Chapter 1

The Meadow, which at one time was green and lush, was now covered with blood and bodies.  The stench of death was almost unbearable. Chloe stood for a moment in silence for her fallen comrades.  Remembering when a life like this was not even considered possible.  Remembering a world that no longer existed.  Wishing that most of humanity hadn't perished.  Wondering when death was going to claim her.

Then she saw him.  He was as pale as death himself with a familiarity that made her start.  She had heard so many stories of him.  She felt she had known this evil incarnate of a man for many moons.  Yet she felt she had a connection with him, sowed from something more than just tales of his wickedness.

He stopped the steed he was mounted upon, ten feet away from her.  With a sweep of his cape he dismounted with more grace than she had ever known another human being to possess.  His piercing blue eyes holding her gaze.  She saw such cruelty and evil in them, yet she was unable to look away or even move.  Chloe was aware he was there to end her life.  Still, as he moved closer, she was unable to flee from the spot which she stood.  He towered over her not even five foot frame.  As his enormous hand closed over her throat, he whispered one word...At that instance she recognized him, and as the life drained from her body she reached up to touch him one last time.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Fuckity, fuck, fuck fuck!"

"Oh, I hate that fucking guy." Chloe, awake now, was screaming at the top of her lungs.

"Chloe, I've asked you not to swear in this house.  I expect you to abide by my rules while you're living under my roof."  The queen mother had spoken from outside the bedroom door.

"Yes, Mom, I won't let it happen again." More softly “when you start paying the fucking bills.”

Chloe waited for her mother's footsteps to fade before she began her next tirade.

"She fucks every toupee donning, polyester wearing has-been loser around, but God forbid if I say a naughty word in her FUCKING house! What a bitch.  It's not like she doesn't partake in fucking, as a matter of fact she's the queen of it."

Chloe turned and opened her bedroom door to find Joanne Ferndale standing cross armed and glaring at her.

"Are you done now?"

"Err, umm, yeah I think so."

"Good.  And I may be easy, but I am not a bitch!"

"That's not what Uncle Lenny says.  He said you're the reason he drinks."

"You're taking the word of a man who thinks he's a leprechaun?"

"He only thinks he's a leprechaun on Wednesdays. I was talking to him on Friday.  He thinks he's Batman on Friday.  Who am I to argue with Batman?"

"You realize Batman lies about who he is, runs around in a rubber suit and lives with a really old man and a really young guy, neither of who he's related to?"

"Yeah but he's got all those cool gadgets."

"Whatever, keep up with the mouth and out come the wire hangers."

"Uhh you're going to make me hang clothes for punishment?" Chloe had no idea what her mother was talking about.

"What? No! There was this old movie actress who had this thing against wire hangers...oh never mind."

Chloe could have sworn she heard "good for nothing pain in my ass" as Ms. Ferndale, the all knowing omnipotent leader headed down the hall to her own room.  Back to bed for most of the day like usual.  All she ever did was sleep during the day and tramp around at night.  Sometimes Chloe wondered if she was switched at birth.  Her mother got laid more often in a day than Chloe had in her entire twenty-six years.  Somewhere out there she was sure there were some decent, respectable parents who had a daughter who couldn't keep her legs shut.  They would be grateful if her worst attribute was swearing. They were probably wondering if their child had been switched at birth.  Someday they would come find her and it would be a tearful reunion.  They'd all go off with their proper families and live happily ever after.  Of course, she knew her mom was her mom, but she wished sometimes, most times, that she was not.

Chloe's dad was another story.  She had never met her dad.  As a matter of fact from what her mother had told her, he was a soldier on leave from another dimension.  Chloe thought her mother had probably watched Terminator one too many times and that mental illness might just run in the family.  Joanne had said that it was love at first sight and Chloe was conceived their first night together, which knowing her mother, was two seconds after the pair had met. They spent four blissful days together until her father had to return to his own dimension to rejoin the war against a most heinous evil.  He promised, if he lived, he would return for Joanne Ferndale and take her as his bride.  He never returned and Chloe's mom spent the next twenty-seven years mourning him by sleeping with any man with a billfold larger than his brain (apparently there were quite a few). Joanne never married, she said she was holding out just in case he returned.  With all the excitement of being in love, Ms. Ferndale never found the time to ask daddy dearest what his name was.

"Bitch!"

"I heard that."

"I said rich.  How nice it would be if my wonderful mom could find a RICH man to take proper care of her.  How much she deserves that kind of happiness."

"Uhuh, don't forget to let the dog out when you go."

Chloe's life had been in an upheaval for as long as she could remember.  That's as long as she had been having the "dream." She wondered if she was being toughened up for some reason. It must have been for her incredibly, wonderful job of a customer service rep in a call center for an adult toy company.  If only she could spend the rest of her life dealing with customers who used the product then wanted their money back because it didn't feel lifelike enough...Blech.  She hated the job, always feeling dirty when she left, but the pay was good and her best friend for her entire life, Kirk, worked there as well.  She had met a few nice people there, one in particular, Cherry, had become a pretty good friend whom she could talk to about life and women problems.  So she supposed it wasn't all bad except for when she actually had to work, then it sucked.  In fact, they had some products that did actually suck...

She was twenty-six, short and single.  At least she still had her looks.  Chloe Elizabeth Ferndale with dark curly waist length hair, black eyes, and an olive complexion.  She was shorter than a New York minute, but that didn't stop her from being feisty.  She was blessed, as some would say, she would say cursed, with breasts that were much too large for her small frame and a very round bottom.  She was a very pretty girl and looked almost Greek.  Chloe was pretty sure she did not have any Greek in her, though her mom probably had had a few Greeks in her.  

Chloe loved to make fun of her mom. She had not been the best mom.  She had not even been in the top ten million of best mothers.  Though, she was not on the worst list either.  She never laid a hand on Chloe or was too strict.  Quite the contrary, she allowed her daughter to have free reign from a very young age.  As a matter of fact, the only rules her mother ever had were not swearing or spitting.  Rules which Chloe made sure to break at least once a day.  Not having intercourse until you are in a serious, committed relationship never entered into Joanne's rule book.  Her saying was "If he's got money, give him the best blow job he ever had and he'll be putty in your hands." When Chloe was eight she would blow in the face of whatever man Joanne had brought home and wait for them to turn into silly putty.   She could never figure out why it didn't happen or why the men would get so irritated with her.  If ever one raised their voice much less their hand to Chloe, that would be it for Joanne.  Out they went on their kiesters.  So at least she had some good qualities.

Work dragged on, like always.  Chloe passed the time between calls making paper clip jewelry.  Wondering how much she could sell it for at one of those online auction places.  Maybe she could start a trend.  Wearable and functional Jewelry surely would be a big seller. Fifteen minutes before her shift ended she had two bracelets, several sets of earrings, a choker, and for those adventurous types a nipple ring. She figured, with her family's history, it was good practice for when they committed her and she had to weave baskets as therapy.

Chloe was on her way to pick up Kirk after a quick shower and a bite to eat.  It was Friday and neither one of them were attached.  There was only one thing to do, go out and man watch as they rarely ended up doing more than just watching.  Cherry was married with kids and never joined them on their outings.  That was ok as she and Kirk synched so well that whenever someone else joined them it threw off the balance of things.  

Kirk was out the door as soon as she pulled in the driveway.  Dressed in jeans and the same Yankees hat he always wore, because he had a crush on one of the players.  He was brutally honest, funny, and handsome.  Almost everything she wanted in a man.  Only problem was she was not his type due to having girl parts.

Since Chloe had no siblings of her own, Kirk was a surrogate brother.  She often wondered if dad had sired any other children.  Maybe she had a few siblings kicking around in different dimensions.  She wondered if people still looked like people in different dimensions.  Were they even people?  Why was she even thinking about this at all, it's not as if that could really happen.

"Hey you!" Kirk seemed jovial, as always, this evening.

"Hey hey hey. You know you really ought to lose the hat, you have such pretty long hair, you would get more attention if you showed it off."
"The last time I went out without my hat to get attention, I had three portly, toothless, eighty year old women hanging all over me, trying to kiss me."

"They were not eighty, only two were even slightly overweight, and one of them had some teeth."

"The point is they were women."

"It was still better than my experience that night."

They both began to laugh remembering the very muscular, manly looking woman in overalls that kept trying to pull Chloe out onto the dance floor.  Chloe had decided to just dance with her for one song thinking that she would leave her alone after that, but before she knew what was happening, trucker lady had tried to put her hand up her skirt.  Chloe without thinking and punched her square in the face knocking the woman out cold.  Both she and Kirk thought the woman must have been drunker than they thought. Chloe was not known for her fighting prowess. They didn't wait around for her to come to and ran out of there as fast as they could. Her hand was red and swollen for a couple of days and she swore to try to stay away from bars where trucker ladies frequented.

The night went pretty much as she expected.  They mostly just watched without finding anyone who caught their attentions. At least there were no muscular women in overalls, though Chloe was sure she saw a few toothless ones.  The only odd thing that happened that night was she could have sworn a man in a hooded cloak had walked past her and said in a deep sensual voice "Beloved." When she turned to look at him, there was nobody there, except a few drunks doing what she could only imagine was the shuffle.  Telling Kirk about it had been a big mistake as he took to calling her beloved for the rest of the night.  

"You know it's not sexy when you say it."

"So you're saying you find imaginary men attractive then?"

"I didn't see his face so I don't know if he was attractive."
"So you imagine a dude calling you beloved and you don't bother to imagine him even having a face?"

"Shuddup."

"As you wish, beloved."

"Seriously, shut up."

After too many drinks, Kirk had to drive her home.  Luckily, the spare bedroom was always ready for him.  Since he was such a neat freak, he always cleaned up after himself when he stayed over.  Joanne didn't mind, she liked Kirk. She liked him way more than Kirk would have liked and was constantly trying to seduce him, made even more disgusting by the fact that she had known him his entire life. Kirk was always polite, but it was obvious Ms. Ferndale made him most uncomfortable.  Luckily, it was 3 a.m. and she was still out, which meant she would be staying out until the morning.

Chloe mumbled a quick goodnight and fell into bed, almost immediately falling asleep.  Dreaming again of the big asshole on the horse.  It wasn't just the fact that he was coming to kill her that got under her skin, there was something else. Something she couldn't identify.  There was something very seductive about the whole scenario, which sounded crazy as the guy was coming to end her life.  She actually found herself a bit turned on when she woke.  Turned on and very conflicted and confused.  She wished she would never have the dream again and she wished if she did, he fucked her before he killed her.

Stumbling out of bed to the kitchen, Chloe smelled coffee brewing, something Kirk insisted he "needed" in the morning. She, on the other hand, preferred cherry cola for her morning fix of caffeine.

"Merorning" she said in her brightest morning voice.

"Well merorning to you too. Just once I'd like to see you in a good mood in the morning." Kirk was as jovial as ever.  Chloe thought you could beat him up for his lunch money and run over his cat and he'd still be smiling away.  Freak.

"You have sex with a woman and I'll wake up happy, deal?"

"Grumpiness in the morning isn't so bad after all."

"Thought so."

"Now go away I'm slaying a dragon."

"Yeah, yeah, just make sure he doesn’t burn the house down."

Kirk was engrossed in one of Chloe's computer games this morning.  Usually, you could find him chatting on the internet with people he didn't even know.  Probably creepy old guys sitting on the other side of the country with their dicks in their hands.  Ewwww. This was the first time she'd actually seen him doing anything on a computer but chatting and looking at shoes.

"Kirk?"

"Huh?"

"Why aren't you chatting?"

"Well mostly because there's nobody to chat to."
"There's always somebody to chat to. "

"Not today.  I tried for over an hour...I even went on chat roulette and there was nobody."

"Why did you go on chat roulette? Err never mind don't answer that. I don't want to know."

"That doesn't matter anyways, what matters is I think the internet is broken!"

"Well don't blame me I didn't do it. Maybe you whacking your teeny penis on chat roulette scared everyone away."

"I doubt it, there's much teenier penises being whacked on there than mine. I think they all found out I had an anal bitch as a friend and don't want to talk to me."

"Hey anal is your department, not mine pal."

"Maybe if it was you could get a date."

At this point Chloe stuck her tongue out at Kirk and stomped off to take a shower.

This was their usual Saturday morning banter, minus the internet being broken.  For Chloe, the constant joking was her way of showing she cared.  She did not like showing her emotions or feeling vulnerable and Kirk knew that. There had been a few times when she had broken down and he had been there for her, which she made him swear to secrecy lest she make him a eunuch.  He'd probably still be jolly. He was the one person in the world she could count on no matter what and she loved him unconditionally.  The fact that he was gay never bothered Chloe.  She only teased him because he got such a kick out of it. If it had hurt his feelings or if his teasing her had hurt hers they would have stopped. They were both pain in the asses, but they weren't mean pain in the asses.

Chloe checked on her mom, who still was not home though it was almost noon.  Joanne had almost always made her way home by now, preferring to sleep in her own bed.  She liked the sex but not the cuddling after and usually left once she got what she wanted.  Sometimes Chloe thought her mother acted like a man in that respect.  It was good she wasn't here.  Joanne always embarrassed Chloe with how brazen she was with her come ons to Kirk.  Chloe had decided if she ever did meet a man she really liked, she'd never, ever bring him home to meet her mother, lest they wind up on one of those tell all talk shows.

She showered and dressed in jeans, a t-shirt and sneakers.  Put her long hair up in a ponytail because it was fast and easy.  She felt no need to spend hours on her appearance and could not understand women who did.  Kirk insisted she didn't need to spend any time making herself look beautiful as she was naturally that way and if it wasn't for her mouth men might not be afraid to approach her. She never felt the need to change her behavior just to attract a man either.  She was damn proud of who she was and if a man only wanted her for what she looked like he wasn't worth her time anyways.

Checking the kitchen, Chloe noticed they were out of bread and milk and butter and fruit and vegetables and any other form of sustenance.  Her mother did nothing all day, not even go to the store once in a while.  She wondered if the grocery store had a special on stiff penises if that would get her to make it out of the house before 9 p.m. Chloe was getting really tired of taking care of everything, but if she didn't, nobody would.  Joanne had always depended on her parents when they were alive to care for her and her daughter, until they died within months of each other while Chloe was in college.  This forced Chloe to put her schooling on hold for the time being and get a job to pay the bills.  Fortunately, the house was paid off and her grandfather had left a sizeable account in her name to help with things when they were gone.  Instead of dipping into the account, she was able to get the job at the call center, which paid reasonably well.  The bills were covered and she still had something to fall back on in case she needed it, and her mother could still be the lazy ass that she had always been.  Life could be worse for Chloe.

"I'm going to get some groceries." Chloe yelled to Kirk on the way out the door.  "I'm taking Elmo with me."

"Good, I don't want that damn dog pestering me every five minutes to go out, to come in, to go out, to come in...Oh and get me some smokes will you?"

"Yeah sure.  I'll be sure to get the kind that are guaranteed to blacken your lungs and kill you in only a fraction of the time of your normal brand."

"Thanks that will be great."

She hopped into her ten year old Outback, that she had bought used a few years ago.  It still ran like a top and she found no need to get anything newer.  It would just be a bill that she didn't need.  People really wasted so much money on getting the newest model.  She was just happy to be able to get to where she needed to go safely. Chloe held the door open until Elmo jumped in and hopped into the passenger seat. She noticed she needed gas and decided she would stop on her way back from the grocery store to fill up and to grab Kirk some disgusting smokes.  She figured it might be less crowded then.  As she drove Elmo hung his head out the window slobbering all over.  She loved him, but God that was gross. If there was a way to make money off of dog slobber she'd be a gazillionaire by now.

When she got to the parking lot it was deserted, which seemed strange.  There were not any cars at all.  There should at least have been employee cars.  It wasn't a holiday and the store opened at 8 a.m. so she saw no reason why there shouldn't be anyone here.  Maybe the store had had an emergency and needed to close.  She checked and the doors were locked and most of the lights off.  There was a grocery store that was open 24 hours across town so she drove to that one.  This time there were cars in the parking lot though only a few.  Wasn't Saturday a big shopping day?

With Elmo happily loafing in the passenger seat still drooling out the window, Chloe made her way into the store, where absolutely no one happened to be shopping. Not only were there no customers, but there didn't seem to be anyone actually working in the store either. She even opened the "Employees Only" door only to find an empty room.  She got a cart and walked around the store picking up what she needed and calling out every so often, getting no reply.  Chloe, who was not inclined to steal, but was even less apt to pass up a bargain, began loading up the cart with more than a week's worth of groceries.  She stopped by the deli and sliced her own sandwich meat remembering to put the guard down so she didn't chop off any fingers.  She heard that that had happened here to an employee once and they never found the tip of the finger...ewwww.  She went through the register ringing up her groceries just to see how much they came to and even used a few coupons she had in her purse.  The total came to $231.98.  She left an i.o.u. in the cash register in Kirk's name. On the way out she saw a suggestion box and decided she should really leave one.

"The price was right, too bad the service sucked. Of course, if you're going to give the stuff away for free I don't suppose you can afford to pay anyone to work for you."

After loading the groceries into the car she was off to the convenient store to fill up.  She realized she hadn't seen another car driving at all this morning.  All the better for her she thought. She pumped her gas and went in the store to pay and found nobody there.  This must be her lucky day.  Everything was free and she didn't have to deal with people, who normally irritated her.  She grabbed five cartons of cigarettes while there and some candy. She started back to the car but stopped to just listen to silence.  This was definitely beginning to bother her, just a little.  Was there an air raid or something that they had slept through?  Gosh what if there was a nuclear war going on and they didn't even know about it? She started to freak herself out a little and forced herself to stop thinking crazy.  There had to be a logical explanation for all this.  Maybe everyone just decided to sleep in today.  This was very odd.  Chloe looked around to make sure there wasn't a big asshole riding around on a horse looking for her. After a few more minutes of wondering where everyone was, she went back into the store to pay for the gas and smokes. After all they had cameras and eventually someone would come in and see them.

She decided to stop by Cherry's house to see if she knew what was going on. Elmo refused to get out and instead added more drool to both the interior and exterior of the car.  Both Cherry’s and her husband’s cars were in the driveway, the doors were unlocked, but nobody was home.  She even tried knocking on some of Cherry's neighbor's doors, but got no answer.

Chloe and Elmo headed home.  She pulled in the driveway and let Elmo out to do whatever it is he liked to do when running around outside, and walked to her neighbor's.  After getting no answer on the tenth door she knocked on, she walked home.  On the way she thought she saw a hooded figure out of the corner of here eye, but when she turned to look there was nothing there.  

"Get a grip, Chloe." Talking to herself made her feel better and it's not like anyone was around to hear her.  

"Kirk?" She said a little sheepishly as she entered the kitchen.

"Yeah?"

She ran in and hugged him "Thank GOD you're here."

"What the hell is wrong with you.  Stop that. Let go." He was squirming trying to wriggle out of her arms.

Chloe was reluctant to let go, but finally gave in to Kirk's insistence that she was hurting him.

"Wussy, can't take a little hug from a girl?"

"A little hug? That was more like a choke hold from Andre the giant. Is there a reason you're acting like a lunatic?"

Chloe explained what had happened on her outing to a disbelieving Kirk.

"What part of the story should I not believe?" Blast he knew her too well to believe everything she had told him.

"The part about bigfoot wearing a pink apron and waiting on me at the deli."

"Anything else?"

"And the part about finding Hookman's hook hanging from the car door."

"Anything else?"

“And the part where George Clooney asked me out and I told him he wasn't my type.  I mean he seems like a nice guy, but he really isn't my type."

"Fine I'll take him then, keep going."

"The part where I battled an evil warlord and then his evil minions swore their loyalty to me after I held up his bloody head reveling in my victory. They're all sitting on the front lawn now waiting for orders by the way."

"That wasn't part of the story."

"Oh, well I meant it to be.  The rest is true I swear."

"Sure. Whatever you say.  It's not like crazy doesn't run in your family or anything. By the way Uncle Lenny called and says he's coming over to see you and he thinks it might be important."

"Who was he today?"

"He said Uncle Lenny.  I thought he was a ferret on Saturdays."

"No a mongoose, but it's all semantics anyways. They're both all long and rodenty."

After she and Kirk brought in and put away the groceries he went back to playing the computer game and Chloe went and sat on the porch swing.  Elmo trotted up and lay down and went to sleep underneath her, drool pooling under his chin.  Chloe wondered if maybe she was still dreaming.  That had to be it.  So there she sat trying to will herself to wake up, but the harder she tried the more her head hurt and the more she realized that she was, in fact, wide awake. Maybe she should go back to bed and this would all go away.  She looked up and down the street, where nothing was moving, except one lone figure pushing a shopping cart lumbering towards her house.  Not the cloaked figure or even the psycho on the horse, though the image of him pushing a shopping cart down the street made her giggle, no this figure she had known all her life.

"Hi Uncle Lenny."

"Hello peanut."

Chloe noticed that the shopping cart was filled with bottles of booze and shook her head.

"Is the liquor store having a going out of business sale?"

"I don't know.  I got these from Paddy's Bar."

"You don't think you ought to take them back before Paddy puts you on his board?" The board she was referring to listed the names of all who had been banned by Paddy to never return to his fine establishment. Her favorite listing was "John O'Malley and his bastard brother too." Paddy never minced words.

"Paddy wasn't there.  Nobody was. And I know he wouldn't want your good old Uncle Lenny to be without spirits for an entire day."

"I'm sure you're right Uncle Lenny." After all she had taken the groceries, how could she be mad at him for taking the booze when nobody was there.  Though it looked like he had cleaned out the bar entirely, but it seemed like he'd need it as it was becoming a very long day.

"Uncle Lenny?"

"Yes peanut?"

"Why aren't you a rodent today?"

"Because I haven't started drinking yet today and I don’t ever think I’m not me, even though I wish I wasn’t, Chloe. You just tell people I do. Besides I have something to talk to you about and don’t have time for your silliness. Your father told me when this day came that I was supposed to give you something."

"You've been talking to my father? And what day is this? And you always have time for my silliness."

"No, I haven't talked to your father since before you were born and it's the day he said it would be."

Great Uncle Lenny may not have started drinking yet for the day but that only made him slightly less crazy.

"And what day did he say it would be?"

"Well the day that nobody was at the bar and I could take all the booze I wanted."

"He said that?"
"Well the first part."

"What was his name?"

"What was whose name?"

Chloe sighed.  

"Are you hungry? We have lots of food."

"Since your mother isn't here I guess I am."

"How did you know mom isn't here?"
"Because your father told me she wasn't going to be."
"My father told you twenty seven years ago that on the day that nobody was at the bar my mother wouldn't be home?"

"Yes and he said she wouldn't be coming home again."

"Great. Does that mean he finally came back for her and they're living happily ever after in an alternate reality?"
"No it means she's dead like almost everyone else."

Chloe thought her head hurt before, but now it was literally pounding.  She must have gotten so drunk last night she passed out and hit her head and now she was in a coma.  This was not how she imagined being in a coma would be.  She thought it would be like taking a nice long nap and then you'd wake up and not even know you were asleep.  

After Kirk made them all BLTs for lunch, Uncle Lenny insisted they go for a walk with him behind the house.  Chloe's house sat on a five acre parcel with most of it being wooded.  The house, though within the village was right at the edge. She loved it here.  Kirk and she had spent many hours in the woods playing hide and seek and building snow forts and climbing trees when they were children. Some days, especially today, she missed the simplicity of that time.  There was a trail that led to an old shed that her grandfather had forbid them to play in.  That only made them more curious to see what he was forbidding them from.  All that was in there were rusted tools and broken floor boards.  Their curiosity didn't last long and they only ever played in the shed when it was raining. The shed was exactly where Uncle Lenny wanted to go.  He had insisted she bring a crowbar and when they entered the shed, which was much more ruin and much less shed at this point, he took it from her and began to tear up the floor.  Kirk and Chloe just looked at each other and shrugged.  They figured he'd get it out of his system and they could go back to the house where it was warm.  It seemed that it had cooled down twenty degrees since Chloe had been sitting on the porch and she was shivering.  Before Uncle Lenny was finished it had begun to pour.  Great now she was cold and the roof was leaking and she was getting wet.  That was when he knelt down next to a door in the ground that had been under the floorboards.

"What in the hell..." Kirk's voice trailed off.

Chloe looked at him astonished and said "maybe we should have been a bit more curious about why grandpa was so insistent that we stay out of the shed."

Chloe was expecting a bright light when Uncle Lenny opened the door that would disintegrate them all.  She let out a sigh of relief when that didn't happen and chastised herself for watching too much television.  Instead it was just a cubby hole containing something wrapped in a cloth.  Uncle Lenny removed the object and tried to hand it to her.

"Ewww I don't want it.  There could be bugs inside of it.  Give it to Kirk to open."

"Fuck you.  I'm not touching it."

Uncle Lenny then pushed it into Chloe's hands and walked off saying something about an after lunch snack and then a nap. Chloe wanted to drop the bundle but was too curious not to open it, though she did so gingerly dropping the wrappings to the ground.  There were no bugs, but there was a dagger inside.  It was in a black leather sheath.  The handle was wrapped in black leather. She pulled it from the sheath to find the blade was black and shiny with little golden veins running through it.  She thought maybe it was marble and just some sort of decorative thing, but when she touched it, it felt like metal.  She couldn't figure out why her father would leave this to her, even though she was pretty convinced that it was just something Uncle Lenny had made up and this was probably where he kept his treasures as a kid.  It wasn't anything fancy. There were no jewels gracing the pommel.  If this was a movie it would have been encrusted with jewels.  She was a tad disappointed.  This was much less exciting than she hoped. Ok not really, she expected Uncle Lenny to tear up the floor boards and find absolutely nothing, so this was actually a bit more exciting.  

"Be careful with that before you cut off your finger" Kirk said.

"Ouch I cut my bloody finger."

"Funny."

"Want to hold it?"

"Yes, please."

Chloe handed it handle first to Kirk who wondered out loud what this could possibly be useful for as he did not think it big enough to actually kill anything before handing it back to her.

"Maybe it's for killing leprechauns."

"Don't let your uncle hear you say that. He'd high tail it out of here then we'd never find his pot of gold. Besides I'm pretty sure the only things that this is going to kill are tomatoes."

Kirk picked up the cloth that she had dropped muttering about her being a litterbug.

"Hey there's a piece of folded up parchment in here." Kirk was holding it out to her.

"What the hell is parchment anyways?"

"It's paper only it's not paper."
"Yeah that really explains it. Thanks for that."

"Glad to be of help."

Chloe took the weird paper that wasn't paper and it felt soft.  She was pretty sure parchment was wrinkly and stiff.  She wasn't sure what this was.  She was hoping it wasn’t skin. It felt like skin. Why would someone use skin to write her a note. Where did Uncle Lenny get skin? She decided she really didn’t want to think about that.  She unfolded it and looked at the words written upon it.  It was a poem.  Her brow wrinkled as she thought about what it said.

"Well what?" Said Kirk anxiously.

"There's a poem on it."

"Read it."

"Upon white steed with honeyed lips, beware one bearing gifts. Twinkling stars and black as night, thrusting home ending sight."

"Uhh that's gay."

"No you're gay this is just a poem. Also, that's a very hurtful thing to say.”

"Whatever. I’m allowed to say it. What do you think it means?"

"How the fuck should I know. And just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you can call things gay."

"Can too. Besides gay used to mean merry. Maybe you shouldn't trust Uncle Lenny!"

"I don't think a shopping cart full of booze counts as a white steed? And when did Uncle Lenny ever strike you as an eloquent talker? And you didn’t say it in the merry way."

"I can say it however I want. He did give you a gift though."
"No he said this was from my father."

"I see...you mean the one from another dimension?"

"Yep that's the one."

"I think I'm going to go have a 'snack' with Uncle Lenny.”

"Me too."

Off they went bringing the dagger and poem with them.  Chloe showed them to Uncle Lenny who just said "That's nice peanut" and continued consuming his snack, which consisted of a bottle of bourbon.

"I guess some things never change." Chloe sighed.  

"What did you say peanut?"

"I said I hope you never change Uncle Lenny."