Prologue//Initialization
I remember a man named Socrates.
I remember a conversation between him and two other people, a man named Meno, and a slave boy.
Socrates asked the slave boy a series of questions about a square that Socrates drew in the dirt.
By the end of the conversation the slave boy knew how to double a square from four feet to eight feet.
Socrates explained that this knowledge was not given to the boy, for the boy was not taught math.
This knowledge was not of anyone else’s opinion, but from the boy’s alone.
Socrates explained to Meno that this knowledge was lying inside the boy all along.
It was not from being taught, but by remembering.
The slave boy had acquired it from another period, a period where he was not in the shape of a human.
Socrates said,
“And if truth about reality is always in our soul,
the soul must be immortal,
and one must take courage and try to discover-that is,
to recollect what one doesn’t happen to know,
or, more correctly, remember, at the moment.
I shouldn’t take my oath on the whole story,
but one thing I am ready to fight for as long as I can,
in word and act: that is, that we shall be better,
braver and more active men if we believe it
right to look for what we don’t know
than if we believe there is no point in looking
because what we don’t now
we can never discover.”
That’s a random memory I just had. But here’s the scary thing. I know without a doubt.
That memory; It’s not mine.
It’s all weird now. Can’t really explain my situation. I don’t know where I am, and if there’s either a ceiling to this place with holes, dimly lighting this cavern, or those holes are stars, and this is the end of the universe. I know I’m in some kind of space, I just don’t know what kind of space. Wherever I am there are these spiky pieces of rock everywhere. What are they called, stalactites, stalagmites? I don’t fucking know, what are these words anyway, how do I know these words?
What’s more confusing is I don’t know who I am; let alone what I am. I’m either someone incased in a silver suit of armour, or I am a silver suit of armour. Either could be true. The only certainty here is that there is an over abundance of uncertainty.
Kind of exciting when I think about it,
and kind of shitty too.
It’s all relative I guess.
Also, what the shit is ’relative’?
Where are these words coming from?
"Tell me about your dreams."
Not this shit again. There’s always this man in a tweed suit sitting in his leather chair, holding a glass tablet, and a pen. He appears every now and again. He seems like a harmless hallucination, yet I never respond to him. It used to startle me, but now it’s just annoying. It’s been two days since I woke up. Ever since then that man would show up asking me about my dreams. When I’m not busy ignoring that vision I look through the rocks and caves to find some semblance of life. There’s nothing, but me here. Me, a whole bunch of caves, stalacti- stalagmi-, what ever the fuck they are, rocks everywhere, and this guy who decides he wants to pop in and out of existence and ask me about my dreams.
Side note: I don’t know why I thought this place was the end of the universe. It’s obviously a cavernous abyss, then again I guess the end of the universe would look like this. Whatever.
"Tell me about your dreams."
That man decided to show up as I was searching a cave. The cave is dark and he sits there in his chair with a lamp illuminating him.
Side note: Don’t know how I was able to go through that darkness without light. Come to think of it I haven’t bumped into any walls yet. I must have a good sense of space even when I can’t see anything. Go figure.
Anyway, this guy is back.
I decided to play along with these visions; cave spelunking was losing its heir of mystique, not that it had any in the first place.
"I don’t dream, sir." I said politely to my hallucination.
He starts writing on his tablet, "Why do you think you can’t?"
I shrugged, "Because I don’t know anything about anything. I just woke up recently and I don’t know who I am, what I am, where I come from, what my purpose is. I know nothing."
The man keeps writing, "So because of your lack of identity you believe you can not dream?"
"Well, yeah, I guess that’s what I’m saying."
Isn’t that what I just said?
The man stops writing, "Dreams are based on information you’ve collected around you, combined together to create a narrative in your mind. A different world if you will. The only way you can’t have them is if you lack the cognitive mind to manifest them."
I have a feeling I’m lacking what ever he was talking about.
"I would like to start the exercise if that’s alright with you?"
He motions to something behind me.
I turn to find a red couch next to a side table;
a lamp on top of the side table lights everything.
It’s an eerie sight,
and a little startling
given that it wasn’t there a second ago.
No, seriously, how the hell did that get there?
I walk up to it slowly and reach out to feel it. It’s soft, the cushions have some give to them, and the lamp chimes when I poke it with my metal finger.
How is this real?
"Please, lie down on the couch and close your eyes," said the man.
Slowly, I lean myself into the couch. It’s comfy, better than the boulders I’ve been sleeping on. I lie down and close my eyes.
"Now keep listening to my voice. I want you concentrate on your breathing. Count 5 seconds and inhale, then another 5 seconds and exhale."
I follow his instructions, my body starts to loosen. It’s quite a nice feeling. Calming.
"Now, simply let your mind go.
Let it wander wherever it wants to."
It’s quiet, and hallow, and I’m breathing 5 seconds in, then 5 seconds out
Faces appear before me quickly, their voices are but noises that make me jump up from the couch.
"What was that?" I asked startled.
"Free your thoughts. And as your mind wanders I want you to be aware of it. I want you follow where your mind goes."
I reluctantly lay back down, and restarted the process. The hollow sound of the cave slowly disappears. It’s instead replaced with what sounds like waves. I can hear the wind blow around me, and feel it go through me. It’s cool, and nice. I smell something like the cavern I was in, but it was a little different. The word ’asphalt’ comes to mind. I hear horns, quick shrill horn sounds in the distance.
"When you feel like you’ve reached your destination open your eyes."
I open my eyes and find myself blinded by a large bright light. It’s not the lamp, I can feel its heat. It’s big, really big. I shield my eyes and open them slowly to help adjust them to the light.
I’m on a rooftop of a skyscraper, and cars whiz by on the streets below. The light comes from a giant orb in the middle of the sky.
How is this possible? I’ve never been here before. How do I even know what all these things are?
"Where are you now?" Asked the man.
I look over the edge and see platforms attached to the sides of this giant buildings. Floors upon floors of people roam. There are clouds, and colour amalgamations of purples going to oranges making out the evening sky. The buildings in the distance do a strange swoop upwards, almost as if they’re lifting off the ground. As I track the rooftops in the distance I see that they lift off the ground. I look up and see entire continents suspended in the sky.
"What do you see?" Said the man the again.
"Impossible things, Doc.” I am awestruck,” I’m seeing impossible things."
All these words; I caught myself as I said them and asked myself what a ’building’ was, or what a ’continent’ was, or who ’Doc’ was. The word popped into my head suddenly. Whatever the reason I feel that name best describes who ever this guy is.
"Why is it so impossible?" He asked.
I turn to him sitting in his chair on the rooftop with me.
"It’s impossible because-" I was speechless,"I don’t know, it just can’t be real!"
"Why can’t it be real?" Doc asks.
"Because it just can’t. I’ve never been here before! I told you I just woke up like 2 days ago, and I don’t remember anything, let alone this place!"
He stops writing again, "So you assume that you haven’t been here before?"
"Of course I haven’t!! I’d remember all of this if I did!!" I told him angrily.
Doc nods and slowly gets up out of his chair, placing his tablet on it, saying, "On the contrary," he buttons his two buttons on his suit, and the next words out of his stupid Doc mouth added to the uncertainty that I’ve been feeling this entire time, "you have been here before."
What.
The actual.
Fuck.
"No I haven’t." I say with utter confidence.
"You have," I watch him walk up next to me and look out towards the city, "I’m not going to tell you everything outright, I can only tell you that you’ve been here before."
I look out towards the bright orb in the sky, "Where am I?"
Doc looks to me and says, "Why don’t you go find out for yourself?"
I look at Doc, "Can I really do that? How do I get down from here?"
"Well, since it’s your dream, I believe you can figure that out yourself." He smiles at me.
I look over the edge again.
I wonder if I can fly here.
I step on the edge, and put my foot out ready to step off.
I feel myself fall forward
and jolt awake.
I scrambled around frantically trying to catch my bearings. I was asleep. All that cave exploration, the Doc, the city, it was all a dream. I look around to see a giant hole in the ceiling of the cavern. It is the only light here, and it seems so far away. The light shines off of my armour, and dim beams show a wall of rocks that seemed to have caved in an entrance to this cavern. There’s a strange red residue leading from the rubble to the edge of a cliff just opposite. The word ’blood’ comes to mind. I looked over the edge, and there’s nothing. There’s just a dark void.
"Remember them." I voice rings out through myself, throughout the cavern echoing deep into undiscovered crevasses and caves.
"Remember who?! What is even happening?!" I scream out into the darkness.
"Remember them all." The voice rang out again.
"Who?! Fucking who?!" I’m frantic, enraged, and so very confused. Above all else I am terrified.
"Remember who you were."
"I remember nothing!! There’s nothing!!" Everything is so tight, I feel paralyzed, and it grows harder to breathe. I make noises from the pain I feel. The word ’sobbing’, and ’crying’ come to mind, "I’m nothing. I have nothing inside me. I am nothing. I can’t remember because I am nothing."
I’m lying on the ground again ’crying’ loudly. My noises sound off within me giving them a metallic vibrating quality. Those sounds travel through the cavern, where there is no one to hear them.
I lie there, contorted, scared, and in dire need of help. Yet I know I’m alone. There is no one here to help me. The loneliness sets in, along with the fear, and the confusion, and I can’t move.
"I’m alone." I tell myself.
"Baby?" I turn around to see a woman reaching towards my face. She caresses my cheek softly, and I feel it. Through the sharp, cold metal, I feel this warm touch. A lamp turns on, and I see this sweet face looking down at me with such concern, "Baby, did you have a bad dream?"
"Mommy,"
that’s not my voice,
"I’m scared."
That’s a child’s voice, yet it’s coming out of me,
"I don’t want the bad man to get me."
I’m not me right now.
I’m a child.
"Don’t worry, sweetie. Nothing is going to hurt you." She continues to caress my cheek. It’s so very calming.
"I’m scared they’re gonna hurt me, Mommy." The child says with a shiver in his voice.
"You have nothing to fear, baby. You wanna know why?" I feel the child nod, "because you are a superhero. In your dreams you can be anything you want, no matter what scary thing comes your way you can become just as strong, even stronger to beat those evil things back."
"I can do that ?!" I can feel the glee and surprise the child is feeling.
"Of course you can, hon. You can be anything you want. And wanna know something else?" The child sits up attentively," That goes for when you’re awake too."
"I can be a superhero when I’m awake?"
The child is filled with so much hope and happiness.
"Absolutely, baby," She wraps her arms around me," you can be my superhero."
Her arms tighten around me. The word ’hug’ comes to mind. And also the word-
"I love you, Mommy."
Love.
"I love you too, baby."
She lets go, and lays me into a bed.
It’s comfy like the couch, but this feels all encompassing, and it feels safe.
For this moment I’m a child in a bed, in a room.
Images float around in lights on the walls.
They’re creatures of some kind.
’Deer’, ’Cow’, ’Wolf’, ’animals’, all these words keep entering my mind.
Mommy takes a strange stuffed animal and tucks it in next to me.
I wrap my arms around it and lay with it.
"Plus, you have Ron as your sidekick. Keep him close, and there’s no telling what you can do." Her smile is the loveliest sight. Just like this bed, her smile makes me feel safe. Like that smile can take away all the bad things. I love her very much.
"Now, sleep tight, Jaime." She moves the blankets closer to my chin, and turns off the lamp.
"Goodnight, mommy." She places her lips on my forehead, she ’kisses’ me, and walks out of the room leaving the door open a crack.
The ’animal’ lights dance around my room. My eyes are the child’s eyes, and I feel them become heavy as he begins to doze off.
The animals stop with a click,
and the child’s eyes open again.
A green deer illuminates the wall next to the child’s bed,
leaving the far top corner of his ceiling in total darkness.
The child stares into the dark corner, and slowly the room feels different. That confusion, that fear, that loneliness I felt before begins to return. The sound in the room gets louder, as if I’m hyper aware of everything around me.
Red eyes,
from the dark corner,
stare back at me,
at the child.
Paralyzed with fear I watch arms reach out for the wall underneath it, and pull itself from the corner to the green deer. It crawls down the wall and stands on its hands and feet, perched on the floor.
"Do you really believe what she said? That you’re strong? That you can be anything you want to be?" The thing says in a deep metallic voice.
With what ever will the child had left, he bravely nods at the dark figure glaring at him.
The thing sighs, "We’ll see about that."
A cold metal tendril wraps around the child’s mouth, my mouth. Cold, metallic restraints wrap around me as I struggle to break free.
I feel myself lift off of my bed and watch as metallic tendrils fill the room, each one moving on their own, hundreds of them, and all of which are coming out of this beings back. The hopelessness is unbearable.
It brings me close to its face, "For you to be stronger," it says," you must first give something up," it giggles, "You must give me your soul."
"Mommy!! Mommy!!" His voice is muffled under the tendrils.
A tendril presses a button next to the window of the room.
"Mommy!!"
The window opens silently.
"Mommy!!"
The thing quickly crawls out of the window.
"Mommy!!"
I scream as I jolt up from the rock floor.
I’m back in the cavern again, and my words echo through emptiness within me and around me.
"What the fuck is going on ?!?"
I lay there, and I don’t move an inch. I don’t think, I don’t sleep, and I just lie there awake, listening to the emptiness around me, afraid of the next memory that will take me.