A long time ago, Shakespeare may or may not have written a play called Pericles, Prince of Tyre. This play may or may not have inspired a contemporary (to Shakespeare, that is) novel entitled The Painful Adventures of Pericles, Prince of Tyre. But both iterations failed utterly to depict hunger-crazed space cannibals, gargantuan yet invisible cosmos-roaming dark matter-eating creatures, or even a spaceship powered by fifth dimensional (potential) energy. It’s high time to rectify these regrettable omissions.