So you’ve inadvertently trapped an ancient trans-dimensional god in your backyard shed; what do you do? That’s what Venus McKenzy and her friends would like to know.
Before the age of reason and science, magic ruled the world. Now, it’s coming back and if most of humanity gets wiped out in the process....well, sometimes you have to break a few eggs.
In a space-faring future, an alien war criminal seeks vengeance on humanity, and a celebrated-but-bumbling hero is forced back into action... whether he likes it or not.
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Please don’t buy my book. Because then I will quit my day job and think I’m an “author”. And since I work with my brother he will hate me. Then I will be poor because how much can I really make off of the 751 copies I sell. Especially those $10 e-book things. (BTW my mom keeps going to Target to buy my e-book. It’s embarrassing. While she was there I asked her to pick me up some cotton tee shirts and some hemorrhoid cream. She came back with Chapstick.) Speaking of hemorrhoid cream – My wife will leave me if you buy my book. She will say I’m a lazy bum without a real job who plays on his laptop all day and doesn’t make any money or bathe. Which is true. And sitting on my butt all day will increase the likelihood of even more hemorrhoids. Also, I don’t write comedy. I know right. … So don’t buy my book. There. It’s settled. Then again… If I am a single author who works from home and is around a lot playing on his computer I could score a trophy wife. Match dotcom does not ask about hemorrhoids right? So to sum up. Buy my paperback book. I will get a new brother, mom and wife. And dog and child because she will take them. I will sit on my butt all day with my trophy wife and enjoy my hemorrhoids. Life will be more gooderer than ever as a fancy-pants author. I will die broke and bitter. My kid will resent me. My wife will get royalties on 375.5 books. But I will be extremely famous posthumously. And my trophy wife will be rich. That’s the plan. Thank you. BTW - That super book reader stuff can make all the regular single book buyers feel really guilty. So, whatever you do, don’t do that.
Boring book info stuff below:
This book was inspired by my fascination with nature and evolution. The idea stemming from how nature can seem cruel and harsh and will kill you or make you and your species stronger. While all the species fight to survive it is ultimately the environment’s decision who thrives. And who dies.
The Bloodgeon means to this world’s residents "the blood of the planet". It is the primordial soup from which all life sprung and it, like many living things on this world, has evolved.
This is the first of three books. Though The Bloodgeon is a complete story.
The Bloodgeon is set on a diverse biological world where the primordial soup and many animal species have evolved; the book also explores procreation, addiction, racism and ultimately the meaning of life itself.
Wow I hope the book doesn’t go on and on like this.