Nowhere in the DMV handbook does it mention how to avoid drunk drivers. If it was in there, I would’ve memorized that too. Having your hands at ten and two does not stop someone from running a red light.
The accident happened so fast. Just a shrill screech of brakes, followed by the smell of burning rubber. The door smashed into my side making a sickening crunching noise. Trees and buildings on the roadside blurred as the car spun.
Then everything went black.
Now everything is white as I look around the room; white tiled floor, white walls, white machines, the white plastic bracelet around my swollen wrist. Even my sterile white bedsheets glow unnaturally bright from the warm yellowy light of a sunset pouring in from the window. I cover my eyes with the back of my hand, smelling the disinfected air on my skin. I force myself to breathe deeply. The beeping from the heart rate monitor steadies.
“Look who’s up.” An older woman in blue scrubs rushes into the room, her blonde ponytail swings with each step. She grabs my chart at the foot of the bed and flips through the pages. “We thought you were going to sleep all day, Cassidy.”
“What happened?” My words sound slow and muffled coming out of my scratchy throat.
“You’ve been in a car accident. The driver struck your left side rupturing your spleen. You had tremendous internal bleeding.” She inspects the wound on my arm. “You’re lucky to be alive. Doctor Watjen, the best surgeon here at Sacramento General said they thought they lost you several times but looks like you’re a fighter.” She squeezes my shoulder. “Aside from a few broken ribs, you will heal nicely.”
“Lost me?” My chest moves up and down but I can’t catch my breath. “Like I almost died?”
“Easy, honey. You’re hyperventilating. Take some nice big breathes, okay?” The woman rushes over and helps me sit up in bed. A sharp, almost blinding pain, shoots through my side. It ripples through my nerves, penetrates every muscle and settles in my bones. I bite down on my bottom lip until the agony subsides.
She rubs my back as I inhale and exhale slowly. “There you go, that’s a good girl.”
I catch my reflection in the mirror on the wall. I don’t recognize the girl staring back at me. Bruises line the side of my face from where the airbag hit me, making my green eyes pop against the dark blues. Swollen deep cuts of red and pink run down my pale arm, from where the glass showered down on me, slicing into my skin. Gently with my fingertips I graze over my ribs, wincing at the sensitivity.
“How long have I been out?” I ask.
“Since yesterday.”
“Wait, so it’s Saturday?” Along with the rest of me, my heart aches. The deadline to pick up my prom dress was yesterday. It must be long gone by now, just like the magical evening I’d spent the last three weeks meticulously planning. Rhett was suppose to see me in my dress and no longer see that sixth grade girl with braces and headgear. At dinner, I would charm him with that joke I found on the internet that I just knew he would laugh at. He would realize how I just get him. Then at the dance, he would pull me close and realize the love of his life was under his nose the whole time.
He would finally see that I’m not the girl who always hides behind her camera.
Now, none of that will happen.
Maybe some girl, who found a date at the last minute, took my dress. Hopefully, she likes silver. So someone else will wear my dress and Mr. Larson will get another photography student to take pictures.
Great.
At least I’m alive.
Tears form in my eyes, making them burn. I wipe them away quickly and force myself to breathe.
“Are you still in pain?” The nurse asks, her watery blue eyes look me over.
“A little.”
She nods. “You’ll feel sore for awhile. If the pain gets to a point where you can’t take it anymore, hit that.” Her hand, spotted with age, points to a red button attached to my IV. “That will give administer a small amount of morphine into your drip.” She quickly she makes a note on my paperwork. “I just gave you a dose so you’ll have to wait to take it again when it resets in six hours.” She slides my chart back in its holder at the foot of the bed before heading towards the door.
“Wait!” I call out.
Her tennis shoes squeak on the tile as she stops abruptly. “Yes?”
My voice catches in my throat. “When can I go home?”
She adjusts the pink stethoscope around her neck. “The doctor wants to keep you here for a few days.”
“If I’m okay, then why do I have to stay?” That tightening in my chest is back.
“We’ve got you on some heavy meds right now, so we need to monitor you. Don’t worry, you’ll be out in no time and you’ll wake up feeling even better.”
With the amount of adrenaline pumping through my veins, I doubt I’ll ever sleep again.
She gives me a half smile. “You do have some visitors though, I’ll let them in to see you before you fall asleep on us again.”
I rub the purplish skin surrounding the IV on the inside of my elbow. “Thanks.”
A deep ache throbs painfully behind my eyes. I rub the backs of my palms into them until weird swirling stars and strange patterns appear from behind my eyelids. The fuzzy room slowly adjusts as the sun dips behind the trees outside, casting the room in shadow. As my vision starts to return, something in the corner catches my eye. Deep in the dark edge of the room stands a faint human-like shape, hunched over. Blinking several times, my eyes struggle to focus on the details. The temperature around me chills, the warm air inside my lungs create little puffs each time I breathe. A shiver runs through my body and I pull handfuls of the blanket towards me. There are footsteps out in the hallway but I can’t seem to look away from this shadow person.
They’ve got me on some pretty heavy stuff.
A part of him extends towards me, like a branch from a tree. I learn closer, desperate to make it out. It’s a cream colored hand, but instead of fingers, stark white bones curl out, like all the flesh has been peeled off them. Up the arm, patches of grey and decaying skin dangle off the bone. I shut my eyes and pull the sheet over my face.
The heart rate monitor starts beeping faster.
It’s just a hallucination, it’s not really there.
“Finally, you’re up.” I jump at the sound of my mom’s voice. My skin feels electrified, every hair standing on end. She peeks around the door. Her dyed red hair swings like a curtain at her jaw.
I nod and swallow a lump forming in my throat. “Yeah, got up a few minutes ago.” My lips twitch upward, but a gash on the thin skin stretches, I grimace at the pain.
“Oh Cassidy,” she says, pushing her lower lip out. Looking around the room, she flicks on the light, illuminating the room. “It’s too dark in here.”
She’s always looking to fix things outside her control.
My eyes dart to the corner of the room, but there’s no disgusting, boney shadow.
This pain medication’s no joke.
Taking a seat in the metal chair next to my bed, Mom fusses over my pillows, fluffing the ones that went thin.
She didn’t bother trying to cover the black bags under her blue eyes. Normally, the first thing she puts on is her concealer. Even a bit of grey hair has gone untouched around her temples. Little wrinkles line the outsides of her lips, something I’ve never noticed before. They must be new, she always purses her lips when she’s worried.
“How are you feeling?” She speaks barely above a whisper, as if a loud noise might break me further.
I chuckle. “Like I’ve been hit by a car.”
Her eyes well with water. A joke isn’t what she needed right now. “Oh mom, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”
She wipes away a tear running down her cheek. “I’m sorry, I’m so emotional, but we’ve been so worried.” She lets a big puff of air escape, “But, you’re alright now, it’s just so good to see you awake.”
“Same here,” I say with a sigh. “Where’s Dad and Jon?”
Her eyes fall to the floor. “Well, your brother had a big baseball game today. Dad’s there with him.”
“Huh,” I laugh dryly, shaking my head. “Heaven forbid he misses one game.”
I guess hearing that I’m okay is good enough for both of them.
She stands up, attempting to brush the wrinkles out of her clothes. “Oh stop Cassidy. You know this season is important. Recruiters come to these games. Once Jon knew you were okay, he didn’t think you would mind”
I fidget with the sheet. Too many summers I got dragged to his games. Bored on the metal bleachers, I would play in the empty lot next to the baseball diamond. Dirt, rocks and other non-athletic siblings were my companions until the sun went down, and we could go home. Over dinner, I’d be retold tales of the amazing plays made by my brother. During the nightly phone calls regaling his awesomeness to out-of-town relatives, I’d sneak away with my favorite book. Those stories were interesting and never talked about sports.
She pinches the skin on the bridge of her nose and closes her eyes. “Neither of you make much of an effort, you know. You’ll have to try a little harder.”
“Why me?” I ask, crossing my arms. I wince, two tender spots rub together.
“Because you’re the girl. It falls on you to make the peace.”
“I don’t see how my gender has anything to do-” I cringe as a rocket of pain shoots through my side.
“See? You’ve just been in a huge accident and I haven’t slept since. I don’t want to have this conversation right now. You need to rest, but before you do, your friends want to see you.” She calls outside the room. “Come on in A.J.”
The door swings open and A.J ducks to avoid the doorframe. His mopish brown hair curls next to his ears, untouched by a comb. Not from worry, but from whatever weird organic stuff he puts in it.
“Heya Cas, glad you didn’t die.” His warm voice makes me smile, despite the pain.
My mom tuts. “Manners, A.J.”
“It’s fine,” I say, waving her off. It’s more than fine, it’s great.
“Already causing trouble?” A.J’s mom glides through the door, the crystals around her neck clanging together. She gives me a kind smile as she tries untangling a lock of her frizzy hair from a large silver hoop earring.
“Hello Marla.” My mom’s voice strains with fake enthusiasm.
“Hmm,” A.J’s mom scans the room, hugging herself around the waist. “I’m getting a very strange energy in here. I don’t like it.”
A.J rolls his eyes. “Don’t mind her. Anyways, you look like you’ve been hit by a car.”
I raise an eyebrow, best friends think alike.
My mom checks her watch. “I’m getting a coffee. Marla, care to join me?”
“That sounds lovely, Lucy, I don’t think I can stay in this room a second longer. I brought some of my relaxation tea for you. If I could just find it.” She follows behind my mother through the door, fumbling through the crochet bag slung across her body.
Letting out an exaggerated sigh, A.J plops down next to me on the bed. Despite the friendly freckles on his tan skin, his wide hazel eyes look tired and full of emotion.
“I’m going to be okay.” I reassure him, patting his hand.
“Psst, I know.” The worry still lingers in his eyes. He intertwines his pinkie with mine, locking my hand against his.
In all our years as friends, A.J has never held my hand.
Almost like he read my thoughts, he pulls his hand away. He reaches for his necklace, the one he started wearing ten years ago after his dad died. It’s a jagged purple crystal dangling from a delicate thin stretch of leather. “When do you think you’re getting outta here?”
I lay my head against the pillows, the fluffing from my mother did nothing. “ I have no idea, hopefully soon. I can’t believe I’m missing prom tonight. This was my chance with Rhett.”
“Ugh, you’re not gonna go on one of those twenty minute rants about his goofy smile again, are you?”
I narrow my eyes at him playfully. “They aren’t ’rants’, they’re descriptions.”
Rhett’s smile. The first time I saw it, in the sixth grade, I knew he was the one. That year, in the talent show, he sang “Someone That I Use to Know” by Gotye, which also happened to be my favorite song. A year later, he winked at me in the cafeteria when we ordered the same turkey avocado sandwich with no mayo. He was an athlete, playing for our high school’s soccer team. That would definitely earn my family’s approval. For years, I doodled his name, positioned myself close at lunch and talked to Sam incessantly about him. Even I was shocked that I was able to maintain my 4.0 that year.
If the doctor said I could leave, I would hobble my way there in a second. “Did you ever find anyone to go with?”
A.J stretches his long arms behind his head. “Naw, none of the girls at school do it for me. I’m a lone wolf.” He takes out a tiny red bottle and opens it up.
I wrinkle my nose at a heinous scent filling the room. “What is that smell?”
He rolls his eyes. “It’s some protection oil. Hospitals contain bad juju, gimme your wrist.”
I turn my arm over and he dabs a bit of the liquid on it. “Yeah, this will definitely keep everything away.” I pinch my nose, laughing.
Jumping up from the bed, he motions to the hallway outside. “Speaking of everyone, Sam’s here to see you.”
Her name’s music to my ears. With the three amigos together, missing prom won’t seem as bad. Grunting through the aches and pains, I push myself into a seated position. “What’s she doing waiting out in the hall? Bring her in.”
The corners of his lips pull down.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, my heart racing.
“I wanted to check with you first to see if you wanted to see her.”
“Why wouldn’t I?” Sam and I met in the second grade, instantly hitting it off. She was the sister I always wanted. We met A.J a year later and the three of us became the best of friends. Now in our junior year of high school, we never let a day go by without seeing each other.
“She’s on her way to prom Cas.”
My heart sinks into my stomach. She found a date. A stab of jealousy surges. What am I thinking? Of course she did, she is wonderful. I should be happy for her, she was heartbroken when no one asked. Now that closet full of sparkly dresses from those horrible pageants will finally get some use.
“Just ’cause I can’t go, doesn’t mean she can’t,” I shrug, pretending it doesn’t bother me. “I’m happy for her.”
He nods, his frown deepening “Come on in Sam.”
A wisp of blonde hair appears from behind the door. My breath catches in my chest at the sight of her. Her blue eyes match her sapphire colored strapless dress, her curled hair hangs like a waterfall of gold on her bare shoulders. On her wrist, a delicate white rose is held together by a silver bow.
“Oh my God! You look beautiful.”
She fans her hands in front of her eyes. “Thank you, but I can’t even right now. Look at you!”
Tears mist up my eyes. “Stop it or I’m gonna start crying too.”
A.J makes a pretend gagging noise, walking out of the room. “I can’t deal with all this right now. I’ll leave you two crying loons to talk.”
Sam’s heels clip and clop on the tile, running to my bedside. She hugs me tight around the neck. My teeth clench through the pain. “I thought I was going to lose you. Don’t ever do that to me again.”
“Deal,” I say, squeezing her arm. “So prom huh? I’m so jealous! Who are you going with?”
Her eyes drop to the ground. “Well, that’s what I wanted to see you about.” Her fingers twirl the ribbon on her corsage.
“What’s wrong?” I sit up a little straighter.
“You see, when you got hurt, Rhett called to ask me how you were doing. He was distraught of course, we all were, but we got to talking and he mentioned he had already rented his tux and...”
“You’re going with Rhett?” No, this can’t be happening. She might as well have stabbed me with one of her heels.
That smile will be in Sam’s prom photos, not mine.
“I don’t have to,” she cries. “I know how horrible this looks but he didn’t have a date and neither did I. We’re just going as friends, just so we can go. If this is going to ruin things between us, say the word, and I won’t go.”
I shift in the bed, glancing out the window. Tonight was supposed to be my magical night to remember. Not only did my dark hair pop against my dress’s silvery material, but it hugged my curves, something I wanted Rhett to see. I’ve been laying groundwork with him all year. Now, I got nothing to show for it but some broken ribs and my best friend taking my place.
All my life, my parents drilled into me how important it is to put your friends and family first. They would say I’m selfish if I give in to the swirling ball of anger in my gut.
When Jaime Hetton took my unicorn eraser in fourth grade, my dad told me to let her keep it. That I should always sacrifice my own wants and desires to make someone else happy. Yet, when it came to Jon, that conversation always sounded different. Dad would always say, “Take what you want!” and “Don’t let anyone stand in the way of your dreams!”
The words, “please don’t go” dance on the tip of my tongue, begging to come out, but I force them back. I would be a horrible friend if I ruined this for her.
I sigh. “Of course, you should go.”
She throws her arms around my neck again. “Thank you Cas. This means the world to me.”
Friends make sacrifices for each other, regardless if one of them gets hurt. I’m sure she would do the same for me.
Throwing her hair over her shoulder she calls outside the room. “Rhett, she says she’s cool with it. Come on in!”
“Wait, what?” I whisper, pulling her arm towards me. “He’s here? I don’t want him seeing me like this.” I smooth my hair down, tucking it behind my ears.
“It’s fine, you look great.” She flashes me one of her pageant smiles.
He walks in and my heart skips a beat. The black and white tux fits him perfectly, draping nicely over his broad shoulders. His deep espresso colored hair is slicked to the side, letting his caramel eyes take the spotlight. They sparkle as he flashes the whitest, most amazing smile I’ve ever seen.
“Hi Cassidy, how are you feeling?” My heart flutters at his deep, rich voice.
“Oh fine,” I giggle, my face growing red and hot. “Just a little banged up.” Did I just say banged? Oh God, just finish the job now.
“Cool, glad to hear it.” His nose crinkles up. “Whoa, what’s that smell?”
I shove my arm with A.J’s oil on it under the sheets. I’m glad I’m in the hospital because I’m about to die of embarrassment.
He turns to Sam, lightly touching her on the elbow. I’ve never been so jealous of an elbow before. “I hate to do this, but I think we need to get going.”
Sam gives me another hug. “Thanks again Cas,” she softly says.
Waving goodbye, they walk out the door.
“Have fun guys.” I shout after them but they’re already gone.
My exhausted limbs beg for release so I slide back into the sheets. Everything aches, all I want to do is curl up in my own bed until I feel like myself again. I shift in the bed as images of Rhett twirling Sam around at prom, play in a loop in my brain. The two of them, smiling at each other, while romantic music plays. That blue dress pressed up against his tux.
I’m lucky to be alive, but even that can’t stop a tear from running down my face.
A heaviness starts to settle in as the medicine they pumped into me takes hold. I let my muscles relax into the stiff bed and position my head comfortably on the pillow.
Just as my eyes begin to close, a sickening crunch sends shivers all through my body. Like boney joints snapping and popping together. I sit up quickly, searching frantically for the noise. Other than the heart rate machine’s rhythmic beeping, the room goes silent.
Forgetting to breathe, I exhale loudly. “I’m losing it.”
I gently settle myself back into bed and turn on my side to face the window. I see it again. The strange human-like shadow from before, lurking in the corner of the room. My heart beats wildly against my chest as I stare, trying to make out any details I can. But the medicine churning inside my body’s winning. My eyes flutter open and close, fighting to stay conscious.
This time, he isn’t hunched over. His clothes hang in shreds over his body barely holding together the loose skin that peels off his bones. His milky colored eyes stare at me lifelessly.
A rattling breath emanates deep from within his throat, sending goosebumps up my arms.
“Cassidy,” he whispers, before his words disappear inside my drug induced slumber.