Chapter 1

                Here he was again, in the hard uncomfortable chair in the back row. At least he thought people thought they were hard and uncomfortable, he heard people say things like that right? He didn’t really feel anything anymore, couldn’t remember the last time he could, just numbness now. Hands were cold and clammy all the time, like the rest of his body. He listened to the guy drone on, something about being addicted to whatever, that was what they all we’re here for after all. He wasn’t paying to much attention though, too busy thinking about his own addiction, why he came here, and what it was all for. Should be talk tonight? What should he say? Was he really addicted if it was his nature? If he asked that last one the head of the group would say something about fighting his compulsions for the better of the human race. Fhhh, humans, whatever. He was doing good though, hadn’t had a fix in over 3 years. The compulsion was there though, always was, in the very back of his mind at the very least. The guy stopped talking and he started clapping with the rest of the people in the group because apparently that’s what you’re supposed to do. So he did. Not that he even really listened to what the guy said. Not that he could very well with one ear.

                “All right, let’s give a hand for Marcus, that was a very nice share, very good” said the happy cheery guy who lead the group. He couldn’t remember his name, didn’t know any of the people around him either though he had been coming here for almost a year. “All right, would anyone else like to share?” No one raised their hands, no one stood up, Virgil took a deep breath and sighed, a musty dusty sigh. When was the last time he even took a breath? He raised his hand. “Ah, yes, I think you’ve been coming here quite a while now and we haven’t heard anything from you, finally found your guts huh?” A few people chuckled at the lame joke, Virgil rolled his eyes, or would have if they wouldn’t have rolled out of his skull if he did. Which had happened a few times, slightly embarrassing, and pretty inconvenient. He’d learned his lesson though and instead rolled his mind’s eyes. He sighed again, more dust, and stood up and walked to the front.

                “Hi everyone, my names Virgil Mead…” Pause.

                “Hi Virgil.” they all said in unison.

“... and I’m addicted to braaaaaains.” The last word coming out in a slow moan. It always came out like that, for all zombies, they couldn’t say brains any other way. He’d tried many times, always came out the same.

                Everyone nodded, the kind of nod that said no shit. He saw one of the vampires roll their eyes, lucky bastard, heard another zombie’s spine creak and crack as he needed, sounded like he was in pretty bad shape. “I got out of prison a few years ago, go caught with a few illegal brains with no memory of where i had gotten them, but apparently one was still being used before i got my hands on it. Did 3 life sentences for that.” Two hundred and fifty years in total, ever since zombies, vampires, and werewolves showed up life in prison now had a number attached to it. “Safe to say after that i went straight, had a couple small relapses but hey, that’s what this is for right? The support helps.” That was a lie, he just didn’t want to go through the hassle and bullshit of the legal system again. How can you lock someone up, or something, for following it’s instincts, like locking a dog up for chasing a cat. Dogs chase cats. Zombies chase brains. No use fighting the system though, humans were still the majority, still had the most rights and privileges, and were really attached to their brains. God were they hard to pull out. Plus they were actually still “living”.

                “I’ve been able to get job working the graveyard shift at a McDonald’s and I’m doing pretty good, haven’t had a real braaaaaain in about 3 years now, staying strong, staying clear of bad influences” not true, his friend Gabriel was a pretty bad influence, they evened each other out though, more or less. “It’s a little though, kind of a struggle, but it’s one i can win.” Yeah, yeah, sappy hopeful ending just like they wanted, so dumb. He didn’t know why he came here if he didn’t care. When they finally realized he was done they clapped a little.

                “Very nice Virgil, very nice, hope we’ll be hearing more from you now.” Yeah, not if he could help it. “OK, who’s next”? The rest of the night droned on. A vampire who had robbed a blood band, real original. A werewolf who had recently given into the animal, almost killed his girlfriend, on probation or something, never heard that one before. And then the festivities were over, unless you counted the lackluster refreshments, Virgil didn’t, so he shuffled out the door and started to head home. He wore some old faded ripped jeans, he hadn’t bought them that way, an old shirt of a band he didn’t know, and a hoodie zipped half-way up. It was a cold night judging by the people he passed, all bundled up. Unlike them his wardrobe never changed, one of the benefits of not being able to feel, being undead had it’s perks, at least that’s what he told himself. He of course did have feelings, there was a fundamental difference between the two, some people didn’t get the difference though. But yes, zombies did have feelings, once they got over the shock of being alive again and started acting like humans again. After that was figured out it took humans FOREVER to forgive them for all the brain eating. But they eventually got over it, though with a lot less OZ’s, original zombies, the kind that rose from the dead when whatever it was that happened happened. It wasn’t permanent, so it’s not like everyone never dies, though there were multiple ways to avoid death now a days.  Last Virgil heard there were only around a million OZ’s left, not a whole lot when you think of all the people that had died and hadn’t completely decomposed yet when the thing happened. It had been about six hundred years since it had happened. Virgil was lucky he was still alive, or undead rather. Lucky he died the day before it happened so he was able to keep himself in pretty good shape. No missing limbs, most of his flesh still on his body, better shape than a lot of other OZ’s. Had a few bullet holes from before he came to his senses but none where it mattered, his head was still completely intact.

                He passed a few people on his way home, most giving him a dirty look, some staying as far from him as possible. One mother and child even completely crossing the street to avoid him. He walked up the steps to his house which was only a few blocks away from the community center where the meetings were held.  It was small and old, probably close to however old he was,  and small enough that his kitchenette and living room were basically a kitchen where the TV and couch just so happened to reside. Then there was a room with a bed, mattress anyway, and dresser with what few clothes he had and a small bathroom and that was it. He opened the door and walked in, thought he’d have something to eat, just relax a little before he had to go to work.

                The graveyard shift at McDonald’s had taken on a whole new meaning. There was a new menu, brain burgers, blood shakes, most things cooked as little as possible, safe to say no humans showed up, at least not often. Man, special order we’re a pain. Vampires, werewolves and zombies were the usual customers after 11PM now a days. All the blood and brains were of course the artificial stuff, the real stuff was illegal, or insanely expensive if you went through the legal channels.

                He opened the fridge and pulled the plastic wrap off of a synth-brain, like those pre made sandwiches at gas stations, took a bite and flopped down on the couch and flipped the TV on.  He flipped through the channels as he took another bite of the synthbrain and settled on a rerun of a zombie sitcom. The guys arm fell off and someone made a joke, laugh track played. Wasn’t really funny, didn’t interest him. Then there was a really quick knock on the door, machine gun fire of a knock, and without an answer from Virgil the door opened.

                “Hey Gabe.” Virgil said without looking, taking another bite, still watching the TV.

                “Virgil, what’s up my man, how you doing?”

                “Undead and loving it, you know, the usual.”

Gabe stood and watched the sitcom for a moment, twitching a little, more fidgeting really, Gabe could never stand still, especially when he hadn’t had any blood in a while, synthetic or otherwise.

                “Hey man, you look parched, I grabbed some Crimson Tide for you, go ahead and have one.”

                “Awesome, thank.”

Gabe went and grabbed on of the blood beers from the fridge, Virgil always tried to keep some around for Gabe, thirsty vampires could get very cranky. The blood beer helped put a little variety in the fridge too, brains and blood were the only thing in there, both synthetic sadly. Gabe popped the top off and took a sip “Ahh, thanks man, you know what I like.”

                “No problem, I try.” Virgil said before taking another bite of brains. With that Gabe sat down on the couch. He was dressed in a very similar fashion to Virgil, jeans, t-shirt, hoodie, no need to bundle up when you’re always cold. He was tall and skinny, light brown hair cut short, now covered by the beanie he was wearing, and like all vampires, unnaturally pale, though his green eyes showed some spark of like, or maybe a spark of mischief, Virgil could never tell. Most likely the later.

                “So. Why are you watching this shit?”

                “I dunno, it was on, something to do before work, I gotta leave in about an hour.”

                “Lame. Why don’t you play your X-Cube, we could get one or two rounds of Halo multiplayer in.” Gabe looked for the controllers and didn’t see them, or the console.

                “Where is your X-Cube?” Gabe asked puzzled.

                “I sold it.”

                “What? Why!?”

Virgil took another bite of brains and held up his right hand in answer.

                “Aw man, when did you lose your thumb?”

                “The other day, just fell right off. I was walking down the street and pop! There it goes, down the drain, right into the sewer.”

                “Why haven’t you gotten another one?”

                “Do you want to lend me the five hundred bucks it cost to replace a thumb? I only got three hundred for the X-Cube and I needed that for rent and I’m not oweing my evil blood sucker of a land lord anything.”

                “Yeah, Dave’s the kind of vampire who gives us a bad name.”As if they were the ones in the sitcom the laugh tracked played at some joke on the show. “Well, that really sucks.”

                “Yeah, and you would know.” Virgil said and the laugh track played again. He noticed it and threw Gabe the remote who started flipping and settled on Law and Order: Supernatural Crimes Unit.

                “Well if I come across any thumbs I’ll let you know.”

                “Thanks.” Virgil said, not really expecting anything, you didn’t just find thumbs walking down the street. Virgil sighed. Now that he thought about it his body was getting pretty worn down, all those video games obviously didn’t help his thumbs any either. He never did get the toes that he lost when he was in prison replaced. They said whatever you had on the way in you’d have on the way out but that only applied to the big stuff. He didn’t even know how he lost them. He just got up one morning after a months long rest and they were gone. He suspected his cellmate but could never prove anything. Guy wasn’t even a zombie, so Virgil had no idea what he could have used them for. Probably some weird voodoo shit or something like that. Lost an arm too, but that was important and visible enough that it had to be fixed. He wished they hadn’t found the original one though, after it was reattached he couldn’t look at it for weeks. Didn’t want to think about what the other inmates had used it for, made his skin crawl more than usual when he thought about it.

                “Be right back.” Virgil got up and went to put his work shirt on, came back and watched the rest of the show, something about a vampire making it look like a werewolf did the crime, he finished his brain and turned the TV off. “Want to walk with me on my way to work? Or do you have stuff to do?”             

                Gabe though for a second “Nah, I’ll come, maybe go to one of the clubs over there, any chance I can get a shake too?” He drained the rest of his beer and put the bottle with the others that had accumulated on top of the counter, carefully placing it on the fourth row of his five row pyramid. “Don’t get rid of those till I finish.” He added as he walked out the door behind Virgil.

                “Yeah, that’s fine, just fill my whole counter with empty beer bottles why don’t you.”

                “Thanks for the offer but I feel that would be terribly rude of me, I’ll let you know if I ever decided to go for the record though.”

                “I’ll hold my breath.”

 

Some Exposition

                With the three hundred something years that had passed between when what happened happened and now you’d probably think things would have progressed further, that there’d at least be flying cars, or computers in your brain, or other futurey shit like that but you’d have thought wrong. Humans we’re a little preoccupied with the years battling the brain eating, unenlightened zombies horde to think about that stuff. And then vampires and werewolves decided it was safe to come out of the closet, some figuratively, others literally. The world was going some pretty big social changes. Plus basically all scientific research shifted to studying these once though make believe creatures, so it’s understandable that humans became a tiny bit distracted and stopped caring about the next iPhone, which we’re getting a tiny bit ridiculous. Who needs a phone with 4 screens and a self destruct button? Honestly the raising of the undead by whatever did it and the discovery of vampires and werewolves probably single handedly stopped Terminator from happening.

                And there were some other creatures that showed up too but not in the same numbers as zombies, werewolves, and vampires. After zombies started kicking around people got to creating Frankenstein’s Monster type deals , so there’s some of them. Trolls still have a weird bridge fetish. Leprechauns, fairies, and elves are said to be seen every once in awhile but pretty much stick to themselves in forests and other wildernesses, chupacabra, actually crazy feral jungle leprechauns. Witches and wizards, magic actually turned out to be just the manipulation of the existing forces of nature, can’t do every crazy thing but they can make things disappear and levitate and shit.

                But, and lets make this perfectly clear, there are no Sasquatches. No abominable snowman, so yeti, no Bigfoot. No abnormally big footed, freakishly tall, hairy bipedal humanoids. None.

Chapter 2

                “I don’t know man, I hear there’s some pretty freaky chicks out there nowadays. And not only are you in perfectly good shape, but you’re an OZ, chicks dig that.” Gabe said as they walked into the McDonald’s.

                “Gabe, I’m not having this discussion with you again. I’d probably break something in the process, and you know perfectly well zombie …. equipment doesn’t work.” The place was eerily quiet besides there conversation. This time of night it normally was, just after all the humans went home and right before all the Abby’s came out. Abnormals that is, Abbys for short.

                “Man, you always use that excuse, that’s why they make that stuff, what’s it called... Rigamortis. ’Makes you as stiff as your suppose to be.’ At least that’s what the commercials say.” Virgil ignored him and walked behind the counter. Sam was already there behind the register.

                “Hey Sam, what’s up?” Virgil asked as he clocked in. Sam was another zombie. Zombies always worked the registers. They may not be pretty but it was figured out pretty quickly that no one wanted zombie parts in their food. There was a lawsuit one time when someone didn’t notice their finger fall off into the fryer. And when the absent minded zombie accidentally leaned on the grill the smell of cooked zombie really stunk up the place. All the food handling was left to the vampires, most werewolves were too hairy.

                “Same old same old Virgil.” Sam replied, “and he’s right, sex with the human’s crazy enough to like that stuff is pretty fun. You can’t really feel anything but you sure as hell can appreciate the view.”

                “Thank you! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell him!” Gabe said leaning on the counter, stretching his arms across it and resting his chin on the counter as he said it, looking up at Virgil. Virgil risked the eye roll this time and gave an internal sigh of relief when they didn’t fall out. He turned and began to pour the milky, frothy, bloody mixture he was told to try and sell to fanged customers into a cup and put it down on the counter in front of Gabe’s nose.

                “Thank you.” Virgil sing songedly said and he picked it up and took a sip. “What do I owe ya?”

                “Nothing, just stop this trying to get me to have sex madness.”

                “Never. When do you get off?”

                “Too late to do anything, unless you just want to chill at my place, or yours.”

                “You can come over to my place, I still have my X-Cube, we could play... oh wait, no we can’t.” He wiggled his still  attached thumb at Virgil.

                “Fuck you.”

                “Well, if dude vampires are what you’re after I’d be happy to help, but I do not go that way buddy.” They both smiled, Gabe his big toothy white grin and Virgil  his yellow and occasionally absent tooth split lip snarl. “Whatever man, shut the fuck up.”

                Gabe sipped his shack in satisfaction. “Alright, see you tomorrow?” he asked as he headed for the door.

                “Yep, no meeting either so just come over whenever it’s dark enough.”

                “Alright, see yeah.” he said and left.

                “He is right, but you’re right too.” Virgil turned to look at Sam who was talking again. He was a pretty quiet guy, a cool guy, not a bad guy to work with, but quiet.

                “What’s that now?” Virgil asked.

                “You’re both right, about the sex, it is fun, but it really sucks when things fall off.”

                Virgil paused for a moment “You couldn’t have said that before he left!?”

                “I didn’t want to interrupt.”

                “Well next time do, then maybe I won’t have to have the same conversation with him every month.”

                Sam chuckled. “Will do.”