I didn’t chase writing. Writing chased me. After forty years in television, writing a book was not part of the plan. A year ago I came home from a vacation and found a giant snake in our bedroom.* Removing the snake was an epic battle which I barely survived**. I decided to share the melee in our local newspaper. The response from readers was overwhelming and before I knew it I had editors calling to ask if I was a one-hit wonder. My response was, "Yes of course, but if you’re talking about more writing then sure, I could do that."
Soon I had a regular column and discovered the absurdity of my everyday life had touched a nerve with readers. I realized those things I put in print were the same adventures my readers ran into in their everyday lives...with a few twists and turns added. I’m a hypochondriac who believes the internet was invented to check symptoms. I’m not allowed to touch power tools, but that hasn’t stopped me. Home repair is forbidden, but I’m convinced with enough duct tape and a pliers I can repair the space shuttle. I fear death and have left strict instructions if all that’s left of me is a finger my family is to keep it alive in case they find a way to attach an entire body to a living finger. My car is stocked like a bomb shelter so I can survive any incident, like being trapped in a car wash. I don’t hunt because I can’t find camouflage gear in a fabric that doesn’t itch. I fear heights, clowns, tall bridges, deep water and MRI’s (or any other tight space that makes me feel like I’m being loaded into a torpedo tube). I have children and unbelievably, they have children.
Basically, I’m all of you...just a guy driving down the road of life with a flat tire. My stories are about the adventures we face every day. They’re about urologists with big hands and inversion table assembly directions with small type. Things I wish I hadn’t eaten and ceiling fans I shouldn’t have tried to repair. Endless absurd discussions with my 89-year-old Jewish mother and innocently bad advice given to my children. If your idea of camping is venturing out as far as your longest extension cord then I’m your writer. If you think the power is shut off to a light fixture just because you turned off the wall switch, then we are on the same page. If you come along on this ride there will be laughs, tears and everything in between.
Thanks for taking the time to check out my book.
*Later photos confirmed the snake was 18 inches, but that’s not really the issue.
**Got a small carpet burn on one knee and sometimes those can get infected.