“You know your dick is weird right?”
Jeff involuntarily sprang up into a seated position, his body escaping it’s terror drenched slumber. His skin still glistening in sweat, Jeff madly searched his surroundings for conformation of his current location in both time, and space. Slowly reality began to embrace him. As his eyes adjusted in the dark its tinted vision revealed that he was in fact still in the present day and still in the same room he had fallen asleep.
Relief poured over him washing away all remaining doubts as his breath returned to a more natural rate. He was still here. His company issued apartment. His company issued bed. His surrogate home a few days out of every month.
His mind deciphered if his most recent dream was nightmare or a memory.
"It’s getting harder and harder to tell them apart." He thought.
Jeff sighed a breath of relief dropping his weary head in his welcoming damp palms. It was at that moment though the gaps between his fingers, Jeff noticed it. He pulled his hands away to view it in its entirety.
Jeff’s eager erection was tenting the sheets just above his lap.
“Shit.” He muttered to himself.
Jeff HATED that dream. How vivid it was. How close it was to the actual events. The sensations. The smells.
The hair.
The reoccurring dream was like a reliable designated driver, no matter how much of a drunken fuss he through, it always took him home.
It didn’t matter how many fucked up things he’d seen or did in his increasingly strange life since that first time, when the dream came knocking Jeff always became that same scared, little boy.
You know your dick is weird right?
“And why does it always end with the first thing Cassandra ever said to me?” He perplexed.
After all, Jeff didn’t meet Cassandra till years later. Despite how confounding this question was, what pissed Jeff off more than anything, the worst part about the entire recurring nightmare, was that his dick was hard when he woke up.
Jeff sighed, disappointed at his penises weakness. He glared at it with resolve, an attempt to win a staring contest with his cock. His member remained large beneath the bedding, determined not to shrink.
The battle of will power continued for several moments until Jeff blinked first. Like many great men before him, he would succumb to the demands of the bulging terrorist inside his pants.
His right hand reached beneath the sheets.
He surpassed the elastic band of his faux flannel sleeping pants and just as his fingers managed to get a grip around the eager base, the room erupted in blinding light. It wasn’t the warm tungsten glow of the hanging lights the company installed to make the place feel more like a home. It was the harsh, eye blinding, sterile white light of the recessed overheads. It was the kind of light that’s in buildings they keep sick people.
"Sick People." Jeff thought.
Jeff quickly released his dick and threw his hands up into the air like a criminal who’d just received his final warning to drop his weapon.
“Woah, Woah Ok! Everything’s fine!” Jeff shouted.
With a click, an all too familiar voice filled the air through the rooms PA system.
“Easy there Jack. No touchy the cock while you’re on the clock.” Cassandra said with a playful tinge to her voice.
Jeff couldn’t believe it. It had to be her. His face puckered like he’d just mistaken a sour patch kid for a gummy bear.
“Cassandra. Don’t you ever go home?”
“Cables out at my place. So I figured I’d pick up some extra shifts. Watch a little CCTV here instead. Didn’t know it was already time for the ten thirty dirties.”
People around the office told Jeff that Cassandra was beyond a borderline genius, but Jeff had his doubts. He thought it more likely she was a failed third rate comic who cleverly fooled their employers. Oddly, if Jeff wasn’t always the punchline of her jokes, they’d probably even be drinking buddies.
Without benefits, of course.
“I just had an itch. Can you turn off these damn lights?” Jeff proclaimed.
The lighting in the room dimmed to a more tolerable hue. Jeff lowered his arms and relaxed his eyelids.
“Itch eh? Well your itch looks like it wants to ejaculate.”
Jeff grabbed the pillow behind him throwing it over his lap. He tried not to look offended. He knew Cassandra got off on it.
Beneath the pillow his penis shrank at a speed equivalent to his growing irritation.
“Come on Cass.”
“What would you have even done with the ejaculate? The tissues are all the way across the room. You’re not wearing any socks. Were you just gonna shoot it in the sheets, then sleep in the spooge like some sort of self loafing sex fiend?”
“Can you just shut up so I can go back to sleep?”
“Sure thing, just as soon as I finish writing this up in my report.”
She had to be joking.
“What!? I barely even touched it.”
“You know Karren. She likes to be kept in the loop on every detail, and your masturbatory habits are a big part of that loop.“
“An ITCH!”
"Dammit! She made me yell." His internal voice scolded.
“And, done. Ok, get back to your dreams. Just be sure to keep em dry.”
The lights clicked back off. A small glow remained in the florescent tubes only momentarily before the room was once again drowned in darkness. Jeff muttered to himself inaudible between grit teeth. He flung himself backward onto the empty mattress, his head thudded with a bounce. He forgot he relocated the pillow above his now defeated manhood. Flustered, he removed the pillow shielding his privates, and jammed it back beneath his skull. His head nestled back and forth indenting into the bag of cotton. Once settled, he closed his eyes.
The rooms PA system clicked back on.
“Jeffery, just one last thing.”
Jeff’s eyes opened, his brow instantly furrowed.
“What?” He said annoyed.
“I know I could just peep it when you fill out your dream log tomorrow, but I’m curious. Was I in your dream again?”
Jeff furiously rolled to his side. He grabbed the pillow simultaneously wrapping his head inside it like an over stuffed gyro. His shout was muffled by the pillows dense filling.
“No!”
“Ooooookaaaaaay.” Cassandra said, dragging the two syllable word with suspicion. Her voice disappeared with a click.
"How the hell does she always know?" Jeff pondered.
It was his last echoing thought before falling back asleep.