Stain

 “This dip’s consistency alarms me” I say, frowning heavily at a pot of green gloop which sits ominously on a glass table in west London. Sky and I are sitting across from Matthew and his on again off again girlfriend, Jess, at Matthews’s new place on the riverside in Fulham. The apartment, to be honest, is pretty ridiculous; I mean, it’s way too big for just two people, it’s nearly paradisiacal and it’s nice if you like that kind of thing but I don’t and I would never live somewhere like this and I convince myself of this because the truth is something different and I know deep down that I really want to have an apartment just like it. He bought the apartment after his widowed mother passed away which caused Matthew to inherit a very large chunk of money. Matthew’s parents were very rich, perhaps even richer than mine, which if you ask me has nothing to do with anything but he I’m sure would beg to differ. It has two floors, a master bedroom and two guest rooms, neither of which look any smaller than the main. It has an annoyingly sleek and modern kitchen and perhaps the nicest bathroom I have ever seen and I don’t tell Matthew any of this of course, despite his constant call for my gratification. I just answer with comments like, “This is all fab”, “Great stuff” and “You’ve done alright, friendo” giving him enough to be content with his purchase but not enough to inflate his already expanding ego. I would really hate to have to pop it. So anyway, we are sitting in his living room, dressed up for no obvious reason, chatting, snacking and lounging while we wait for the caterer Matthew hired to serve us dinner. Oh and there is a stain, a black smudge on my shirt, which has been bugging me since I noticed it on the ride over here. In fact, it’s such a prominent issue that I can barely stand it. I mean what kind of human being walks around with a dark stain on their person? Where did it come from? And more importantly what does it say about me? I have racked my brain over this question but have found no satisfying answers. I turn to Sky, “This stain is really bothering me, its bad right?” I say in a hushed voice.

“Sebastian, I can’t even see anything, you’re worrying over nothing” she tells me, getting a little annoyed.

“Seriously? You can’t see this?” I question, showing her the mark.

“No, you’re good, trust me” she pleads.

“You okay? You need anything?” Matthew asks, trying his best to be a good host but somehow always managing to come off as condescending.

“Nope, not at all, I’m good... thank you” I ensure Matthew, grabbing Sky’s hand while avoiding Jess’s gaze who has been eyeing me up all night, watching me seductively. The little slut.

“We’re great, thank you, Matthew. Thanks for having us” Sky says, her pleasant demeanour calming me. I’ve only just started openly telling people that I’m dating and then constantly stressing that it’s not Laura, making sure that they know this. This is the first time Sky and I have been out with people that I know and she, adorably, was quite nervous, wanting to make a good impression with my friends. I told her not to worry, assuring her that these people weren’t important to me and I could quite happily never speak to them again. We discussed what to say about Sky’s profession and decided to go with the: ‘she’s a waitress’, party line. She felt it would be too awkward and didn’t want to have to talk about it the whole night, which is understandable. I made sure to tell her on more than one occasion that I was fine with it and would be happy to tell the truth if that’s what she wanted and we ended up agreeing one hundred percent that if a person was worth telling we would tell them. Matthew and Jess are for sure, not worth telling. Jess uncrosses her legs and then re-crosses them again, using her short dress and alluring thighs in attempt to entice me. It won’t work, however. Why would I want anything that isn’t the person sitting right next to me? Jess is a temperamental, untrustworthy, devious bitch. A hot bitch but a bitch all the same. This, not so long ago wouldn’t have been an issue but my indifference towards her is a good sign of my growth. Sky on the other hand is a kind, charming, intelligent, beautiful woman and wins in any category one could possibly pose to compare them. Their parity is so nonexistent that it’s like they’re not even playing the same sport. Jess, however, obviously doesn’t see or understand any of this and keeps throwing me the hungry eyes. Matthew is of course oblivious.

I realise there has been a significant lull in the conversation, “Guys, did anyone hear about that zombie in America?” I ask the group.

“Zombie?” Jess inquires, confused.

“What are you talking about?” Matthew chuckles.

“I’m talking about some guy who was shot and killed cus he was eating some dude in the middle of the street” I explain, searching their faces for a reaction.

“Eating him?” Matthew asks, looking unsure.  

“Yes” I confirm forcefully. “He was biting his fucking face!” I grin.

“Wow” Matthew says.

“That’s crazy” Jess offers uselessly.

“I know right? Total zombie” I put out there. “It was bound to happen sooner or later” I then suggest. Sky has remained quiet throughout all this. I notice her smirking quietly next to me, refraining from laughing.

“So...” Matthew starts, “You working on anything at the moment?”

“Not much, this and that, you know how it is” I drone, not wanting to talk about work.

“Yeah man, I get ya. I’m taking a little break myself. Just chilling, letting things happen” He tells me.

“What does that mean? Letting things happen?” I say, not letting him get away with nonsense.

“Ah you know... I just don’t need to be acting right now” He shrugs. “It’s like I always say, life’s a performance, don’t need to be paid to do it”.

“You’ve never said that before” I inform him emphatically. Pissed off at the utter rubbish he feels he is able to spout without question. “What on earth are you talking about?” I press. Sky nudges me softly, suggesting that I tone it down a little.

“So... you hungry?” Matthew asks, ignoring my question. “It should be great, the caterer comes highly recommended”.

“We can’t wait” Sky chimes, before I get a chance to say something that might be considered rude. I can actually sense a little discomfort in her voice, behind all the pleasantries and who could blame her, this is pretty awful and later I intend on apologising for bringing her here, even though she’s the one who insisted on coming but she doesn’t know Matthew or people like him so it’s not her fault.

“Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have normal jobs or whatever?” Matthew says to everyone but with the intention of only getting a response from me.

“What do you mean normal?” I ask, weary of the direction this conversation might go and finding myself feeling apprehensive about the possibility that Sky might get offended by something Matthew might say and if that happened, which it might, I might have to push him off the balcony and then do something about Jess because obviously she wouldn’t be allowed to leave after seeing what she would of seen.

“Like, if we just gave up on the world of acting and films and TV and just got regular jobs that people sometimes get and I don’t know, joined the rat race or something” Matthew babbles, forming something that might resemble a response to something someone may have said.

“Don’t ever use that phrase again” I murmur.

“What phrase?” He asks.

“Rat race, I hate it, it makes me mad, it’s a stupid phrase that probably meant something once but doesn’t anymore”.

“That’s a little dramatic” He says.

“I’m an actor, Matthew, everything I do is dramatic” I say monotonously. I realise I am getting dragged into something with Matthew that I don’t really want to get dragged into and that it will probably continue all night because he is really getting on my nerves and right now I don’t have the ability to be the better person even though I want to try, especially because Sky is here and also because I want to continue to grow and develop but tonight it might be impossible. I also realise that my thoughts are going faster than I can process right now, mostly because I just want to go home and order takeout which I won’t eat but Sky will and then get into bed and watch a movie that will most likely start off really well but will then get convoluted in the second half and send us to sleep with the TV still on but it won’t matter because we’ll be together and we won’t be here, right now, on Matthews sofa, talking about nothing, in a really stupid apartment, high up in Fulham.

I get up to go to the bathroom, excusing myself to Sky and saying to Matthew, “Just gonna use the bathroom” pointing up stairs.

“Downstairs bathroom is down the hall, bro” he says smugly, the bastards making sure I know that he has two. I stride off out of the living room, passing the kitchen where I hear the sounds of dinner being prepared, past a laundry room and then a closet and then a room that has no discernible use, it’s pretty much a blank space. At the end of the corridor I find the bathroom and slip inside. It’s nowhere near as grand as the upstairs one but it’s nice none the less. It’s marble, marble and more marble however just a little more conservative than the other. Before I can turn around and lock the door, Jess enters behind me. She pushes the door closed behind her and somehow manages to lock it in a way that might be considered sensual. She stares me down, her cleavage somehow more apparent than it was before, “What are you...?” I start before she backs me up against the sink, pressing up against me.

“I’ve seen you looking at me” she says with a hushed voice.

“Uh no, I think that was you” I tell her, summoning my strength.

She giggles, “Maybe... but you’ve been doing it to. I know you want me” she declares, running her hand down my abs and onto my thigh.

“You need to stop” I warn, remaining firm. “This isn’t what I want” my voice cracking.

“You don’t sound so sure” she says while loosening my belt and sliding her hand down my trousers, grabbing my package. “Don’t tell me you don’t want this” she says, her eyes fixed on mine, biting her bottom lip while rubbing me with her hand.

The rest of the night is super awkward. We have dinner and it’s good but not great. Sky clings to me the whole time and I don’t blame her. The conversation is lame and repetitive and nothing of substance is explored, no new pieces of the puzzle were found tonight. I avoid eye contact with Jess at all costs but I can tell she is there, waiting for me to turn her way but there was no way I was gonna let that happen. The night winds down and it couldn’t happen quicker, we say our goodbyes and hop into a taxi that Matthew’s concierge calls for us. We ride through the city back towards my place, I’m holding on to Sky’s arm, gripping it firmly, making sure she doesn’t disappear, “You don’t have to work tonight do you?” I ask.

“No, not tonight” she says, staring out of the window.

“Cool” is the response I select. I too turn my head and gaze out from the car, watching as the city slowly moves by and I try not to think about the stain on my shirt that has now gotten darker. We pass a crime scene, police lights flash brightly and police men surround what looks like a body. A small crowd has formed around the area and some of them are crying. As we crawl past, one of the officers waves us through the area and he has blood on his face and he looks pretty upset about it. I wonder what might have happened here and if it could have been stopped. As we drive away I remember hearing on twitter, from a reliable source, that some kid, who is seventeen and from Dagestan in Russia, was so deluded that he didn’t think he was human anymore and actually thought he was a wolf and went on a rampage, killing a whole bunch of people, who were most likely innocents, leaving their body parts and gore and blood and a whole lot of viscera throughout the snowy fields on the outskirts of his small Russian town and that it was probably because he had a bad childhood and that his father left his mother when he was very young which caused everything to go to hell and he was never able to recover and the source on twitter never mentioned what happened to the boy.