Charlie and his nephew Marcus are two social undesirables who capitalize on the micro-beer craze by founding a micro-vodka company called Misery, Inc.
Charlie convinces Marcus that the path to superior alcohol branding is to write captivating and irreverent stories on the back of labels, and sends Marcus off to study the art of writing from his other uncle Bennie--a deranged recluse who’s illegally squatting in Nebraska’s Fontenelle forest and who is a disciple of a clandestine writing school.
Upon completing his bizarre apprenticeship during which Marcus learns that anger is the secret to masterful writing, Marcus attains a reputation as the best alcoholic beverage label writer in the country, creating epic tales by effortlessly flying into blinding rages.
Misery, Inc. is wildly successful despite the owners’ gross incompetence and general repugnance. But when it turns out that a woman Marcus falls in love with--a Today show anchor who interviews him about his unique writing talent--has a dark secret, Marcus is thrust headlong into the hilarious inner circle of a writing cult. Along the way, Marcus harnesses his writing prowess into a spiritual awakening and becomes engulfed in alcohol induced messianic zeal.
As a young boy growing up in the Ethiopian countryside, Eugene rarely bathed. After spending the morning harvesting khat, Eugene would retire to his quarters to study the delicate art of poaching endangered black rhino. His quarters were a dilapidated shack made of twigs and dried livestock feces.
Eugene’s father was an overbearing man with a short temper and a long spear he used to war against enemy tribes. He had missed his chance to get into the lucrative black rhino black market, and his dream was for his only surviving son to join this elite squadron of fierce poachers.
By 13, Eugene had mastered the art, and immediately following his Bar Mitzvah, his father stuffed him into a 4X4 foot crate and shipped him off to Tanzania where he was to join the ranks of the powerful warlord Abasi as his Assistant Manager of Operations in charge of Poaching.
Eugene performed quite well for a week, but then he was tragically speared in the face by a competing poaching company and lost the use of his brain. Well, poaching is a thinking man’s game, and so Eugene was shipped back to his family. Eugene’s father was furious that he had failed him and disgraced the family name. Eugene’s mother was even less understanding, disowning him and sending Eugene into exile to Serbia.
That’s when Eugene decided to write a book dedicated to the love of his life: his daughter Vivian.
With the funds raised, I will publish my novel, and become a self-obsessed, arrogant man who looks down on everyone. After alienating all my friends, I will fluctuate between self-loathing and fits of unbridled rage. I will live a solitary life, modeling myself after Howard Hughes. I will fall short of Howard Hughes’s legacy, however, because no one will know who I am or care that I locked myself in my small and ferociously disgusting studio apartment. Also, I have a hard time growing a beard. On the other hand, Leonardo DiCaprio will play me in a blockbuster movie.