Introduction/Preface

The Adventure of Life in the Jungle

Doesn’t everyone have a sense of something much larger than themselves when they’re growing up? I remember in particular two places in which I would experience these expanded states: the trampoline in our backyard and my family’s weekend house at Lake Conroe. I would lie on the trampoline and look up at the sky knowing there was something out there that I wanted to reach out and touch. I’d float on Lake Conroe and see the enormity of that something else tenfold. I lay there in awe knowing life is meant to be extraordinary. As a kid I didn’t have the exact words to describe expanded states. Now I understand it as an inner spiritual “knowing” that has an exciting energy—it’s an experience of infinite possibility. Are you like myself, still interested, excited and present to the possibility of who you are and the purpose of your life?

Jane in the Jungle is a metaphor for empowering women and girls in being the true gift we are in our lives and in the world at large. It is a viewpoint of life as an adventure with many twists and turns, learning much along the way from our experiences. In the background the metaphor is the possibility of women’s voices being heard in the world in 100 percent partnership with men. Empowering women adds not only to their lives and their loved ones’ lives; it creates the possibility of what life can be on this earth for everyone.

My story is not one of overcoming the worst kinds of tragedy such as being born with a birth defect or having been sexually abused. Neither was I born into poverty or any other over the top debilitating circumstance. I share with you a story of not settling for status quo and as someone who has chosen to question how life really works. I was raised in a very dysfunctional family that looked great on the outside as well as a world that is full of pain and suffering. It has never been O.K. with me to look good on the outside and cover up how I really feel or saying what I see going on in this world. I acquired many skills for clearing the limitations that have surfaced while in pursuit of what I knew from my earliest childhood experience of life’s greatness, potential and infinite possibilities.

This book is designed to encourage and validate an authentic journey of pursuing dreams and purpose for each and every female who reads it. Ultimately unleashing women into the world, declaring themselves as the powerful leaders that I believe the world begs us to be at this time in history. The adventure is one of mastering swinging high on the vines and rising above merely surviving in the jungle of life.

And how does Jane live and operate in the jungle of life? She is excited about understanding who she is and what her purpose is in life. She is connected to the Great Spirit of the Universe and supports other women as they strive for their dreams and empowered, fulfilled lives. She believes in women as a group and their great potential to transform the world in which we live.

Jane’s four philosophies for navigating the jungle are:

1. Know Thyself,

2. Think Big, Play Big

3. Silence the Inner Critic; and

4. Thrive on Support.

These philosophies will continue to awaken you to who you are, the future you are creating, and ensure living a life you love. The following stories and examples that I share throughout this book are intended to demonstrate how to apply the four philosophies to continually create your dreams powerfully and experience a fulfilling life now in the moment to moment life that we all live!

Know Thyself, Philosophy 1

Jane Sings

Growing up I remember my Mom singing when she was happy. For those of you who’ve heard me do the "Jane in the Jungle call"... you can thank my Mom for that one. I loved it when my Mom was happy and I loved sitting in the bar stool at the Kitchen counter while she cooked and singing with her "Rain Drops Are Falling on My Head." Also on occasion Mom would go totally operatic and belt out that song "What’s it All About Alfie", and I’m pretty sure it was one of her personal favorites! That feeling or experience of her singing operatically that song is available to me as a full body memory at any time that I recall it. I believe she really meant it, she certainly sang it like she meant it.

What is it all about? Mom role modeled and taught me the concept of authenticity. She was very introspective and actually ahead of her time in that respect for back in those days. What is it all about incudes your life and who you really are? Knowing who you are isn’t about your dress size, your age, whether you’re tall or short, or whether you’re outwardly sexy, internally sensuous, or just how big or small your but is. It isn’t about what you own, what you drive, who you marry and the many peripheral things we have or with which we would love to have. Neither is it about all that programing by society, your family or your past traumas and dramas. To add to that, who you are is not tied to your current life circumstances.

Knowing thyself is not about further defining or analyzing yourself at the level of human personality. The most radical and contrary to popular belief is the idea, knowing thyself has absolutely nothing to do with relating to yourself as your past. Knowing who you are comes from deep within you and your connection to all things: humanity, nature, a higher power, and the universe. It is the art of understanding and working with your humanity in relationship to your higher self. It is the discovery of who you are when all else falls away? Beauty, youth, health, and wealth can all change. When it gets right down to it, who is the unchangeable you? What empowers you to be you? In part, it is acceptance of all of the imperfections that make us human. A big aspect of knowing who you are is acceptance that we are imperfect. Perfectly imperfect, at your core, who you are is whole, perfect, and complete.

Most of us, if not all of us, start out in our youth with an expanded state of wonderment about fulfilling some type of big dream in our futures. We learn about ourselves and life along the way, and we develop tools to deal with life’s circumstances. Our parents and others may teach us these tools, or we may not learn them at all. In either case as humans we make early decisions about how life is, we begin to adapt. We have many decisive moments about how we think life is, including how we think life is "supposed to be." Most of the decisions we make about life become “survival tools” for dealing with life. Simply put we form perceptions about ourselves and life and go on to live our lives as if our perceptions are the truth and live life according to them. Some of us never stop to examine our beliefs and how they have become a filter which we view ourselves, our lives, and our choices, including the potential limitations we bump up against.

My intention in sharing my journey with you is to illustrate how our perceptions influence how we live our lives in the present moment. Your perceptions of life, yourself, and others create ways of being that govern the actions you take or don’t take and the results you get or don’t get in your life. In reality you can alter your perceptions in one second by shining a light on the blind spots. Shining a light on decisions you made about life that come in the form of promises you made to yourself, that then altered how you view yourself and life, and from there ways of being are created in your life. As my greatest teachers taught me, there is what you intellectually want to believe and then there is what you truly believe. It is those underlying beliefs that are governing our lives and so many of which are formed early on and then forgotten.

Awakening in the jungle has been an adventure that has humbled me and taught me so much. I have learned through participating and engaging in experiential workshops how to distinguish blind spots and ways of being which impose limitations to growing, prospering, and creating. As I have been able to see these resistances for what they really are, I’ve been released from my past bit by bit and freed to create myself authentically and powerfully from my original form; that of limitless being, from the inside out. And it ain’t over, as they say, "we are works in progress." For every course I’ve been involved in since my 20’s I’ve gotten some kind of license, leadership position or certification in the course. I want a world in which human-beings understand they create their reality. Why...? Because that is the kind of world I want to live in and it is also the kind of world I want future generations to have the opportunity to live in.

As with anything truly transformative, it takes courage to deal with some uncomfortable insights along the way. The really good news in the ongoing journey of "know thyself", is the freedom, joy and connectedness that enlightenment ultimately provides. I consider myself beyond blessed to share my journey to my higher self with people who share the same enthusiasm and aspire to living a life that is extraordinary and being about something bigger than themselves. I invite you to explore your perceptions within your life as I share the many stories of mine and others I’ve worked with through-out this wild and wooly jungle adventure.

In this first philosophy we’ll be covering the two very distinct aspects of Human and Being. As in the Art of Being Human. None of us were REALLY taught this major important aspect of life and I have to say it is the most difficult of the four philosophies for me to write about and articulate. Having said that, my leadership vision is for every boy and girl in the world is being taught the art of being human or what it means to be a human being as a life skill growing up at home with their parents and as part of their school education. So here we go.... together, Ahhhhhhh, Ahhh, Ahhh, Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.Swinging High in the Jungle

Swinging High in the Jungle

I said I’d been certified to lead and/or been licensed in every course I’ve participated in and that is not exactly the case when it comes to my experience in Alcoholics Anonymous. My experiential hands on training at the age of 24 when I got sober had only one cost of membership and that was in working the 12 steps of the program. The education in life skills in the working the 12 steps of the program are priceless, so much so that there are at least 25 different programs that have sprung up out of the original program of AA. So while this book is not aimed primarily to people in recovery necessarily, it does include stories of recovery, mine and others whose lives I’ve been touched by.

A popular saying around the rooms of many 12 step recovery programs is “You are a Spiritual Being Having a Human Experience”. This simple and short saying is counter intuitive because the way we actually live is; human first and working on having a spiritual experience. I remember the first time I heard this and how it permeated through me from head to toe and rang true to me at my core, as it still does to this day. As a race we human beings may understand this concept intellectually and even embrace it, yet we have very little access to the totality of what this truly makes available to us. Just so we’re clear I am referring to modern times and modern society. I suspect ancient and tribal life had and has more of balance with Human and Being.

Not only are we spiritual beings, we are creative Beings. Again a great concept, yet how many people get the totality of what that actually means and how it actually plays out, including our ability to tap into and exercise this kind of power? This concept is out right overlooked or in some cases looked down upon by many religions. As in what do you mean you are a creator? God created you and is the creator of everything. As creative Beings we have multiple “ways of being” that we move in and out of throughout our human lives, most of which are almost accidental and very few are deliberate as in creating a way of being and knowing you created that way of being as well as your ability to dis-create ways of being when it behooves you.

I was working with this powerhouse woman traveling and delivering presentations across the united states at Women’s Conferences. When I first met her and the first couple of years of working with her I noticed an aspect of her and her personal life that was not nearly as powerful as she was being in her professional life. She was in an unhappy marriage that was a tremendous amount of work for her to hold it together.

Her husband was super controlling and called her a lot while we would be traveling together. When I would meet up with her at various airports to work together she was dressed very conservative and had a very conservative hair style. I remember one time when we were traveling for a week in California I would invite her to go for walks and such in the evenings. Her answer to my invitation was that she’d promised her husband she would go straight to her hotel room, lock the door, call him to check in and then stay put for the remainder of the evening.

Sometimes it would be a month or more between times we would work and travel together so we would have catching up to do on each other’s lives, as we did form a pretty close friendship over the years. I will never ever forget the one particular trip when she showed up and was very upset with her husband. He had gone out and bought a Harley Davidson and didn’t bother to tell her he was going to make this huge purchase. She was so upset so what did he do, he went back to the Harley place and bought her one as well.

Turned out my friend slash colleague fell in love with riding her Harley and she proceeded to take on a whole new way of being out of her Harley experience. She went on a diet and lost a bunch of weight, cut her hair into a sassy hairdo and started showing up for our trips dressed in Harley spaghetti strap shirts and tight jeans, which she would wear all week when we would travel from one city to another in route to where we would be next presenting at a Women’s Conference. Her new way of being transformed so drastically that within a year she left and divorced that husband who was controlling and abusive.

I love this story because not only is it a fun story and exciting for her, it also so totally demonstrates a Way of Being that literally got created out of an experiential exercise called “riding a Harley”. It did not occur out of my friend sitting down and reading about what it’s like to be liberated by buying and driving a Harley for a period of time. She actually rode a Harley around and experientially created a new way of being out of the experience of riding that slick high powered vibrating sex machine. Then her actions began to naturally alter as well, such as new hairdo, skinny sexy body and divorcing a guy who by default liberated his wife from his control. As human beings we are meant to evolve and create ourselves at the level of being.

There is such a huge host of beliefs and cultural influences such as gender, race, and socioeconomic status that children are born into. A child’s interpretation of his or her experiences becomes reality for them; their perception becomes their truth. That includes the promises a child makes to themselves in response to experiences, as in, “I’ll never __________________.” As we are growing up and forming various ways of being, particularly the ones that are in reaction to some promise born out of resisted experiences we’ve had, these ways of being then govern our thoughts and behaviors all on their own. The ways of being become part of our consciousness and operate in the background. Then as we live our lives we gather more and more evidence that validates our reality about who we are and who we aren’t. Then to Know thyself becomes about defining ourselves by our strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, opinions and our idiosyncrasies. As time progresses and more life experiences re-enforce our viewpoints of ourselves and life, we say things like, “I’m good at that, I’m bad at that, I like this, I hate that etc.”. Soon we attribute our past experiences of people and the world, including all of our deductions as great wisdom.

You will notice in your own life and in the lives of others when something really drastic takes place and suddenly there is a huge shift in yourself or others. Such as becoming a parent and the complete transformation that follows. The being of parent usually comes with some very distinct qualities. Such as suddenly you appreciate your parents and also want to be their friends, sharing the joy of the new born family member. The being of parent is so strong that when I meet someone for the first time and after interacting with them for a few hours, I can almost always tell if they are a parent or not.

When we are speaking of knowing thyself in this book we are actually saying all the things you think you are, are in fact, not who you really are, nothing is FIXED as in factual. They are ways of being which YOU created and some of which serve you and some of which do not. Those ways of being also are what have you communicate the way you do. For example, if I say I’m shy, the being of shy plays out as not feeling comfortable around people and the non-action that follows is being extremely suppressed. Then the being of shy will get re-enforced with an assumption of low self-esteem, and so the snow ball effect takes place with an accumulation of experiences that diminished self-esteem and re-enforce shyness. I use to be painfully shy and for me it was so professionally constrictive that I knew I wasn’t going anywhere in life until I had a breakthrough in that way of being. For those of you who need a major breakthrough with shyness, more on this in the 3rd philosophy, Silence the Inner Critic.

We’ve all had experiences of having dreams as children of what might be possible for us. Some places along our paths, we inevitably get stuck or stopped and sometimes forget our dreams or give up on creating our dreams. At points in our life we are sure to lose our vision of what could be and what actually is possible. Life then becomes about proving something to ourselves, or giving up, or getting approval rather than about an authentic pursuit of our life’s purpose being fulfilled. Many times it looks like settling for life, as in, if this is as good as it gets in this area of life, it’s ok, because this other area of life has turned out really well. It can look like an either/or proposition, “well, I’m not good at self-promoting but at least I’m not a pompous ass”, or I may not be rich but at least I’m not exploiting people, or I’m generous to a fault but at least I’m not stingy, and so on, and so on.

One example I share is how I became a rebellious teenager and that way of being quite naturally came with certain behaviors, actions and non-actions. My example is on the extreme side which is helpful in making a point. If you were ever a rebellious teenager or a have parented one, you will relate to my story first hand. If you’ve never had to deal with this type of circumstance, first of all, you don’t know what you’ve been missing, and secondly, stay with me as I make a very important point. Once I’d defaulted into a rebellious way of being, I made life a real ride for my parents and myself. I had lost my way, and I was angry at my parents—who I’d become totally at odds with. I was clearly on the path to the possibility of ruing my future, including a possible early death.

I was pretending I was a party girl and loving being wild, covering up that I hated life and was extremely hard on myself. The dream and I drowned in drugs and alcohol. I often had moments of losing my will to live and considering suicide. I’d have these huge crying fits and would tell my mom I hated myself and I wanted to die. Before the wild teenager came into being, Mom would tell me I was being dramatic and to stop it. Once the full on rebellious way of being and acting out got going, it began to get her attention and as her concern grew for my well-being she took action.

Mom sent me to a counselor named Fred, who was actually a man of the cloth who had parted from the church to develop a private practice He was an absolute angel on earth. He was patient and listened intently to what I had to say and validated me and my experiences. His non-judgmental way made me feel totally accepted just the way I was. Thoughtful in the way he spoke to me, I began to listen to what he had to say. There was nothing to resist or rebel against. I began to view him as a Godsend. Fred introduced to me my first experiential exercise, and I’ve been sold on these types of learning experiences ever since.

One day during a one on one counseling session Fred instructed me in what was to be my very first of many experiential exercises. He said to me, “Kelly, we are going to switch places.” As he got up from his chair, he instructed me to come over and sit in his chair. He went and sat where I had been sitting on the couch and said to me, “OK, now I’m Kelly, and you are Fred. Tell me what you think about me, Kelly.” The first time I answered, I said all the critical things I thought about myself and that I assumed he thought about me, such as, “I think you’re a spoiled brat, you’re not trying hard enough, you’re stupid, you’re lazy,” and so on... (these are all ways of being) Fred stopped me and insisted, “No, try again. I am Kelly, and you are Fred, tell me what you think about me?” After trying it a few more times, with him interrupting me and correcting me, I finally got it. My viewpoint completely switched, and all of a sudden I was Fred looking across the room at Kelly. What I said from the viewpoint of Fred was, “I really like you; you’re really smart, you’re cute, you’re caring and fun, I think you’re really great!” (again, notice these are all ways of being)

To this day, I believe that original change of viewpoint where he guided me to being loving towards myself, literally shifting who I was for myself, very possibly saved my life. You see he could have told me all day long every day how great I was, and he had on occasion attempted to convince me of my greatness. It just doesn’t work that way because I had a viewpoint of myself and it was in my blind spot. He could see what my blind spot was and then had the challenge of getting me to see it for myself and thereby having a choice about shifting my perspective. I am sure that initial shift In who I was for myself was a big factor in my getting sober at such a young age.

Another profound paradigm shift for me was on an Avatar Course when I was having a pretty big upset with the boyfriend I was taking the course with. He was paying way too much attention to a woman on the course who was quite beautiful and very seductive. Energetically speaking, they had quit an exchange going on, if you know what I mean. I went to the Course Leader and issued my complaint as a huge distraction and also requested the leader correct this woman’s need for my man’s attention. My complaint contained a very strong viewpoint of; men are just the way they are, and talking to him about it would just cause me to be humiliated by the way men dismiss women by calling them jealous. The leader looked up at me a said, “Kelly, speak to him at the level of being and you can’t go wrong as there is no gender at the level of being”. PROFOUND!!! I’ve never been the same since.

Literally at the level of being there is not only no gender, there’s nothing in as far as humans define our-selves. The art of Knowing Thyself is truly getting for yourself over and over again and again the experience of yourself as a spiritual being having a human experience. The art of knowing thyself is the deliberate creation of your life purpose and enjoying the pursuit of it, including what it takes to remove the blocks, as in your default ways of being you’ve created. It’s getting you are a creative being and you can create ways of being that go beyond your wildest imagine. It is the great realization that life is Journey, rather than living as if there’s a place you have to get or something you need to fix. To know yourself as who you really are is limitless being, the possibility of possibility, whole perfect and complete.