1 Armageddon and Agriculture
A hundred lawn chairs dotted the top of the hill. Tucked among them were kids sitting on milk crates, others on picnic blankets spread out on recently mowed grass. A baby cried an old man coughed, there was a sneeze or two, even a few whispered in hushed tones. They were supposed to be silent, that was the plan a plan practiced at nauseum, but who could be perfectly quiet at a time like this.
The forecasters had called for a warm day, exposing the charletens for the tea gazers they were. As the people sat and waited their bare, because you can’t usher in the new eon with anything between you and the earth, shivered in the unseasonably chilly air of the coming dawn. But It didn’t matter if it was a hundred degrees or ten below, they had gathered where fate had called them to be. Fate and Frank.
The sky twitched with the first signs of a new day. Stars dimmed out as the sun’s brightness crept across the ground. Sneaky in that the light reached them before the sun, the effect before the cause. As the light grew so did the tension. All eyes were on the circle of wooden poles beneath them. Every gaze was trained on the Thirteen poles, one in the center and twelve circling around it. Each ten foot six and three quarter inches high. They had raised the oaks used to make the poles from saplings. It took a decade for them to grow in the sacred groove. Planting those trees was the very first act of community. Now, over a decade later, those same trees would mark the end of it.
Suddenly, born from the light and the dark, the first and the last, the Alpha and the Omega, a shadow started to form. “Everybody begin your breathing.” The gathered mass, outside of the babies, began to breathe in unison. They had done it a million times, each day over and over, at the morning ritual, the afternoon blessing, during the time before the evening meal, at the arrival of moon ceremony, they had practiced breathing as one. Becoming one being from many, just as Frank had taught.
It was harder this morning, of course it was how could it not be? The world was about to end. “Like we practiced children,” Frank called, but still the breathing was off. The people were only slightly out of sync, but nothing could go wrong this morning. The shadow was already cast, the time of the ages was only moments away. They had to be one, so that they could stay one in the world to come. Only through transcending as one being would they be strong enough to face the tribulation that was in store for the world. No margin for error Frank had made this clear to the. “My sweet children remember that I love you, and you love me, and we are one.” Suddenly, at those gracious words of their leader, the people fell into perfect rhythm.
Homer, the farmer who owned the field across the way, was up early feeding his hogs when he happened to glance up. He normally wouldn’t have noticed the weirdos on the hill but the breathing, it was loud. He stood their squinting into the morning son at the gathered mass of humanity. Herschel shook his head in something approaching judgement, but he couldn’t look away.
In and out went the breath.
Homer,even with 80 acres of soybeans between him and them could hear the respirations.
In and out went the breath.
Homerl, even with 80 acres of soybean between him and them could feel in inspirations.
In and out went the breath.
In and out went the breath.
In and out went the breath.
The farmer transfixed now. The sun just cracking the horizon to the east of both Hershel and the people.
In and out went the breath.
235 souls inspiring and respiring together in perfect motion. A wave, an undulating sea of life up and down, in and out, all together now all as one.
In and out went the breath.
The sun rose higher, half of its glory crossing the horizon now, the shadow on the Sacred sun dial lengthening. The respirations didn’t waver even as the excitement grew amongst the people grew.
In and out went the breath.
Just moments now, just instants until all would be made new. The New Jerusalem, the New World would crash into this old one. Just moments now until hardship and perfection merged and all things changed for the terrible and for the beautiful. For the awful and the holy.
In and out went the breath.
Homer, he would deny it to all but Lisa until the day he died, but there that morning behind the people he saw it. Up in the sky for only an instant flashed a city. Fata Morgana. It hung right above their thier heads like the sword of Damocles. They didn’t notice it but the floating city seemed to move more and more into reality. It grew and thickened fed by their breath.
In and out it went, and the sun continued to rise. It rose and it rose, until eventually did what it does every day. The sun broke the horizon line. As if freed from its tether the great orb flew into the air to embark full on its daily circuit. As it did the breathing changed.
Somebody dropped out of rhythm, and then another, and then another. As they did the city in the sky faded from Homer’s view, what remained was what appeared to be wisps of smoke only vaguely looking like the great domes of a heavenly city. Homer shook his head and returned to his work.
One after another people’s breathes returned to them until the effect ultimately diminished and disappeared. Then there was silence, and then the silence was broke.
“You have got to be fucking kidding me.”
“I can’t believe this.”
“Oh this is just wonderful.”
“Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.”
“Dear God what have I done.”
Then again there was silence. Here and there where a few attempts to gather into one breath again, where it had been impressive just moments earlier now it was just pathic. Frank’s voice boomed out.
“The Wise Elders wish to parlay with me.” Everybody waited expectantly. Frank closed his eyes, a long slow humm poured out from him. The same hum he used to quiet the peoples rumblings before the Wise Elders transmitted a message into his mind. After thirty seconds or an hour Frank sat back eyes wide open. “They tell me that the time has come for us, the end has drawn nigh, Only it has happened in one univeserve over form ours. The end attempted to break in here but was thwarted for some reason. The time will still come, it has only been pushed back.”
“How long must we wait?” Someone called out. Again Frank closed his eyes and began to hum, again he sat bolt upright.
“Ten more years and a day we sha….”
“Oh shut the hell up.” Someone called.
“A decade, fucking wonderful man, I sold my house for peanuts.”
“At least you sold I just let my dilapidate.”
“At least you still have a house.”
“It’s in Nome Alaska, You know what happens to an abandoned home in Nome Alaska?”
“I left mine in Ruskin Florida, probably full of alligators by now.”
“I gave mine to my no good meth head nephew.”
“To hell with your nephew. I haven’t paid my phone bill for ten months.” A gasp came across the group shockingly in sync. “I’ve just been throwing the bills away. Those suckers will come for my blood, the world actually ended for me when the sun came up.”
“My children my children please hear me out..”
“I’m serious Frank. I might have given up violence but this granola sucking hippie is about two syllables of yours away from getting out of this lotus position and kicking your ass.”
“Please please, my sweet sweet children. In the world to come do you want all this discord, or do you want to float through the tribulations in peace.” A hundred BIrkenstocks smacked Frank in the head causing him to fall off his lawn chair and onto Persian rug beneath it.
“Forget this guys, let’s have breakfast,” someone called
“We gave eat all the eggs and the chickens away.”
“Shit”
“Damn it all.”
“I have some Count Chocula hidden in my bunk.”
“Oh children thought we all agreed to renounce that big corporation poison,” The shoes came off the other feet and flew at the leader.
“You’re a real jackass Frank.I have some bacon in my mini fridge, traded a famer over hill for it.” The people began to walk down the hill away from the sundial and their stunned leader, back toward the make shift town that was supposed to be their temporary home until the end was to come. Frank watched them go shocked at how quickly they could turn away from him.
“And stay away from my wife,” a disembodied voice wafted back up the hill. Frank sat for a while not knowing what to do, he was so sure they would never leave him. Just as he was about to get up he felt a sting and then a burning pain in his right foot. Frank looked down just long enough to see a snake slithering out through the grass.
“Great, just great,” Frank said to himself and he laid back on his carpet and drifted off into sweet sweet oblivion.
The Mothman Cometh
9 years later
Lisa poured her father a cup of coffee like she did every morning. It wasn’t that he liked “Bigfoot Breakfast Bar, and Book Store.” Hershel had always been a simple man. He took over the family farm same farm as his father before him and his father before him, even though it cost him dearly. He went to church even though he didn’t really believe. He was a member of the Masons, the Elks, the Moose, the Four H, the Kiwanis Club, the Lions Club, the local high school booster society, the Knights of Columbus (even though he wasn’t Catholic.) He was a Hells Angel, and a Daughter of the American Revolution somehow. He was the president of the sacred Frogs, a member of the Ancient Society of the Sloth, an Oddfellow. Keeping the meetings strait had been a full time job for the old farmer, and keeping up with the amount of beer that needed to be drunk at each meeting was a full time job for his liver. The old man never cared much for drinking just didn’t like saying no when offered. The meetings were getting shorter as only Hershel and 2 other cotengenaians were making the circuit. Nobody had the energy to do much more than set up the card tables, tip one back and adjourn the meeting.
He wore a belt and suspenders and while he spent at least three afternoons a weeks on the riverboat, though he didn’t like the fact that his daughter’s breakfast place had slot machines. It didn’t matter though as the BBBBS was the only place to get a cup of coffee for thirty miles in every direction. It was nice to see Lisa.
“Did you hear what Fred over in Diamond said he saw the other night?” Lisa poured with one hand on her hip. Her uniform looked like just about any other diner wear except for the Giger counter that hung from one hip and the camera with super fast shutter speed that hung from the other. If you asked her Lisa would say they were props, part of the uniform. In reality they both worked, were very expensive, and every day Lisa hoped to put them to good use. Everyday they were used only as props.
The theme for the restaurant ostensibly came from the surprising amount of Bigfoot sightings in the area. Few people outside of the greater Galesburg metropolitan area would have known this but that didn’t stop Lisa from choosing the theme. A theme was unnecessary Forgotonia was a town of 200. It’s only commercial options were Lisa’s breakfast gaming restaurant and book store and Fred’s a tiny tavern that had been in operation since prohibition. The bar doubled as the town hall, gym, Resale shop, and convenience store. Outside of these two fine establishments there was a garage for the local volunteer fire brigades, a grain elevator, and any number of the finest meth cooking establishments in the greater midwest. If meth had the kind of high nosed snobbery that wine does conosures would come from all over to hop from garage to garage, abandoned barn to abandoned barn sampling the artisanal chemical compositions. The only theme the breakfast cafe really needed was an “open” sign, but Lisa had a thing for bigfoots.
Bigfoots, and UFO’s, she was into Black Eyed Children and Mothmen. She spent nights up wondering about conspiracies and secret space programs. She didn’t do a lot of psychedelic drugs but thought about them alot, she wondered about Atlantis and Mu (otherwise known as Lemura). She read Isis Unveiled and other Liber Null, she was fluent in the works of Edgar Casey and had a poster of Charles Fort on her wall. It was blown up from an old picture Lisa found as they don’t make posters of Charles Fort. If it was strange, especially highly strange, Lisa loved it.
Hershel felt partially to blame for this. When she was just a child he filled her head with nonsense stories of cities floating in the sky. But, he figured, there were worse hobbies to have. This one actually proved to be somewhat lucrative. Attached to the cafe and gaming parlor was a small book store. There Lisa sold tomes of all kinds on the subjects of her fancy. Authors from all over the world would send the copies of their obscure self published ideas. Hundred page texts that were nothing but a cut and paste from their green writing on black background websites. That little store held in its stacks ideas and thoughts that could not be found anyplace else in the world. People traveled from all over to get access to those thoughts. Slinging hash and collecting quarters helped pay the bills, but Lisa was able to fund her intellectual pursuits, of which there were many and they were costly, with revenue from the book shop.. Most of the sales were online, but the store still attracted a good number of odd ducks to the area, her store and what was left of the strange cult down the road.
“No dear I did not hear what…”Hershel began to say but was cut off by someone shouting.
“Motherfucker!”
“Bill, now Bill you take it easy we can’t have that kind of language in here at six thirty in the morning on a Tuesday.”
“Sorry Lisa honey I was just on a roll and this gosh darn machine screwed me.”
“That’s ok Bill, just try to keep it dow….”
“Son of a bitch,” another voice called out.
“Rose, please langage,” Lisa shook her head at Hershel, the old man rolled his eyes. “So what was I saying.” Hershel took a deep breath reluctant to remind his daughter of his level of interest..
“Something about Fred over in Diamond,” Lisa lit up.
“Oh yea, yea. I haven’t spoken to him directly yet, I’ll head over after the breakfast rush dies down. So old Fred, you know Fred Duncan…”Herschel was staring down into his cup of coffee letting his mind wander. Usually when Lisa got on a role she would talk for an hour without a break, Hershel used this time for daydreaming. “Pop, earth to pop,” Lisa snapped her fingers Hershel looked up with a start.
“Yea honey sorry kind of drifted off there, what were you saying?”
“I was asking if you know old Fred Duncon in Diamond.”
“Crazy guys, sitting in his driveway wearing nothing but whitey tighties and an ammo strap all day. Likes cats, I ‘m he really really likes cats.”
“Yea that’s the guy. So around two in the morning he goes out for one of his “patrols” around his property.You know he’s ex-military and real safety conscious.”
“As I understand it honey he was in the national guard for a couple of weeks before he washed out of basic training. Seems every time they played the bugle, he got scared and pissed all over his uniform. Must have had some kind of bugle accident as a kid. Eventually the chaffing of running in the hot sun in piss soaked pants caused such an inner thigh rash so bad that he had to be sent home to recover.”
“Pop, come on let’s not be ridiculous.”
“Sorry honey.”
“So he’s out on patrol and what does he see running around that old rusted out oil tanker he keeps in his backyard for some reason.”The father and daughter sat in silence for a minute.
“Oh, oh you wanted me to answer. What did old piss pants Fred see, I don’t know probably just that pile of half naked store mannequins he keeps next to the old gas tank he keeps in his backyard for some reason.”
“No,” Lisa ignored her smart ass father. “He saw a goblin, a real honest to God goblin,” Lisa let the silence hang between them for effect. Allowing the news of goblin running around the county wash over her old man. The silence was short lived.
“Dick and balls!”
“Bill watch your mouth there’s kids in here,” Bill put up both hands and bowed his head in apology. “Know I know a lot of people confused racoons or possums for goblins, but Fred he has his military trained powers of observation to fall back on. A guy like that isn’t going to make that type of mistake.”
“If I’m not mistaken Fred once mistook Gold bond for his stash of coke, ended up with the driest nose and fastest feet in town.”
“Pop, come on open your mind. Don’t forget you’ve seen across the veil yourself.”
“Now Lisa I don’t deny that whatever I saw that morning was strange but it wasn’t a goblin running across crazy Fred’s lawn. It was early and the sun was in my eyes, who knows what it was.”
“Always seemed like you knew when I was a kid.”
“Crap on a cracker”
“Ok, Bill that’ll be enough for the day, beat it.”
“Oh come on Lisa I feel a winning streak coming on.”
“Well it’s gonna have to wait until Ted’s Place opens up in like fifteen minutes,” Bill stood up like he was going to leave as he did he slyly slid one last quarter into the slot and pushed the button. Hershel let out a “hump” as he lifted off his stool to go deal with the man. He was no spring chicken a lifetime of farm work had turned his muscles into a mass of intimidating twisted iron, everyplace but his swinging belly. Before he could take a step Lisa was over the counter waking strait at Bill.
“Bill you are going to listen to me in my place, you got that,” even as she approached Bill’s fingers moved closer and closer to the spin button, but before he could press it Lisa grabbed his meaty paw and bending it back slightly. Lisa whispered in his ear “I like you Bill, you put a lot of money into my machines, but you are one disreaspectful S.O.B, you just forfeited that quarter. Kick rocks for now I’ll see you tomorrow.” She let go of his hand, Bill shambled out of the door embarrassed and broke.
Once he was gone ten other sets of eyes turned to the machine. The gamers knew it was cued up with a free spin for whoever to get there first. Lisa seeing this pushed the button before the vultures could close in on their pray. Skunked. “Ok people back to your bacon and blackjack.” The gaming arcade returned to normal.
“That’s my girl,” Hershel smiled as she warmed up her father’s coffee. Just then the door flew open, and dread filled the room.