He sinks down into his seat, sighing in relief at being off his feet. “Hey, Captain.”

Donny frowns at him from the doctor’s desk, arms crossed tightly over his chest. Donny Aster shouldn’t be an imposing person, he’s too lanky and living permanently on board a small ship like the Crystalline would give anyone a slightly disheveled appearance. Added to the fact that Donny has obviously been running his fingers through his hair, making the short black strands stick up in all directions, Oz should be able to shrug off any annoyed looks. Except Captain Donald Aster has a way of inflecting every word and every gesture with the sense that you’re a waste of space.

“You were stupid,” Donny says. Oz knows it’s not personal, he’s been at the receiving end of Donny’s captainly authority countless times, but it’s still harsh. It’s not as if Oz’s position on the ship is a secret, he was assigned to the Crystalline to be the man to get into the fights that the others on the crew can’t. He has been bred for this.

Oz rolls his eyes. “I’m fine,” he says by habit and overall it’s true according to his own standards. Donny’s lips flatten into a thin line, clearly unimpressed. They could both easily drag this out, too stubborn and determined they’re in the right. Oz doesn’t want that though, he wants to be on good terms with him and sometimes the best way to do that is let him win. Even if it makes his skin itch. “OK fine, I was stupid.”

“Good, thank you.” Donny gives a sharp nod but his shoulders ease. They’ve become close enough that Oz knows that’s a lot from Donny. “Oz. Fuck.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. It hadn’t been so bad to deserve this kind of reaction in Oz’s opinion but then again it wasn’t supposed to be bad at all.

“Sorry.” He rubs at his face, wondering if he can just go to sleep. Maybe if he pouts enough Donny will let him just go to bed and skip the medical. A glance at Donny’s face gives the impression that won’t be allowed. “Nothing went wrong though. Not really.”

“Oz. You’re a wreck, Sasha is asleep, Carli glared at me when I asked for a debriefing.”

“Still. Technically.”

Donny rolls his eyes but the doctor comes in right then so he cuts off whatever retort he had. Oz is sure he’ll hear it later.

Doctor Samantha Kirs frowns a lot, or perhaps it’s just Oz. He knows she smiles, he sees it plenty but she has a doctor mode that Oz sees more often than anybody. She knows better than anyone what the real toll of what he does is and she knows just as much that there’s nothing to do but keep him patched up. If he’s not out there taking the blows, she’ll be seeing much more of everyone else. It’s a price he’s willing to pay.

Kirs makes him lie down on one of the beds, frown already firmly in place as she starts her tests. The scanner fits neatly over his chest and even though his head and arms are free, he always feels constricted and trapped. Oz stares intently at the ceiling, trying to will the feeling away just to get through his latest round of exams when Donny grabs his hand.

“You’re such an idiot,” Donny grumbles as entwines their fingers. He’s trying to hide his concern but Oz sees it. Their captain might be a bred leader with muted emotions but he still feels things. Oz is sure if he said anything, Donny would get defensive so he pretends he doesn’t see the slight furrow in his brow no matter how badly he wants to smooth it away.

“I have the best captain,” he murmurs, pulling over their hands to kiss the back of Donny’s. It feels like the right way to tell Donny he sees what he’s feeling and it’s ok. Donny can choose to miss the unsaid meaning if he wants and they’ll go on the same.

Kirs laughs softly. “He certainly spoils you.”

“Samantha-”

“Sh,” she waves off Donny’s immediately apology. “I’ve seen you down here holding everyone’s hand at some point. You spoil the entire damn crew.”

Oz presses another kiss to Donny’s knuckles. “Best captain.”

The scanner pops open again and Oz lets out a sigh of relief. “You’re bruised,” Kirs states, which isn’t much of a revelation so Oz stares up at her and waits. “Badly. And you’ve fractured two ribs.”

Donny’s lips are pursed again but Oz pushes himself up into a seated position. It does hurt but pain goes away.  “That it?”

“Yes, Ido, that’s it.” Kirs says distractedly, still turning that image around on her screen over and over. “You can’t keep doing this and you know it.”

“So I let them heal naturally instead of with an EHN injection. We all know I can keep doing this and I will.” He shrugs, not really understanding the concern. Using too much of enhanced healers could cause problems, interfere with bodily functions, create an overproduction of some chemical but getting injured happened. He’s not going to stop. He can’t stop, it’s what he’s here for.

If he’s not fighting for his crew, he has no purpose.

“Captain.” Kirs looks to Donny. Oz resists interjecting that the Captain has no say here, Donny needs to feel in control right now and Oz can give him that. He’ll fight him on it later.

“Just wrap him up.” He’s still holding Oz’s hand. “We’ll fit in some shore leave soon, think the whole crew could use it.” He looks down at him and in an uncharacteristic gesture, brushes some of Oz’s hair off his forehead. He doesn’t seem to be quite looking at him. “Get some rest Oz.”

-

Oz stands in front of the mirror, running a critical eye over his reflection. He looks younger than his age, with messy, curly hair and light olive skin. It shows off his bruises annoyingly well. Most of his wardrobe is styled to make him appear more slender than he is but without anything on, his shoulders are broad and his entire body well muscled. Not well enough to avoid a bad beating occasionally. He’s only one man, though sometimes he forgets his limits.

He pokes at one bruise down by his hip. It hurts but he’s felt worse. His entire life has been fighting. Watching bruises blossom over his skin though has always been strangely fascinating. He remembers the first time he was really aware of it when he was six and got into his first scrap at the Academy. Afterwards he stood in the shower room, poking at his swollen cheek until it was time for curfew.

“What are you doing?” Donny mumbles from bed. He’s stretched on his stomach, arms folded under his head. He knows exactly what Oz is doing, he’s sat around and done this enough over the years.

Oz loves him like this, when they’ve been out of dock for a few weeks and Donny has let his hair grow out long enough it gets into his eyes and sticks up in all directions when he wakes up. The moments when his desperate for control can be put on pause and the captain is just Donny. Oz knows Donny can never stop being their leader, just like Oz can’t decide to not fight but sometimes things relax and ease up. It’s when he feels the most sure that even if Donny doesn’t really feel things the same way, he loves Oz just as much as Oz loves him.

He pulls up a cocky smile, half turning to look back at Donny. He knows how good he looks, well muscled and comfortable in his skin. The bruises only had to his appeal in his own opinion. Donny lavished enough attention on them, Oz suspects he feels the same. “Sorry, just seeing how bad I look.” He makes his way back to bed, letting Donny pull him down under the covers.

“Always look good to me.”

Something in his tone is uncharacteristically soft and Oz can’t think up a witty retort. He was raised to look out for those he had to protect. Those he loved. He was never supposed to end up in a relationship with someone he was assigned to, and it hits him now how his job is hurting someone he loves.

Captain Donald Aster isn’t very touchy feely, everything he does usually has purpose. He holds the crew’s hands during medical exams to keep them calm. Sex relieves tension, he says what he means unless lying better serves his goals. He’s not ruthless or cruel, he just has a different sense what he needs to get done and what’s okay to accomplish his goals. So the soft kiss to the juncture of Oz’s shoulder and neck catches him off guard.

“Kirs is right.”

Oz groans, there’s the reason for the kiss. Donny wants him off guard. “About what? I get hurt a lot?”

“Too much.”

“Capta-”

“We agreed,” he snaps, suddenly looking up to glare at Oz. “Not in bed. I’m not here as your captain.”

“If you don’t want to be called captain in bed, then don’t act like the damn captain while in bed,” Ido grumbles, finally sick of this stand off.

Donny’s shoulders slump. “Sorry.”

Oz sighs and cups his face, making Donny look at him. This is why he loves him, when he lets his guard down and lets Oz manhandle him how he wants. It will likely never be said out loud, but Donny needs someone to occasionally take over and Oz is strong enough to carry them both sometimes. “Donny. You know I can do this. You know it will be okay. You put me anywhere else, you need someone like me and you know some fresh kid can’t handle this.” He keeps his voice calm and steady as much as he wants to shake him and yell in his face.

“You’d be miserable doing anything else,” Donny says. Oz shrugs, he hadn’t wanted to say so but it’s true. When they go too long without a fight he starts trying to pick them.

Oz smiles and pulls him down to kiss the tip of his nose. “You know me so well.”

Donny shakes his head and kisses him on the mouth. They can’t do anything because of Oz’s ribs and Donny isn’t about to forget that, but the kiss eases any tension left between them. Oz always feels calmest like this, knowing Donny trusts him. He wants to be good for him, wants to prove he’s worthy of that.

Oz bites his lip and looks up at him. He loves Donny, as much as he knows how to, but he knows Donny doesn’t know the feeling at all. He doesn’t really understand how much Oz is willing to give him. “I’ll reduce the injections.”

It’s not a reasonable promise and they both know it. If he needs to be ready in two days for another mission, he has to take the injections. Ido Ostberg was raised -  bred - to be a fighter, he’s faster than most people, stronger than his size dictates, and naturally heals faster. All to be the fists for a small specialized crew like theirs. That’s why he exists. Just like Donald Aster was bred to be a leader. They both know their roles. As much as they are allowed to blur the lines, they’re all still individuals despite their genetic makeups, they still have their duties.

Donny cannot protect Oz forever, and Oz would hate him for trying. So they’re stuck at an impasse.

Donny sighs and kisses him. “Just right now Oz, all I’m asking.”

“Just for you.” And he means it. He wouldn’t agree to limiting EHN recovery injunctions for anyone else.