“Mr. Adrian Alan Cross, you are hereby accused of crimes against humanity. If convicted, you face a mandatory sentence of life imprisonment... and a potential sentence of death.”
“Well, that sucks,” muttered Mr. Adrian Alan Cross from the defendant’s bench. Judge Galaway glared at him as if she could read his mind.
“Do you understand the charges presented against you?” she demanded.
“Yes, thank you for clarifying that, your Honor.” She continued to glare at him.
“Does the prosecution wish to make a statement?”
“Yes, your Honor,” announced the tall, reedy man from across the aisle. He extracted his legs from behind the bench and briskly strode across the courtroom floor, where he towered over the jury. “My name is Luther Anderson, and I have been tasked with the investigation of what has come to be know as simply ‘The Incident.’ I am sure you are all familiar with the horrors of which I speak.” His audience nodded gravely, as if they were attending a funeral. “No matter how the defense spins this case, the facts all point indisputably to one man! The origin of this catastrophe is Mr. Adrian Cross. His actions, however he attempts to justify them, have left a scar across the face of world history that will never heal. What gave him the responsibility to take the fate of the world into his hands? Nothing! He made a decision that would affect us all, with no input beside his own delusions. Thank you.”
“And the defense?” droned Judge Galaway.
Adrian scoffed at Luther’s rant before standing and smoothing the creases of his slacks. He wandered across the courtroom floor, arriving as though by accident in front of the jury.
“Members of the jury, I represent myself,” said Adrian Cross, hands in his pockets. “Why? Because there is no lawyer in the world who could possibly defend my actions. In fact, I’m sure there’s no human at all who could be up to the task. But this is because nobody knows my story. This is not a story I’m willing to share with some greasy lawyer who is already convinced that I single-handedly destroyed society as we know it, and thus deserve to rot in hell. You, the jury, and the other participants of this case, have the honor of hearing it first.” The frown abruptly returned to Galaway’s face.
“I might also mention that I was under no obligation to appear here today,” said Adrian. “Until last week, I was living comfortably in Southern India, where I could have easily remained for the better part of my life. Instead, I decided that I must explain myself. I am here of my own accord.” As he returned to his empty bench, he added, “That’s more than can be said for anyone else in this courtroom. Thank you.”
*****
“Okay, that is not what happened.”
[Oh really? You don’t remember going to court?]
“Well, those were the… general events. But why do you have to portray me as some kind of cocky asshole?”
[Well…]
“Oh, shut up. When I said I wanted to tell this story, I wanted to tell it accurately.”
[For your information, my recollection is far more ‘accurate’ than you could ever hope to match.]
“Sure, but unlike yourself, I am capable of resisting the urge to embellish details by turning this story into an action-adventure thriller, or in this case, some kind of legal courtroom drama.”
[Hey, it really was pretty dramatic. You, on the other hand, can’t tell a story to save your life.]
“It takes more than ‘recollection’ and ‘drama’ to tell a story, Caspian! It takes heart… and a brain.”
[Oh, I see how it is, meatsack. Just because I lack a skull stuffed with grey matter means that you can discount my thoughts and opinions? Humans are disgusting. But I, however, am perfectly structured, perfectly designed and perfectly clean, thank you.]
“Fine. I’ll tell the important parts of the story, and you can make up whatever soap opera-inspired fantasy you want for the parts in-between.”
[Oh, you’re on now, Adrian. You can go ahead and spin your little tale o’ misery and woe. I will single-handedly save this story, just like I saved your skin in those so-called ‘important parts.’]
“That’s debatable. But there needs to be rules. First of all, you can’t interrupt.”
[Sure.]
“And I get a chance to clarify whatever facts you butchered at the beginning of chapters.”
[Really? Fine, I’ll take stab or two, don’t you worry.]
“Also, what’s with the brackets?”
[I get the brackets. You get the quotes. Otherwise, this is gonna be a tangled, incomprehensible mess.]
“It’s already a tangled mess, because somebody insisted on beginning with the court case.”
[You start good books with a hook- that’s standard literature, Adrian.]
“Yeah, but they have to make sense, chronologically!”
[Not necessarily. But alright, you got me. Let’s start at the beginning. But where did all of this really begin...? Wait. I know- the crash!]
“God, I hate this part…”
[Well then, allow me. Now this is drama!]