I fell in love with who I thought was the love of my life in Bali. He was everything I had dreamed about, and everything I wished my husband would be.
Four hours after landing back home in Australia, I told my husband I didn’t think we were meant to be together. I moved out on my own for the first time at almost 30 years old. I thought I was supposed to have it all figured out by now, but I had to start over. I left behind a seven-year relationship and the ‘perfect’ life, so I could listen to my heart’s calling to find my own happiness.
Both men continued to knock on my heart’s door. I had to decide: Do I choose an uncertain future with a man I barely knew, yet who gave me butterflies with every look? Or do I go back to financial security and reliable companionship with a man who didn’t notice I was crying on my side of the bed at night?
A third option started to appear: ME. As solitary meals gave way to dancing alone in the kitchen, and empty weekends filled with yoga and meditations in the hammock, I could finally hear my inner voice. Slowly I peeled back layers of emotional scars, questioning how parental and societal conditioning had covered up my own truth. Against a backdrop of Balinese rice paddies and Australian beaches, I journeyed through the mountains and valleys of independence to discover that I had the power to create my own life.
When my marriage started to end, I couldn’t figure out why it was happening. It was like the magic carpet was pulled out from under us. Then I realized: it was happening so I could learn from it. Something I had never dared to dream about was waiting for me on the other side.
I started to journal as self-therapy. The blank page became my best friend. It was the only one I could tell my true thoughts to without judgment; writing was the only place I could truly be myself.
Oh how I wish there was someone I could call and cry to in the middle of those lonely nights! A best friend in the same time zone or a parent who would understand. But there was no one, only the silence of my own voice comforting my fears.
I have turned my journal entries into a book for all the women (and men) who have ever gone through heartbreak, so that you may know you are not alone.
Originally from Toronto, Canada, I have been living and travelling around the world since 2011. Every country brings a new discovery in self-love and my spiritual journey. This usually happens through a romantic adventure, of course.
This book is the first of four memoirs I have penned. At the moment I am by the beach in southern Europe, living my dream with my laptop and just a few suitcases.