sleepy lids.

“Princess”, gasping for words and breath now, “And what do you dream of?”

She stopped, turned and smiled, the softness and lightness of her nature raising his hopes. She held out one hand and offered it out towards him.

She laughed before speaking, “I dream of you of course”.

She turned and began to walk away as she finished speaking, her laughter left behind, her hand moving back towards her side as she disappeared from view.

His tiredness overcame him and he drifted off to sleep. He left to walk with the Princess in his dreams as she left to walk towards him in hers.