Nov 16, 2017

At ease, Faoii. This isn’t really an update. Instead, I’m sending out a reminder to all of you other hopeful authors out there who are working for a dream but constantly feeling like you’re just spinning your wheels.

I get it. It’s not easy. It’s exhausting and soul-crushing and painful. It feels like you’re giving everything you have and that you don’t even have dignity anymore after all the times you’ve begged and pleaded and prayed just to get this far. Then you get another rejection or one hurtful comment or the hundredth "seen" notification on your messenger feed that will just sit there without a response for the next six months (assuming that person doesn’t just straight-up unfriend you for being annoying) and you realize that maybe you did have some dignity left-- because it just got crushed a little more. I know you want to give up. I know how hard this is.

Don’t. Don’t give up, okay? Because some part of you still thinks that this is worth it-- that’s the part that keeps convincing you to send out one more DM, one more Tweet. That’s the part that keeps encouraging you to write one more sentence. Sometimes only a single word, but it tells you to keep going. And that’s the part that people are going to see and respond to. Don’t let it die.

If you follow my Facebook or my blog, you probably know that I’ve been feeling pretty burnt out lately. Blades, my last blog post might have been a full-on mental breakdown. And I kept asking myself the entire time "who can blame me for giving up here?" After battling armies on all sides during the crowdfunding phase of things, I thought this entire book thing would get easier. But then I fell short of the contest I was going for, my health failed terribly at the end of my campaign, and I didn’t have any idea how hard marketing would be. Trying to get people to review or even share posts about your book is an insane battle all on its own, and you start to doubt yourself. Maybe no one is sharing because I’m not a good enough friend. Maybe I really can’t write. Maybe this entire dream was stupid.  It’s mind numbing and heart-wrenching and terrible. 

And it’s wrong.

I’m sorry I forgot that, Faoii. I’m amazed that it took the help of others to remind me of what I’m fighting for. What we’re all fighting for. But today I got an amazing letter from a fellow Inkshares author that you should definitely follow. And I (for probably the millionth time) got more encouragement than I deserve from this Inkshares friend who has picked me up and dusted me off after every single fall thus far. (Make sure to follow him, too--of everyone I know, none are more deserving of happiness than he is). And between the two of them, I remembered something that I tried so hard to put into words when I was writing an entire book that it’s ridiculous that I might forget it myself. 

Keep going. 

Keep going. We forget sometimes that even our hardest moments can be beacons of light for others. Standing to face our demons can sometimes give someone else just enough courage to rise against theirs. Facing and overcoming challenges means proving to others that it CAN be done. And so, while we face our own challenges in hopes of overcoming them and forging ahead to our own future-- do not forget that by rising up, you may also be helping others to do the same. This book is greater than you, now, and has been since the first day you chose to put yourself out in front of the world and declare it worthy.

I know it’s hard, these demons you face on and off your book’s platform. But, whatever you’re going through--don’t be afraid to tell the world that it’s happening. Some might come to your aide (and hopefully many will), but if they don’t-- that might be because they just needed someone else to be strong for a while. You can be that person without ever knowing it.