Iritzebah’s head jerked up from the almost fully translated manuscript. No, it couldn’t be she thought then cocked her head to get a better angle on the sound. The orb illuminating the manuscript dimmed slightly from her distraction.
“You’ve got to be kidding me?” she whispered and stood up from the battered table cobbled together from lumber pilfered from the mine. She strode over to the steamer trunk and fished out the iron chains she hadn’t used in over 85 years and headed out of her crypt built into a tunnel spur within the abandoned silver mine. She picked her way through the partially collapsed tunnel that led into the cemetery and only got within the boundary of the cemetery when she heard Jeff come her way. She shook her head in mild consternation at his nosiness and continued to the previously empty grave. He arrived while she peered at the contents and considered the implications of this unexpected visitor.
“What’s so interesting in that empty crypt, Iritzebah? Someone finished that guy off long ago. If you’re hungry I could find you something.” Jeff looked over her shoulder. “What the hell?” he blurted at the man in the coffin.
Iritzebah reluctantly turned around because she would have to see his road burned face that left half his face with bone showing through his forehead, cheek bone, and chin when he crashed his motorcycle into an elk. “It’s a vampire,” she answered and turned back to pull it out of the empty coffin.
“A vampire?” Jeff bumped into her as he leaned in closer. Iritzebah slammed her elbow into his solar plexus and he stumbled out of her space.
“Yes, a vampire.” She gave the inert body another good yank out of the smashed coffin and as he fell to her feet she heard keys jingle. She dug them out of the front pocket and tossed them to Jeff. “How about you take care of his car and tell the others there’ll be a picnic tonight in the valley. I’ll explain then,” she said as he peered around her one last time to get a look at the vampire before he disappeared down the tunnel. With Jeff gone she hefted the large coil of iron chain and bound the vampire.
Back up top, some of the others sat out in the woods just shy of the cemetery. Michael, an older man tried to perk up Alice who picked leaves apart in her lap. Claudia, a victim of an ex-boyfriend, stared up through the late summer branches at the faintly pink early morning sky. Samuel, a road construction crew accident victim sat off to the side.
“They haven’t dug any plots,” Claudia noted disgustedly.
“We should just leave,” Michael suggested.
“Easy for you to say. You don’t have family here,” Alice replied sharply. “You can just go back to Colorado Springs.”
“I wish I could but it’s not like I can just walk down the highway back there.” Michael waved towards the deep gashes to his face and neck.
“From what I hear that’s your fault.” Claudia peered over at him. “That ladder was on a rail. How far did you lean over to make it knock all that stuff down and then you crash through the plate glass window?”
“Knocking the clay whiskey jug off the shelf that killed me,” Alice said bitterly.
“And cause a bus to swerve that crashed through the bridge killing all the retirees who had come up to gamble,” Samuel finished.
Michael shrugged. “I was just reaching for something.”
“You could have moved the ladder,” Alice countered.
“You were there. I didn’t want to ask you to move since you looked like you might buy something.”
“More likely you were looking down her blouse.” Claudia laughed and shoved his shoulder. Michael glanced away when Alice looked up.
“Oh my god, you were!” Claudia crowed. “You died getting a look at a girl’s boobs?”
“You asshole!” Alice yelled and got up to leave as Jeff stepped into the clearing.
“Hey what’s going on,” Jeff asked confused by the air of hostility emanating from Alice.
“Well, we just found out Michael killed Alice trying to get a look at her tits. Otherwise, nothing going on,” Claudia replied and rolled onto her stomach and continued to tear up dead leaves where Alice had left off.
“Seriously?” Jeff asked Michael.
“It was an accident!”
“Okay, well hey, I’ve got news,” Jeff stepped back from his vehemence.
“Wonderful, what?” Claudia patted the ground next to her and Alice resentfully sat back down.
“He needs to go. I don’t care how banged up he is!” Alice whispered and Claudia nodded vaguely. Jeff glanced over at them and continued.
“There’s a vampire in the cemetery.”
Everyone stopped talking and stared at him.
“Those things exist?” Michael asked astounded.
“Well, we do,” Claudia replied, and sat up intrigued. “Why not?”
Suddenly a small geyser of soil erupted in front of them and Floyd, the old miner who died in a mining collapse before any of their grandparents were born, burst out of the soil with his wide brim hat securely in place.
“Lower your damn voices,” he snarled and shook the dirt from his beard. “I can hear you clear across the cemetery.”
Jeff lowered his head to Floyd’s face and whispered, “Did you hear then, Iritzebah’s caught a vampire. Iritzebah’s got him wrapped up in chain ready to for tonight.”
“A vampire you say? Well, you kids are in for some good eatin’ tonight,” Floyd said thoughtfully. “It’s been a right many years since we’ve had one of them varmints around here.”
“Good eating?” Claudia whispered in revulsion. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Nah, we aren’t eating him,” she said shaking her head. Alice glanced over and gave a shake of her head too.
“Yeah, I can’t see us eating one,” Samuel echoed with a grimace.
“Maybe we’ll just burn it,” Jeff offered. Everyone but Floyd nodded their assent to that conclusion.
“Nope, you’re wrong on that count. Iritzebah won’t waste good vampire meat by just burning it.” Floyd shook his head with a laugh. “Enjoy your meal tonight, and keep your damn voices down in the meantime,” he said with a softer snarl and disappeared again with the soil looking no more disturbed than before he appeared.
“He’s pulling our legs,” Michael muttered.
“He has been around here longer than us,” Alice ventured.
“Well, I guess we’ll see tonight, but in the meantime.” Jeff pulled out the car keys and jingled them. “Who’s up for a ride?”
Claudia snatched for the key ring but Jeff yanked it away, “Where’d you get those?”
“Told you, the vampire,” Jeff replied in his best Christopher Lee voice. “She wants me to move the car so who wants to go?”
Alice rounded on Michael, “You wanted to leave asshole, so here’s your chance to go back to Colorado Springs.”
“Fine, let’s go to Colorado Springs then. You can drop me off at the first cemetery you see,” he snapped back at her.
“Uh, I don’t think we should try the highway in broad daylight,” Jeff cautioned.
“Yeah, could you see us getting pulled over by a cop?” Claudia said with a laugh pointing to Jeff and Michael. “They’d wonder how they missed that car accident!”