Carson High School seniors Scott and Davey don’t have much common ground—that is, until all universes begin collapsing into their school. Soon, the avowed loner and the mean-girl cheerleader realize that something is very wrong (demon teachers, cowboy sloths, students in flames), and they’re the only two who are aware of what’s happening. Armed with little more than school supplies and Scott’s trusty copy of The NEW Multiverse Theory, can these unlikely heroes put their differences aside and stop the total chaos?
For fans of John Dies At The End and Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Practical Applications for Multiverse Theory is a perfect balance of hilarity, surrealism and suspense–a page turner that will appeal to everyone, from nerds to popular kids.
SUPERHERO SPIRIT DAY - HOMECOMING WEEK
CHAPTER 6 - DAVEY
I sat in Mrs. Jin’s office post-nurse-trip, wearing my practice clothes (damn it) and 3 ice packs strapped to my stomach. At least this injury would make me look like I earned it in a gym class or by doing some awesome stunt and not spilling coffee all over myself as I escaped, screaming, from Farty Marty and Lenny in Peer Mediation.
Even if Farty Marty said the opposite, it’s not like anyone would believe her.
“Everything ok with Aaron?”
“OH MY GOD MRS. JIN. I spilled coffee on myself! That’s it! Jeez, Aaron didn’t do anything to me.”
“You can tell me if something is wrong.”
“I would. If there were. There isn’t.”
Don’t think about the sloth. Don’t think about McTavish the frog. Don’t. Don’t. Don’t.
“Marty said something frightened you. That you had an...episode.”
“I fell. So did my coffee. End of story, Mrs. Jin.”
“Mmhmm,” She said, resting her chin on her folded hands. “What were you thinking when it happened?”
I was trying not to be eaten by man-sized lizards that are a hallucination, but whose tongue I could feel on the tip of my nose. It felt slick. Like if you missed your mouth trying to eat a pickle.
“I was trying to get that over with.”
“Davey, Jesus. You gotta talk about what happens to you. You keep it all inside and you’ll explode.”
I stared at her. I knew what she wanted. I knew she wanted me to spill my guts about a sad home life and no friends and striking out because I was hurting deep inside and to change my ways because she had reached me.
It wasn’t going to happen.
Mrs. Jin sighed. “Go to lunch.”
I stood and walked out, into the counseling lobby. Lenny was groping at a poster of a kitten. I laughed and he turned, trying to identify who it was. Lenny was like a Bigfoot Hunter. He could see shapes, but they were always blurry. Social interaction was his cryptid. Yeah, I know that word. Fuck your stereotypes.
I put my hand on the door to go to lunch and the scalpel cut on my hand burned.
The biggest splinter I had ever seen had embedded itself into my hand. I felt rage rise up in my chest, and looked for the culprit.
The door was broken. Badly splintered and cracked. Split in some places, jagged edges hanging out, one covered in my blood. I was getting really sick of being hurt. I’d never been sick. I’d never gotten hurt, no matter who dropped me out of a basket toss. In the last two days, I’d been injured more than I had my entire life.
“Lenny, what happened to the door.”
“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“The door is busted.”
Lenny shuffled over, using his feet as a guiding stick. He held out his hands against the door and ran them down over it. His hands caught every single crack on the way down. His palm bled.
“The door seems fine to me. Is everything ok with your eyesight?”
He shuffled away, his hands split and bleeding. I knew Lenny was near-blind, but did he also not feel anything? Could he not tell? I pulled the chunk...