I apologize if there's a more direct reply function, but I'm new to the site and cannot find one.
I appreciate the feedback, and am definitely noting your suggestions as things to look at. My only defense at this time is that it's a couple chapters into a rather rough draft. I know it needs a lot of polish, and your criticism is indeed constructive!
As for titles and backstory, I felt it better to showcase Aranda's competence in her initial impression, rather than the chapters of her setting the pre-inciting incident scene.and explaining who everyone is. You might have a point in reducing the number of ways people are referred to in a standalone selection, though.
And yes, Andular's nickname is also Andy; they're twins, and their parents went for theme naming.
I really like your writing style and you are great at dialogue and pacing. I hope you don't mind some constructive criticism, but I think you risk losing the reader slightly and the momentum you've gained from the action sequence by having a lot of exposition dialogue, can not some of the back story be dropped in later, rather than stalling the pace you've set?
Also, there are lot of people and references here which slows the momentum down a bit too as it's a bit confusing... for example, who is Lady Grace? Tanya? And is Andy the nickname for the narrator (the Princess Aranda?) If so, as her brother is Andular, surely Andy would be a better nickname for him? Just a little confusing to have so many people and names when you are setting the tone and pace and 'escaping' the castle.
I apologize if there's a more direct reply function, but I'm new to the site and cannot find one.
I appreciate the feedback, and am definitely noting your suggestions as things to look at. My only defense at this time is that it's a couple chapters into a rather rough draft. I know it needs a lot of polish, and your criticism is indeed constructive!
As for titles and backstory, I felt it better to showcase Aranda's competence in her initial impression, rather than the chapters of her setting the pre-inciting incident scene.and explaining who everyone is. You might have a point in reducing the number of ways people are referred to in a standalone selection, though.
And yes, Andular's nickname is also Andy; they're twins, and their parents went for theme naming.