I am a force of nature who also greatly enjoys drinking white russians. The bastard son of writing and software engineering engineering. One who lounges and does the occasional J with my f*ck-ups, who are my greatest inspirations. I write novels, ponder human consciousness, and design computer applications capable of learning in my free time. Also, I deliver pizzas from time to time.
But I wasn’t always this awesome.
This novel is the first in a series which follows the rise of its cast of characters from lost and hopelessly blind fools who can’t even pay their own bills, into the kind of people who’ll risk their lives and use their meager gifts to save the entire world from certain doom. It’s a classic formula, but have you ever tried imaging how you would go about saving the world with only the skills you and those around you possess?
Because it’s awesome.
The Story Goes Something Like This
Anna Dunkirk is a rude, depressed, and socially anxious writer of questionable moral character. Out of ideas, and on her final straw with the comedy magazine which employs her, Anna grabs a bottle of Dr. Pepper and hits the city in search of inspiration.
Charles Phoenix Bellesemer, a man caught stalking Anna through the city, is the sole heir to the outlandishly wealthy business mogul serving as CEO of Winston Industries, which is the most profitable corporation world-wide for five years running. And Charles has an obsession. He’s determined to pull the most perfect joke the world has ever seen. Up to and including his most recent joke, the invention of a machine capable of instantaneously breaking down the chemical makeup of Dr. Pepper, and transforming it into Wal-Mart’s off-brand, Dr. Thunder.
A city deprived of those 23 original and glorious flavors.
An invisible and upscale mansion located on a floating disc suspended half a mile above the city.
A series of harshly satirical stories published by Anna without the consent of Charles, their primary subject matter.
Enter the mentally unstable James Winston, a man on a mission to save the world from corporate corruption. James Winston develops a personal vendetta against Charles, and Anna gets dragged into the mix.
When Anna awakens one morning, alone, bound, and suspended upside-down from the ceiling of a cellar, she’s forced to come face to face with herself and her insane circumstances in order to make it out alive.
This first novel is a quirky, whimsical, and darkly lighthearted tale follows Anna as she confronts herself, the plethora of her own ignorance, and the stupid things irrational people do when they continue to neglect considering the potential ramifications their actions might have on the world around them.
The subsequent books in the series escalate the generally small-minded plots of this first novel into an eventual confrontation between the homeless and the corporate elite. An alliance or poor folk commanding both giant robots and ninjas must protect humanity from a corporately financed army of genetically engineered dragons, minotaurs, vampires, and other fantasy beasts who’ve allied themselves with dark wizards drawing their otherworldly power from rifts in time and space which have appeared over key intersections of the Earth’s leylines. When it seems all is lost to the raging conflict, Earth is suddenly invaded by a race of photosynthetic aliens who arrive at Earth’s gravitational doorstep, referring to themselves only as the Cosmic Court. At the same time, armies of magic-wielding Earthlings from a parallel steampunk version of Earth pour from the time-space rifts on a mission all their own. And it’s up to Anna, Charles, and their ragtag team of misfits to get to the bottom of what the actual hell is going on, and figure out a way to save the entire world from annihilation.
And With Your Money
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