Like the old Dungeons & Dragons cartoon meets Lost starring those kids you went to college with. Conceived 20 years ago as "My friends are awesome, we should totally go on an adventure!" gestated through adulthood into "My friends are kind of assholes, and we would’ve gotten our asses kicked." Which, turns out, is a much better story. Follow these irresponsible assholes as they’re thrust into a situation that suddenly isn’t funny and might actually kill them:

Horatio, the scribe: If he’s the main character of this story, how come he has no earthly clue what to do?

Megan, the hippie: This sounds like a bunch of responsibility and shit. Yeah, no fucking thanks, man.

Brian, the jock: He used to be in shape until he literally went to pot in college. But he’s the only one who can keep them safe.

Kevin, the goth: This was literally a dream come true... so how come it felt like a goddamn nightmare?

Sasha, the other goth: Suddenly her breakup with Caroline and subsequent self-destruction didn’t sound so bad. When could she get back to that?

Jimmy, the punk: What the fucking fuck, man? Fuck all this shit. Seriously, just.... Fuck.

Eric, the geek: Is he the only one kind of excited? Yeah, sure it was terrifying but... ummm, awesome?

Kelly, the princess: It’s all her fault. The lady in the sky said so.

-------

Dear Friends, family, random internet passersby,

First, you guys are the best.

Second, here’s some FAQs about this whole contest thing:

1) It requires you to create a login and preorder with your credit card. I’m SO sorry that’s true. But it’s a crowdfunding site, and necessary to contribute. Pre-paid credit cards are accepted for the understandably leery.

2) YOU WILL NOT BE CHARGED if I don’t win.

3) I win if I finish in the top five by September 30th (regardless of other info or deadline information listed. This is the condition of the contest through NERDIST.com, a reputable bunch).

4) To do that I need UNIQUE readers more than book sales (though those too). So having two people in your household order one, helps more (in this contest) than one person ordering three (extra thank you to those generous enough to order more).

5) The book is already written through a third draft. If you support this thing, and want, I can send you a .pdf (or preferred format) now. You could be reading it today! Just message me your email and it’s an immediate return on your potential future investment. You won’t find a better deal!*

6) Just... thanks already for the support you guys have thrown around. While unconventional, and super uncomfortable to ask for help, it’s literally dream come true stuff and it means a ton.

--M
*actual better deals not withstanding.