August 20, 1952

CHAPTER ONE

                Today was a very hot day. Even to be in the South in the middle of summer, it was exceptionally hot. It was so hot that I put on my short skirt.  Well it used to be a long skirt, but I had to make it short because I hated the way the material felt against my legs. It was a lacy material that was really sticky and made my legs sweat. I hated that feeling.  It had to be over 100 degrees and it was the evening time. I had been waiting all day for it to cool down so I could walk to the local shop and gather some snacks.

                Lewis, this local boy I had met a week ago, was coming over tomorrow and we were going to hang out. Well that is what I assumed we were going to do. See I was new to Barber, Mississippi. I was originally from Columbus, Mississippi, but my mother insisted I move in with my grandmother since a lot of racial profiling was going in Columbus.

                I figured people were going to be profiling me here as well seeing I was a young, attractive black girl. See folks these days were very racist and shady toward us blacks. Sure, slavery was over, but tell that to those racist pigs. Everyone seemed to be racist, especially the white people. I noticed some of the lighter complexioned blacks were profiling against us darker blacks. Even the lighter blacks in my family such as my sisters and aunts were noticeably acting different toward me.

                I pretended that I did not notice it at first, because it started when we would be in public and the white folk would be staring at us. See, my sisters Samantha and Stephanie were light enough to pass for white. We all looked alike except I had reasonable darker skin that I acquired from someone in the past I assume. Otherwise, I had the hair like ‘white people did’ and the light color eyes like ‘white people did’.

                Anyways, I had to be sent here to this exceptionally small town because apparently racism had not spread to the small towns. I did not believe that because I saw the stares I received from local folks when my grandmother and grandfather took me to the grocery shop when I first arrived. Everyone was all smiles and nice until they saw me come about. My granny said they were just in awe of my natural beauty, but I knew better. I was born at night, but not last night.

                        “Sophia, bring me some chicken legs if you can, baby?” my grandmother called from the porch.

                Granny was a short, fair skinned woman with attitude and sass for days. She was firm, but fair in her rearing. Granny’s hair was soft, silky and silver. I just loved curling it for her and watching her shake it all over her head. She could have been one of those models. Hell, I could have been one as well! Oh but Granny- she had a smile to die for. I loved Granny so much. She had seen so much in her time on this Earth, but always kept a smile on her face.

                I snapped out of my daydream and waved to let her know I had heard her. I then treaded on for the half mile walk. The heat was not that bad, but it was very humid. I thought about Lewis to get the heat off my mind. He was so handsome. I think his folks owned a few stores in town just from what he has told me and he seemed to be a bit wealthy. I smiled because maybe we would get married and he’d take me to a big city, like New York or London even. I had always enjoyed the British accent of Lawry, who owned the outlet mall back in Columbus.

                Anyway, Lewis had approached me after a sermon session at my grandparents’ church, which his granddaddy was the pastor. I was amazed at how well kept he seemed. He smelled of sweet nectar, but nothing too sweet for a man’s smell. His hair was curly, his eyes light and skin light as well so much I believed he was white until five minutes into our conversation.

                        “Hey there gyal!”

                The call broke me away from my thoughts and I turned in time to see three white men in a dirty white pickup truck. They looked like some scoundrels that just had a mud bath and let it dry in the sun. That was an automatic ignore. I grimaced and turned around to continue my walk. The sidewalk was turning into dirt, gravel road so I walked over to the grass. As I continued to walk, I bumped into someone. I yelled out and immediately started to apologize.

                        “Watch out there, nigger girl.”

                I looked up and saw a very handsome white man. He had on a Polo shirt and khaki pants and he was well dressed. He appeared to be in his late twenties. I don’t know where in the world he came from because I didn’t see anyone ahead of me. And then he called me a nigger girl! What was that about?

                        “Excuse me.” I said pushing past him. I did not want any trouble and tried to ignore the fact that he had blatantly disrespected me.

                He grabbed my arm and jerked me back in front of him. I screamed out in pain and pushed him away. He stumbled but did not let go of my arm. He pulled me closer to him and his smile was sickening.

                        “You’re a pretty darkie.”

                Repulsed, I snatched my arm back and slapped him. He stumbled back and grabbed his face. I was afraid that he’d retaliate and I started to back away from him.

                        “You’re gonna regret that you stupid cunt.” He said retracting his fist.

                Out of reflexes I closed my eyes and held my hands up. After a moment and not feeling anything, I opened my eyes and saw Lewis standing in front of me. He had the man in a headlock!

                        “Oh my God, Lewis!” I screamed as he punched the man in the face.

                The man fell on his back and grabbed his face. I looked up to see the dirty white pickup truck circling back. The men jumped out and circled us.

                        “Jamie, keep your hands off her.” Lewis yelled.

                The man I presumed to be Jamie held his face and looked at me. “That nigger whore assaulted me for no good reason!”

                The men looked at me accusingly. “LIAR!” I screamed out.

                All of a sudden folks appeared from out of nowhere. I was being casted out as that nigger bitch that assaulted this handsome white man. Lewis had called him out his name, so I presumed he knew him or at least knew of him.

                        “Jamie, don’t lie now man. She did not hit you until you touched her. I saw the whole thing!” Lewis screamed at him.

                Jamie stood and had a look of malice in his eyes. I had seen that look many times and knew nothing good could come from that look.

                        “Oh, come on Lewis. Look at her. You here defending this dark skin black whore. We supposed to be family!”

                Lewis shook his head.

                        “Look Jamie, I love you like family, but let this be. Come on, let me take you home.” Lewis said coming near me. I was afraid of what Jamie and the hoodlums would do to Lewis and better yet me.

                        “Lewis, I didn’t do anything.” I cried as he put his arms around my waist.

                        “Ssshhh, I know you didn’t darling. Come on.”

                Back at my house, my grandparents were gone and my cousins were as well. I invited Lewis into my bedroom and he obliged. I kept apologizing for the incidence believing I had caused a ruckus.

                        “No, the only thing you stirred was his Johnson.” He chuckled.

                I laughed as well. “Was that your family member?”

                He nodded. “He’s my cousin on the white side. He’s an asshole though. He acts like black women are whores and cunts but he always tries his luck with every black girl in sight.”

                        “Oh.”

                        “So, I hope that incident ain’t changed what you think of me?” he asked.

                        “Oh, no. You are the perfect gentleman. I was going to the store then to get snacks for our date.”

                He stared at me. “So it was a date?”

                Oh my. What if he didn’t think it was a date? I was so smitten by him that I just assumed it was one. I am so embarrassed.

                        “Oh, I mean I just-“

                        “No, it was for me too. I was just glad you were thinking like me.”

                Lewis and I talked for another thirty minutes about the oddities things in life and I found out that his father was white and his mother was half white and black. I guess that made him more “white” than black if that made sense. He really could pass for white on more days than other I’d assume. Also his family pretty much owned Barber, Mississippi and many other small towns like it.

                        “But I’ve seen your family and know a little about them. Well at least your family here in Barber. You are the darkest of them all. Some of your family looks like me.”

                        “Oh, well my family has mixed race, but I just happened to get the darker skin. I mean I love my skin but lately, I don’t know with all the racism.”

                        “Well, I for one find you to be very beautiful.”

                For some reason when he said that that, I felt a love connection to him. The next few weeks Lewis and I were inseparable. He was all I could think about. I wasn’t even thinking about my family, especially when my grandmother told me my mother and sisters were visiting in the next few days. Lewis hung around my house a lot more than I did at his because his white family were well, pretty much racists.

                        “So, aren’t you excited girl? Your sisters and mammy coming to visit?” my granny asked one day.

                I shrugged my shoulders. I could care less. When I was in Columbus, they treated me like the step child and sister more than their own flesh and blood. I was glad I had moved with granny and grandpa. Sure Barber was boring as all hell, but I had my dear Lewis to even things out for me.

                        “Yes, sure. Hey, can you fix enough stew for Lewis, granny?”

                Lewis was coming over later and after out make out session, I wanted him to eat before he went home. I felt like we were playing house or something. We had began having sex just a couple weeks before and although I was a virgin before then, Lewis made the experience great. I was pretty scared but I was glad I had chosen him to have my virginity.

                        “Sophia, that Lewis boy is always on your brain. You sure do spend a heap amount of time with him.” Granny said stirring the pot.

                        “Oh but granny. I love being with him. He is such a gentleman.” I cooed.

                Granny did not say much else, so I left her in the kitchen to cook. In the living room, my cousin Tamera played solitaire on the coffee table. I decided to join her. Tamera was four years older than me. We got along just fine; it was just that she was always in neighboring city Cachoo Ville attending a beauty school there.

                        “Fun isn’t it?” I asked her.

                She looked at me and shrugged.

                        “Well what are you doing for fun, cousin?” she asked.

                        “Well, nothing now. But when Lewis comes over later, we’ll have plenty of fun.” I said. I was meaning we would have sex, and I am pretty sure Tamera picked up on it.

                        “You mean you and him are going to be having sex like jack rabbits, right?”

                My eyes bulged and I looked around to make sure no one else heard that. How did she know that?

                        “What?!” I exclaimed in disbelief.

                        “Please. I been hearing you in there squealing like a tortured pig and the bed squeaking like it’s going to break.” She said rolling her eyes.

                        “Oh, Tamera. Why you never tell me before?” I asked.

                        “Well, I just went out to the barn and did some work until I figured yawl were done. What are you thinking having sex in grandma and grandpa’s house girl?”

                        “I mean, Lewis and I can’t go to his house or-“

                        “And you telling me he can’t afford a hotel? Better yet, his folks own two of the four hotels in this town! And don’t think I didn’t see you giving fellatio to him in his car the other night. Sophia, you have disappointed me.” She said shaking her head.

                My face was flustered with shame. Lewis always wanted to have sex it seemed like and we’d always be in my room. I always hoped that no one would come home early and hear us doing it.

                        “I mean, we just always happen to be in my room and…”

                        “Cut the crap. Sophia, look, I never said anything about it, but I’m going to tell you cause I know you don’t know.”

                        “Know what, Tamera?”

                        “Okay, Lewis is not who you think he is or who he wants you to think he is. Sure you know his family is racist, but Lewis is damn near racist himself. You ain’t the first black girl he’s rescued from the clutches of the white man. He tried that crap on me a while back.”

                I sat back in disbelief. How could this be true?

                        “What…”

                        “Yes, pretty much like you told me. Some white man tried to attack me and Lewis happened to save the day. And this happens all the time. Except I didn’t fall for him as he hoped. I say you cut the crap with him now. Before you end up in some trouble you can’t get out of.” She said standing up and leaving the room.

                I sat there with my mind wondering until Lewis appeared at the door.  We got in his car and drove to the outskirts of town. There he stopped the car and he tried to kiss me but I pushed him back.

                        “What’s the hold up? Let me kiss my black sugar.”

                        “Lewis, what’s going on with you and my cousin Tamera.”

                I explained what Tamera had told me and he chuckled.

                        “Tamera is very delusional. She is thinking about my older brother Nathaniel. Now he had a thing for Tamera, but she had a thing for my other brother Daniel. They are fraternal twins but look just alike. I think Tamera‘s heated because Daniel didn’t like her because she was a brown skin girl, but Nathaniel dug it. You see the women in your family have hips and that unseen look around here. Tamera’s mad because she had sex with Nathaniel thinking he was Daniel.”

                        “What, why would he do that to her?”

                Lewis laughed. “My brother is what they call a ladies man. Well they both are. Personally, I think Tamera knew the difference and tried to make Daniel jealous but it backfired. I also think she got pregnant but went off and either had an abortion or had the baby elsewhere.”

                I covered my mouth. That would have explained how she was always saying things about her baby, then she’d look sad. I always thought she was talking about a man as her baby.

                        “Oh Lewis. I didn’t even know that.”

                        “Not many do. Now let’s go and…” he said grabbing my neck.

                I knew what that was a sign for but I was not in the mood for that right now. I just wanted to talk to him like we used to do before we had sex.

                        “No, Lewis, I don’t feel very well for that.”

                Lewis huffed. I knew he was annoyed with me and probably Tamera now.

                        “Look, I didn’t come get you to talk about Tamera. You were cool with everything until she came back to town.”

                        “Lewis, can we just talk about us?”

                Although Lewis and I had been seeing each other for two months, we had never discussed what our title was. I had assumed we were girlfriend and boyfriend from everything we did.

                        “Why? I just want your mouth down here.” He said grabbing my head and pushing.

                I pulled away and stared at him. “Lewis! Stop!”

                        “Stop? Wait what I did?!”

                        “You are being an inconsiderate asshole! Look, I just need to go back home.”

                Lewis stared at me and he rubbed his face.

                        “You’d think in this day and age that I’d be respected more by your type. Or just you women in general.”

                I was taken aback by his comment. What in the world he meant by my type?

                        “What you mean my type? What black women?”

                        “I mean let’s face it. It was not even that long ago that slavery was abolished and then what thirty two years ago when women received rights to vote? All that’s a joke and you are the epitome of it.”

                I was beyond angry about what he was saying to me. It seemed like he was a different person.

                        “Lewis, please take me home.” I said growing leery of him now.

                        “There you go demanding things. And I refuse to take you anywhere until you act like you are supposed to act, Sophia.”

                I couldn’t believe how he had changed on me.  “Lewis, look I don’t know what’s going on with you, but it’s me Sophia. Remember?”

                        “Get out my car.” He said quietly.

                I stared at him and saw he was serious. I looked out the window and I saw the sign for Barber. It was ten miles back into the town limit. How was I supposed to get back into town?

                        “Lewis, I-“

                        “Sophia, I won’t tell you again.”

                I was not sure if he was serious but he would not look at me. I saw his hands start to tremble and I assumed he was getting very upset. I know Tamera starts to shake and cry when she gets very upset and has to leave the area. Some people are just like that I guess.

                        “I just want to say that-“

                Lewis yelled in a growling voice, “Get out now!”

                I grabbed the door handle and stepped out the door. He looked at me and his face looked distorted as he said, “I don’t want to hurt you anymore, Sophia. Forgive me.”

                I watched as he sped off driving erratically. Maybe he had been drinking moonshine or something.  I started to walk toward the town. I couldn’t stay here all night waiting on Lewis to come back, if he even cared enough. I knew he wouldn’t dare tell my grandparents that he’d left me out in the outskirts of town. They’d have a fit.

                        “I guess I better walk against traffic.” I said to myself as I walked along the side of the road. I surely hoped there weren’t snakes or other critters in this grass. I was terrified of those types of species.

                I surely wondered why Lewis began to act strange. He seemed to snap and his personality changed. It even looked like his face was changing as well. Then he had growled at me. Or at least it seemed like a growl to me. I really did like him but I figured it was best that we called it quits.

                I was so deep in my thoughts that I did not notice a truck pulling along side me. I looked over and saw two smiling white men. I groaned because I was not looking for trouble again.

                        “Hey, beautiful. What you doing walking these roads here?” the one driving asked.

                        “I ain’t looking for no trouble sirs.” I said speeding up my pace and looking straight ahead. I doubted anyone could or even would help me out here if something went sour. And I suspected something was about to go sour.

                        “Oh pretty girl ain’t gone be no trouble. We just want to take you home.”

                Oh, sure and then I’ll be one of those black girls that goes missing but the police do nothing about it. Especially if it was even speculated that white men did the crime. It’s just assumed that the black girls must have done a crime and did the time. Sad, but it was true in these times.

                        “I am fine.” I replied wishing that they’d get the hint and leave. I’d much rather be left alone than talk to them another minute. Unfortunately they were the kind that thought my attitude meant I was playing hard to get.

                        “I think you need company. Pull over, here.” The passenger said.

                I got nervous as the car pulled over but I was not sure whether or not I should show it. I decided against it and kept my pace. It was beginning to get a bit cool although it was summer time. I wish I’d grabbed a shawl or coat right now. I heard the car doors close and I glanced behind me to see the two men crossing the street and approaching me.

                        “Lord please let them leave me alone. Watch over me.” I said my quick prayer and turned to face them.

                They were very handsome and I noticed that they resembled another. They must have been brothers or something. Their clothing seemed high end, so I assumed they were rich fellows too.

                        “Gentlemen, will you please leave me alone?” I asked in a hushed tone.

                They looked at another and burst into a high pitched laughter.

                        “You are funny and very pretty for a nigger whore.”

                I knew I was about to lose my temper for that last comment. I refused to be disrespected by these white devils. Before I knew it, I hauled off and slapped that white boy. Both of them had a look of shock on their faces. The fellow I’d slapped grabbed where I’d just hit him.

                        “She has a lot of gall Danny. I say she’s a good one.”

                Danny nodded and a grin appeared on his face.

                        “I was just thinking that.”

                        “What, what are you talking about?” I asked not liking their reactions one bit.

                        “Oh, it’s nothing. We just are going to make you special.”

                Before I knew it, I was on the ground being dragged into the woods. I screamed bloody murder and dug my nails into the dirt to no avail. I last remember those white boys howling like wolves and their faces were distorted like Lewis’ had been earlier. Oh, and I felt the most excruciating pain in my body before I blacked out.